Should I report this mum? Is it even reportable?

[Moonstars1]

I'm seriously concerned about my partner's family member. Well, more so for her kids. She is a young adult. She has a toddler and a baby with different dads. Both toxic and abusive men and she knew about at least one of them when she got with him as he has a criminal record. She is also toxic and my partner believes they were both mutually abusive relationships. She broke up with baby's dad when she was pregnant.

She now has a new boyfriend already. She's posting him on social media and making comments that shows he's staying (living?) round hers with the kids. She keeps basically moving strangers into her home and allowing them to play dad. What if this one, or the next one, is a pedophile or violent to children?

I don't know what I should do. My partner knows it's a mess and he doesn't agree with her desicions at all. He doesn't have much positive to say about her. But he isn't really getting involved and I don't think he's going to do anything. Same with her parents. I get it's difficult. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to one of the little ones.

Do I report somewhere anonymously? Do I stay out of it? That really doesn't seem like the right thing to do. I'd rather not go behind my partner's back and do it, but at the same time I don't know how to have that conversation with him. That's if there's even anything I can report.

Remain as trusted family members.
Show support and secure, safe home by example. Have kids for play date sometimes, them all over for a monthly catch up.
Stay close enough to observe the kids and new men.
Report if you suspect anything.

There is nothing you can do if there is no evidence of neglect or abuse. People's love lives are their own business and it might not be ideal but just stay out of it. For all you know, her kids are happy and healthy enough. If you do gather evidence of abuse or neglect, then report that.

All you need is the persons name and the address they are living in - if there is something to be concerned about then the mother will be notified not the reporter - anyone can start a CSODS (Sarah’s law) request if they are concerned or suspicious

I can see Sarah's law has been mentioned. I think you can also request a Clare's law disclosure on her behalf. This would at least notify the authorities of the relationship if they are not already aware and then if there is information to disclose it would start a conversation between her and the authorities.

I’m not convinced SS will be interested unless you have proof the new boyfriend is violent in some way and could harm the children. Having multiple boyfriends isn’t abuse in itself, though you’re right it will mentally unsettle them.

This sounds like a good idea, but does the OP even know the full names and addresses of the men involved? It doesn’t sound like they necessarily live with the mother officially so how would she know this info?

If she does have this info, or can find out, then I think the OP should consider doing it.

Maybe a call to the NSPCC/Children’s Social Care if she has actual genuine concerns for the children’s welfare. (This isn’t clear from the information provided, it doesn’t sound as if she even knows them very well.)

She IS allowed to have a boyfriend. However, having someone you've only recently met stay in your house with your children is NOT a good idea.
She knows little about him on the basis that they have not known each other long. He could be perfectly fine. He could be a child abuser. On the basis of better to be safe, it's not wise to have him stay.
I'm not sure how else to explain it to you.

It might not be wise or a good idea, that doesn't mean it's something that can be "reported" to the police or social services.
People are allowed to make their own choices with regard to relationships, who they have to stay over, who they introduce to their children, and when and with whom they get pregnant. We can quietly judge their choices, we can provide advice where we know the person, but "report" them? No. For what?

There are unfortunately a lot of women who put their own wants in front of their children’s needs.

I think these are often the same people who hero worship the likes of Katie Price and don’t see an issue with bringing new blokes in, getting pregnant and producing a baby in a very short time.

I don’t know if it’s selfish, a lack of knowledge or ambition or an excuse to hide behind.