Not to invite this child to the party?

[SunshineAndFizz]

Up until now, all the kid’s birthday parties invited the full school class, but now they’re getting a bit older they’re starting to have girls-only or boys-only parties.

My daughter wants a girls-only party (inviting all girls in her class) to a ‘pamper party’ style party. The issue is that we have girl-boy twins in the class, and their mum won’t let the girl go to girls-only parties because her brother is excluded.

Should we have invited him as an exception?

I feel bad that the girl is missing out, but can only assume the boy will get invited to boys-only parties too, and it’s just the way things go when they’re getting older?

OP I have twins, it is shit when one gets and invite and the other doesn’t especially when they both know the children from school but my thing is - such is life! As they get older they’ll find their own groups of friends as any other siblings would. If one gets an invite and the other doesn’t DH just takes the other out for the day and I do the party drop. This twin mum is being a bit silly insisting they must always go to parties together - she’s doing them no favours!!

Why is it shit though? And why take the other twin out for a special day? How are children ever going to learn to manage rejection, which surely is a normal part of life if they don't actually learn it in a non dramatic way? These kids are so young still and parents can influence how well they deal with not being invited to something. Best to downplay it and keep things normal and basic.

It’s shit for me as a mum watching one moan they’re not invited! But we never play up to it. I would never dream of asking for the other to come along. It’s not a special day, just a trip out - these parties tend to be Saturday or Sunday afternoons so DH takes the other to the park while one is at the party.

But can't this be true of siblings? I get that for twins it can be harder when younger, but surely once they get older and have their own friends (especially if they are put in different classes) then it's no different to one sibling being invited to a party and not them.

Honestly, why is it looked down on these days if your daughter is into nail polish, make up and glitter!? My little boy has had his ‘make up’ done and nails painted, but then naturally gravitated to football and cricket. Just let them be!

My daughter had a fab pamper party when she was 8, she still talks about it now. We invited all the little girls (at her request!) and it was marvellous!

I would just invite the little girl and let the twin mum navigate this herself. It will not be the last time she comes across this. What will she do when they get older and have ‘sleepovers’ etc? It’s unlikely most parents will allow that.

We almost went with a trampoline place, but it still would have been girls only, it’s just what she wanted.

We’ve always had gender neutral toys/games/outings and have a son too so we’re very balanced with things, but she’s naturally gravitated to ‘girlie’ things from a very young age. It’s just what she likes, why force her to do something else to please someone else?

I dont see a boy not being invited to a girls party as rejection. It’s like a girl won’t be in the boys football team, she’s in the girls one. It’s how life pans out. The boy does things the girl won’t be included in and it evens up. If you live in a multicultural area, there’s loads going on where some dc won’t be invited all. Parents have to explain this because twins and siblings are not one child so they cannot do everything together.

I think it’s slightly different at this age (mine are only 6) as they’re in one huge class and we’ve had two years of full class parties so they all know all the other children. So when one is invited to Theo’s party for example, the other wonders why Theo who he knows well hasn’t invited them too. Often times now it’s because they’re just inviting closer friends, or one-class parties rather than the full year (mine are two-form entry, but they all share one huge classroom). I think that’s why it stings a bit more. But as I say, they just have to get used to it!! And as they get older I’m sure it’ll become much simpler as they form their own friendship groups. It’s already starting to happen recently.

There were a few boy/girl twins in my daughter's year - she was friends with the boy of one set so he was at a couple parties, then she became friends with the girl so she was at a party or 2. The mum never expected both to be invited to things, they are their own people and have their own relationships. I think sometimes twin parents think it's different than typical siblings somehow but it's really not - these are two distinct people and your daughter can invite either or neither to whatever she likes.

I ran a twins/multiples group and twin parents absolutely do not see twins other than being anything other than two completely different individuals.

The only reason you may treat them as the same is when it comes to their needs, as they're the same age, whereas with two siblings you have at least a 9 month age gap in needs.

Even identical twin parents see the different personality traits appear at such a young age.

Mine are B/G twins and in the same class. They are VERY different and always have been. Now they're age 10 they tend to have their own set of friends. My DS was the only boy at a party recently. They invited him because he's the one they play with. I therefore did something at home with my DD whilst he was out.

A twin parent insisting the other twin comes and treating them as being the same is VERY unusual.

Oh, it's vile when parents of twins treat them as though they are two for one blob, instead of individuals. What a very stupid woman.

I remember twin girls in my class, who refused to sit together and asked to be separated into different classrooms, because their stupid mother behaved just like this.

Well there is a set of girl/girl twins in my son's class and they don't go anywhere unless they're both invited so I've seen both approaches. My son isn't friends with either of them but his bestie is and he wasn't allowed to have a 1:1 playdate - both girls or neither.

But it's not. She wanted just girls at her party no matter the venue/event she chose; doesn't matter what kind of party it is.

You send the invite in the girls name, if her mother refuses the invite on her child's behalf that's for the mother to explain to her DD as to why.

If she says to you...but..but....then you just reply that's a shame DD was looking forward to your DD attending but never mind.

My 7 year old granddaughter has just had a pamper day birthday party for herself and six girl friends. A boy wouldn’t get a look in! The mother of the twins needs to accept that her twins are not conjoined. Crap, tasteless joke, sorry.

I agree.

Yes. And, generally, pampering IS only for girls. It’s perfectly normal for prepubescent children to prefer same sex friends and groups of friends. Adults should not try to imprint adult ideas on developing children. Shows a lack of knowledge of normal child development.