Should I report this mum? Is it even reportable?

[Moonstars1]

I'm seriously concerned about my partner's family member. Well, more so for her kids. She is a young adult. She has a toddler and a baby with different dads. Both toxic and abusive men and she knew about at least one of them when she got with him as he has a criminal record. She is also toxic and my partner believes they were both mutually abusive relationships. She broke up with baby's dad when she was pregnant.

She now has a new boyfriend already. She's posting him on social media and making comments that shows he's staying (living?) round hers with the kids. She keeps basically moving strangers into her home and allowing them to play dad. What if this one, or the next one, is a pedophile or violent to children?

I don't know what I should do. My partner knows it's a mess and he doesn't agree with her desicions at all. He doesn't have much positive to say about her. But he isn't really getting involved and I don't think he's going to do anything. Same with her parents. I get it's difficult. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if something happened to one of the little ones.

Do I report somewhere anonymously? Do I stay out of it? That really doesn't seem like the right thing to do. I'd rather not go behind my partner's back and do it, but at the same time I don't know how to have that conversation with him. That's if there's even anything I can report.

This is how kids get molested or otherwise hurt by mum's new boyfriend. She doesn't know these men from Adam. She knew one of the men had a record before she got pregnant by him. I have sympathy for her due to her upbringing and she's young. But imagine nobody was ever "judgemental" 🙄

Getting pregnant is not a crime. Everyone has the right to make an unwise decision. So unless you suspect she lacks capacity, there is nothing to report.

Absolutely report her to the future crimes division...

So what’s the answer, only middle class married women can have a baby?

The children have a right to be safe.
Feel sorry for little ones today. They get no choice in who their mum moves in.
Society's gone down.

She now has a new boyfriend already. She's posting him on social media and making comments that shows he's staying (living?) round hers with the kids. She keeps basically moving strangers into her home and allowing them to play dad.

That wouldn't be considered abuse or neglect and it's not a matter for social services.

I completely understand why you're worried, but having someone to stay at your house - or move in - is something everyone is perfectly entitled to do, kids or no kids. People are allowed to have boyfriends, lodgers, friends, housemates or family members living with them and that in itself wouldn't warrant social services getting involved.

If you have a genuine reason / evidence to believe that her boyfriend actually IS a danger to children (rather than just imagining that he might be on the grounds that he's a stranger to you) that's different and absolutely social services would want to know if someone who was a convicted paedophile or domestic abuser was living with a child. But it doesn't sound like that's the case.

If you think the children aren't being fed, kept clean and cared for, then of course you should absolutely report that.

Haha my life didn't work out perfectly at all. I've made plenty of mistakes. But I've been the unprotected kid in the situation and I had to pay for it. There are concerns they will be harmed.

Concerns based on what? She's a mum and also has a boyfriend? How very dare she !

You think no child was ever abused by their traditional married parents in the past?

Strange thing to say it's not a crime. It certainly does become a crime when the child gets punched about and killed

People's standards are disgusting today
Where's the thought for their children?

I don't think many of you actually understand the situation. She hasn't just had failed relationships and got into a new one. She gets pregnant with men she doesn't know, they end up abusive and she lets the next one she doesn't know sleep under the same roof as them. Some of these replies are wild.

Parents and siblings are by far the most prolific perpetrators of child sexuality abuse.

Of course you can't. She's making bad life choices, sadly lots of women do this but it's not reportable. Perhaps you should encourage her to do a Claire law request to check the past of her new partners when she moves them in but other than that not much you can do.

Honestly? I can understand your concern. But, unless you have reason to think the children are being harmed, there’s not a lot to report. It’s depressing to learn just how bad things can be before social workers get involved.

Not very many no.
People are horrible shagging around and getting pregnant by different men and then introducing their kids to someone new and possibly having him move in.
Where's the child's rights?

I think you are right to be concerned, poor children

Call NSPCC for some advice. That won’t do any harm.

Not very many? You're talking twaddle.

And then we hear in the news about these babies getting hurt by mum's new boyfriend and everyone is shocked and appalled. I guess they don't believe that some of these cases could be prevented.

Getting pregnant does not become a crime when the child is killed. Killing a child becomes a crime. Which is why when a person is murdered, it's their murderer who gets prosecuted, not a mother who gave birth to a victim. Hope this clears things up.

I am going to go against the grain here and say yes, I’d be reporting concerns. This young woman has a history of prioritising relationships with abusive men, one with a known criminal record above the emotional needs and stability of her children. It’s not healthy, normal or in her children’s best interest to move strangers in to her children’s home or even introduce them to strangers. Plenty of people on here are falling over themselves to excuse these giant red flags that are present here.

It only takes one abusive man to murder a baby and quite often it starts in situations such as these with unstable parents who prioritise men over their children. Present social services with all the facts and concerns, if they feel it’s worth their time to investigate then they will. If they don’t, they won’t but social services would definitely have involved themselves if they’d had an awareness that a baby had been brought up around a man with a criminal record. Go with your gut OP. You could potentially be saving a life.

You’ve said there is ’No proof they (the kids) are being harmed’. So what do you hope to achieve by reporting her. And report her to who?

Why do you want to get someone into trouble for having a chaotic love life and ‘being toxic’, whatever that means. Is there a chance you just don’t like her?

Quite. Absolutely bonkers logic by people on this thread.

Again, OP, unless you have any evidence to think the children are being neglected or harmed there is nothing to report. Her reproductive and relationship choices are none of your business.

You could do a Sarah's Law request if you are concerned about that.

No disclosure would be made to you, they wouldn't tell her who had made the enquiry but, if there were anything to disclose, it would be made to her.

If a disclosure were made, this would automatically be picked up by social services. So she wouldnt be able to just ignore it.

Unfortunately, there are children living these lives all over the country.

No. She wants to consider the safety of the children when a virtual STRANGER has moved in to her house with them.