To find this entitled?

[Aaaaaaaaaaaaahh]

This doesn't apply to people with childcare or caring responsibilities, any sort of illness or disability which means they cannot work full time.
But I've seen a few people on here or social media basically saying 'I can do supply/care work/0 hours work and sometimes only get a shift or two a week, because my husband earns well.'

So they're pretty much choosing to swan about and avoid full-time work, because they assume their husband or partner will carry on in their high-earning, full time role.

What happens if this husband loses their job, becomes sick, or just decides they're sick of having to be the breadwinner?

I see it all the time on supply teacher pages,'Oh I've only had 1 day of work in 2 months but it's fine because my husband is the breadwinner!!'

There are other jobs where you could make a living, you just don't want to do them, yet you still want your dream forever house and luxury lifestyle. If it were the wife full-time and the husband taking the piss there would be uproar.

To say they’re all sponging is to only view it through the lens of money being paramount. There’s a value in having someone want to stay at home and keep the house clean, make dinner, volunteer for charity because they don’t NEED to work for remuneration, pursuing hobbies that take time and dedication because they can….

Of course you can be independent but marriage is also a partnership.
That's the point of marriage. You support each other and share your life.
In my personal opinion.

Ok but all throughout I’ve said nothing about which gender.

I actually said that I would love my husband not to have to work because I could afford to keep us.

I think maybe you need to stop replying to me and start just posting your rants as standalone

Exactly, plus it is tough to get jobs that have the same hours so if both work when one doesn’t need to you could end up being ships passing in the night

But you said you wouldn’t have got married if you wanted to be independent.

And yes I agree marriage is a partnership and so IMO you both work, both clean, both cook, both parent etc.

I would hate to be seen as the maid or default parent and my DP seen as the ‘important one’.

No I meant I didn't want to be independent as in living on my own as a single person.
I wanted to be with someone as a partnership and combine our lives together.

Why would you be seen as the maid?
why would the person who does paid work be seen as the important one?
I don’t think anyone sees me as a maid and my dh certainly doesn’t.

Yes I am definitely not "the maid".
I'm the bossy and organised one 😂

Me too!

With all the people trying to find full time work but can't because there aren't the jobs out there, you think people should take FT jobs when they don't need to work for what reason exactly? Just leave the jobs to the people that need to work.

Many successful men want to provide, it massages their ego. If they are happy to do it, and their wife is happy to not take on paid work, what’s the problem there?

I work because I want to, but in any event, I wouldn’t consider it sponging off my husband. It isn’t ‘his’ money, it’s our money.

They fucking wouldn't.

No kids here but DH and I were pretty much in the same situation...I answered this already in the "soft life" thread. DH earned much more than I did in a high pressure job that involved quite a bit of short notice travel and occasional living at work for several days at a time (always meant bad news sometimes of a national TV level.) He loved the job, was shit hot at it, known globally in his field. I worked part time in the NHS doing a job that I loved and was very good at but would not have hugely contributed to our income. During our early marriage, I also travelled abroad with him on long-ish journeys. Later on we decamped to NJ for 2 years where I couldn't work because no green card. I ran the house, could pack for him at a moment's notice, did the home admin, kept in touch with his lovely Mum. All this was discussed and agreed between us, even before we were married when we looked ahead to how our life would work. Of course we thought there would probably be children which didn't happen.
Equal and fair division doesn't mean identical.

Exactly. I’m retired. I have a “to do” list and do try to tick two things off each day, but I don’t stress if it doesn’t happen because I’m swanning about

Honestly, what’s their choice got to do with you?!

What a bizarre post. Why should it matter what arrangements a couple have between themselves. They are adults and will have had a conversation. There could be any number of reasons why they aren’t working which you aren’t privy to!
as for role reversal I’ve met plenty of men who haven’t worked and their partner has been the breadwinner. As long as both parties are happy with the arrangement it’s no one else’s business.

You don’t know what people have going on. They might have their own private reasons for working part time.

I see family as a team, that there is much much more required for everyone's quality of life than money. As it happens my DP and I work together, running our own business, but if circumstances were different and I was paid enough to keep us all comfortable, then I would have no issue at all with DP being at home so long as he was working towards the good of all of us in other ways. I think work and the pursuit of wealth generally is valued so much that we've forgotten that people are supposed to live too. Do what works.

@Aaaaaaaaaaaaahh I wouldn’t work full time if I didn’t have to/if part time was easier to get in my type of role, but (at this stage at least) I would choose to work as I find it interesting and stimulating. My brain needs the preoccupation of hard thinking or I struggle with unchannelled mental energy (for want of a better phrase). I have plenty of interests outside work but none that provide quite this type of stimulation. I’m lucky in that I’m fundamentally interested in my work - there are lots of more boring parts but some really interesting parts too.

The part time/no working choice is interesting because I’m sure it is women more than men in this situation. Obviously that often initially comes from caring for young children, then for some is a pattern that just continues for whatever reason. It isn’t comfortable to think that the ‘default’ in such situations is for the man to work significantly more, but I think it just becomes a norm for some. It’s different of course if the lesser-working partner can earn enough in two or three days to support the family should this become necessary.

Entitled to what and taking advantage of their husband how?

Genuinely can you explain how you think they are taking advantage of their husbands please? Do you think women are single handedly making this choice and it wasn’t something that was discussed between the two people in the marriage?

I know you said children and childcare is different but I have one child, they are in school so don’t need much childcare. I work very little, self employed. I get paid £30 an hour when I do work. I would never work more than 10 hours a week. I pick and choose the majority of my hours as to what suits me other than 3 hours which I’ve committed to on a certain time and day.

DH is a good earner. But literally all he has to do is go to work (from home). We have a cleaner but I clean the house in between her visits, I cook, I meal plan, I cook him breakfast and lunch every day whilst he’s working, I do the washing, I do the admin, I make sure all of the bills are paid, I make any phone calls that are needed, I do the running around after our child (unless it’s the weekend). My job is the house. DH is a present Father and pulls his weight there because my job is the house and not to solo parent but his responsibility is working and he doesn’t have to worry about any other stresses or not being able to relax after work because I do it all. I have free time in the day and DH has free time in the evening because we’re not battling with life tasks as it’s already done because I’ve done it.

I worked full time pre having a child and then we decided I wouldn’t go back to work as it wasn’t worth it on nursery fees. I started doing self employed work and would never go back to being employed. We discussed me working more hours once DC went to school but I didn’t want to and DH agrees he prefers it now as literally all he has to do is work and he doesn’t have to do any of the boring house stuff. He thinks he’s getting a good deal. I think I’m getting a good deal. I’m happier not working, we don’t get so over stressed and over loaded that we’re arguing like we used to when we both worked full time. We’re both more than happy with our arrangement so I’m not sure why you’re so irate about anyone being taken advantage of?

I earn the money. DH works a day a week and picks up the slack at home. Works very well for us and has literally no impact on anyone else in the world.

Surely the division of labour in any couple is up to that couple- it's not for others to be prescriptive, if someone doesn't want to work a full time job and the couple agree and can afford it, what business is it of anybody else's?

Since when was a debate a rant?! You replied to a post I made and I replied back...

Anyway, over and out 🙄

Why does it bother you so much?

You're clearly just jealous that they can do that. You have zero reason to be annoyed by this but you are because you'd love it to be your life too.