How do you handle new gifts and hand me downs when you have two young DC of the same gender?

[Peterrabbity]

I have DD1 and DDnearly4.

My eldest DD has EVERYTHING. She was the first grandchild on both sides and has practically every toy imaginable. We are a family that likes to go ‘all out’ on birthdays and Christmas too.

How do you handle new gifts and hand me downs in your family? We have a big playroom so all of our toys live in there. DD1 has become interested in babies and pushchairs recently and there’s been a few arguments about our 1 toy pushchair so I’ve been thinking about buying DD1 her own. However the one we’ve got is perfect for DD1, and it would probably be better to buy DD4 her own bigger pushchair. But I find this happens a lot, but it seems unfair that it’s always eldest DD who gets everything new whilst DD1 just has to share DD4’s stuff or have the stuff she’s outgrown.

I’ve started thinking ahead for Christmas, and cannot think of a single thing that DD1 needs as she has everything that DD4 has outgrown. Where as I have a really long list of things for DD4.

How does this work in your family?

I have 2 boys 18months apart and ever since they were little anytime they've been gifted anything or we've bought them something they've always shared. They are now 10 and 12. Share a room, share clothes and share all their toys never been an issue. Even have a joint piggy bank where they put all their money in and recently bought themselves a switch together. Same policy applies to my girls, they've always happily shared now 5 and 7 and also share clothes, teddies, barbies etc. You could buy your 4 year old things and tell them its for both of them as essentially it is and they'll both play with it.

They have to share. On this occasion I would buy DD2 her own pram to play with, something cheap.

I think by about age 2 my youngest had started to like different things from the older one, youngest got really into Happyland figures and baby dolls. So their interests diverged and they started to get different things, it just organically worked itself out.

I have 3 children and although they share we just bought new. At one point we had a switch and 3 switch lites. It isn’t ideal but they like to have new and why should t they just because they weren’t first? We always found taking them to a big toy shop and letting them pick helped them choose.

I don't understand your reasoning here. If they both like playing with pushchairs, then what's the problem with having two?
Another thing that might help is just stop buying so much "stuff". Do they really play with everything?

When they were younger I didn’t get my second or third children big gifts as presents, as they had the hand me down of all the big toys (trikes, sand pits, mud kitchen). Instead we did lots of playdough, art sets, days trips, newest model of dinosaurs, new costumes. Fortunately as they grew up they have completely different interests and joint interests I get as Christmas presents where possible (so their PS5 was a joint present at Christmas but they all got individual games)

If you want to buy new for DD2 then add to what you already have. She likes magnatiles - get an expansion kit, or a different colour. She likes the doll, maybe an outfit for it or a crib. To be honest though I think you’re wasting your money while she’s young, she doesn’t know or care if it’s brand spanking new! She doesn’t care if it’s secondhand. It’ll even itself out later as they get older and have different interests.

That’s easy. The money belongs to the child the item was first given to. I sold a load of playmobil, transformers etc. I knew which DS got which playmobil set originally and the ebay receipts went to that DS. If DS2 was bought an item that went with a set inherited from DS1, I did a rough calculation and gave DS2 some of the money.

In terms of gifting, I agree it is tricky. I’m the elder one and I see if differently to you. Gifts to me ended up later with DB - but he also got his own gifts as well.

I would make sure that as your youngest gets older she does have some new things to open, but to be honest I’d start reducing the toy mountain and try to get more ££ saved for them which will be far more useful to them in the future.

1 year olds don't care?