How do you handle new gifts and hand me downs when you have two young DC of the same gender?

[Peterrabbity]

I have DD1 and DDnearly4.

My eldest DD has EVERYTHING. She was the first grandchild on both sides and has practically every toy imaginable. We are a family that likes to go ‘all out’ on birthdays and Christmas too.

How do you handle new gifts and hand me downs in your family? We have a big playroom so all of our toys live in there. DD1 has become interested in babies and pushchairs recently and there’s been a few arguments about our 1 toy pushchair so I’ve been thinking about buying DD1 her own. However the one we’ve got is perfect for DD1, and it would probably be better to buy DD4 her own bigger pushchair. But I find this happens a lot, but it seems unfair that it’s always eldest DD who gets everything new whilst DD1 just has to share DD4’s stuff or have the stuff she’s outgrown.

I’ve started thinking ahead for Christmas, and cannot think of a single thing that DD1 needs as she has everything that DD4 has outgrown. Where as I have a really long list of things for DD4.

How does this work in your family?

Surely the problem with experience gifts for the youngest is that oldest will also go along. So it’s not fair. Whilst oldest presumably still gets new toys as they have outgrown the younger toys.

When they’re a bit older you’ll be looking at what they’re interested in so you’ll be buying something that’s more special or specialised and yes sometimes you will just have to decide to go new because otherwise they will grow up thinking the last got everything!! Plus you won’t always be doing handmedowns because eg age 4 and 7 they’ll both need their own colouring stuff, bikes etc etc as the eldest won’t have grown out of them

we dont buy lots of new things ever really - we rent the bikes. get experiences for presents mostly - year passes to farms / theme parks / zoos

Tickets for shows

the world is full of shite and stuff and buying more and more toys and going all out with presesnt for birthdays is ridiculous

I had boys with that gap
So Christmas one year they both got ride on tractor s
Or scooters
Just buy two of everything so no arguments
But also in a playroom,they will forget who's toy is who's and just play together

I’ve found I go less all out since having a second child! Second hand gifts where possible. Honestly the second kid has never cared much in the way of new things and I’m sure that’s part personality but also because he’s been less spoilt than his previous born first child / grandchild (he is fourth grandchild).

You really should buy your youngest daughter some of her own, new things. I would definitely buy her a new pushchair rather than hand the old one down, for instance. If that means selling the existing one and maybe buying them both new, I would do that rather than just hand everything down.

I have 2 sons and they have an older, male cousin, so I suppose there was a lot of handing stuff down (clothes, mostly) but at the same time, DS2 always had new things of his own, too.

We have 2.5y between our boys. When my youngest turned 1, he got some stuff that actually I knew his big brother would like and want to play with. By making the bigger one recognise that some things belonged to his younger sibling, that toys were no longer by default just his, and that he should ask to take a turn with it, he quickly got over being territorial over 'his' toys, and now most things in the playroom are shared. There are some particular special toys that he doesn't want his baby brother playing with and that's fine, but he doesn't make a scene about DS2 using the Duplo/train track/magnatiles/general cars/plastic animals etc etc.

So in your case I'd get the bigger, new pushchair but give it to DD2. Maybe she's too small to use it at the moment, so she and her sister could agree to share their pushchairs with each other until DD2 gets a bit bigger. Win win, sharing, happy playtimes.

At the beginning of October have a clear out of toys, tell dd4 Santa said got to pass on old toys to other children to make space for new toys. Sell them on marketplace/local facebook groups. Use the money to get new toys. So a different pushchair/ a different duplo set etc. you can buy those second hand too. As pp said, teaching them new is best isn’t how the future is going. It’s all about recycle and new to you rather than new from shop.

Mine are 5 and 3. We don’t do hand me downs; I don’t think it’s fair. Each child always gets their own brand new things.

This is genius!

Sounds like buying less stuff all around might be helpful going forwards.

If you don't over buy your oldest then there will be more options for things to buy your youngest in the future.

Also, its not all bad being the youngest and getting the hand me downs.

As long they get some new stuff that they really want at Christmas/Birthdays, any hand me downs are made up for because they get way more toys to play with overall than the older ones will have had.

I really wouldn't worry about it until they're much older anyway though. Most kids really don't care about new vs second hand until they are at least school age.

My ex's two boys were only 2 years apart, so everyone bought them both exactly the same. It became very obvious that that reason was the youngest would create merry hell, if he wasn't given exactly the same as his older brother. Instead everyone pandered to the youngest. The eldest ended up having nothing of his own, because his brother always had to have the same. It seemed to make no difference if the toy given to the youngest was suitable or not, because the eldest had it, then so did the youngest.

I felt sorry for the eldest, as he lived in his younger brother's shadow. Never being allowed to have anything different....clothes, toys, shoes etc, all the same. Even the same bedtime!!

Be careful how you navigate the situation. Both children should be encouraged to develop their own interests, and personalities. Also both children should have new items. There's no reason why your eldest can't have second hand clothing from somewhere like Vinted or from older cousins/friends children. Don't buy everything new for your eldest, and hand it all down to your youngest. At 1, your youngest won't understand but as she becomes older she will.

DD1 won’t mind used things at this age. As you’ve a large space and lots of toys, look into how an early years classroom is set up and look for gaps. Have you construction, craft etc. And good child-managed storage for each. It’s not essential of course, but will teach your girls good play etiquette and ensure they’re not overwhelmed with choice.

For what it’s worth, my recommendation of the best toy ever for my children (possibly apart from large outdoor trampoline) is large hollow blocks. Block play has begun so many imaginative, collaborative games. If you have space and money, they are excellent!

https://www.communityplaythings.co.uk/products/play/block-play/hollow-blocks/half-preschool-set-hollow-blocks

And this is why the planet is suffering…

When I was young, there was nothing I liked more than our older cousins coming to viist as it meant we got their hand-me-downs. Second hand needn't be a problem unless you make it one.

This is a good idea.

They both like playing with the Toomies coffee station toy in the bath and I’ve actually got DD1 the Toomies ice cream station and put away (even though it’s more for DD4, but just because I thought she’s more likely to be happy to share if it is technically for DD1!).

Sure it is 🤣

Buy dd1 her own doll and her own pram / pushchair. If dd4 wants a larger pushchair, get her one and keep her old one as a spare.
Stickel bricks, lego etc, you can always but more because you must build bigger stuff, but a themes one so she knows it's hers.
If dd4 has a ride on and she's using it, get dd1 her own. If dd4 is too small for hers, take it away now and say she can have a new one xmas then store it and jazz it up for dd1.

The petticoat is dd4 has been spoilt for toys, so see it now as a time to buy less, clear out stuff that isn't used.

Well it depends on what happens to the old ones.

{mention:Mooselander}{mention:Mooselander}{mention:Mooselander}what@Mooselanderwhat do you do with older child's toys when they don't want them?

It depends. If they’re good enough to sell on (and they usually are because they look after them very well) then I’ll sell them, otherwise I’ll bin them.

I had 3 girls close in age - they still got their own christmas and birthday presents, but the other toys stayed around and were played with by all of them. We just had a ridiculous amount of lego by the time they grew older. I don't remember buying new bikes for any of them, but they did get their own scooters as those wore out.

Further down the line they got joint presents - so the toy kitchen for example was for all of them, so was the trampoline, and games that they played with. Clothes wise, they all wore the eldest's clothes.

Ffs - only buying new things for each child is ridiculously wasteful

In your opinion 🤷‍♀️

My 1 year old doesn’t really have any stuff, he just uses his 4 year old sister’s toys (and sometimes her clothes even). Neither of them are old enough to know about private property rights.