Not to invite this child to the party?

[SunshineAndFizz]

Up until now, all the kid’s birthday parties invited the full school class, but now they’re getting a bit older they’re starting to have girls-only or boys-only parties.

My daughter wants a girls-only party (inviting all girls in her class) to a ‘pamper party’ style party. The issue is that we have girl-boy twins in the class, and their mum won’t let the girl go to girls-only parties because her brother is excluded.

Should we have invited him as an exception?

I feel bad that the girl is missing out, but can only assume the boy will get invited to boys-only parties too, and it’s just the way things go when they’re getting older?

If he wants her to the twin's mother can take the boy to a pamper session at any time - the OP's DD isn't excluding boys because of the activity, she could have chosen paintball or a pool party or anything, she's excluding boys because she wants an all-girl party.

we have come across a couple of boy/girl twins during our school years and it’s never been a problem if one twin is invited to either a girl/boy party. The first time we did it for my child’s party I spoke to the mum as I felt bad and she said they are two separate children that just happened to be born at the same time.

I have also known girl twins in different classes that were invited to different party's from kids in their class. Mum just took what ever child was invited. It wasn’t a big deal.

The mum is the problem here don’t pamper to her she is being ridiculous and setting up her kids for upset.

I feel really sorry for the twins but it's not your fault. His mum is an idiot and her kids are going to miss out on a hell of a lot, so hopefully she'll stop being so ridiculous soon.
On this occasion it's girls only so she gets an invite and mum can tell her why she can't go.

There’s your answer then.

When they get older and have sleepovers, will she expect both to be invited? She’s a dick.

I have boy girl twins and I’d be fine with them being invited to girl only or boy only parties - assuming of course they are drop and go parties….

Mum of twins here.
Invite whoever you want. They have to get used to it and they want their own friends.

I think you misunderstood my comment. One would get invited as per the OP's DD's wishes, the other twin wouldn't. If mum was single or childcare was an issue - that would be the exception and both would get an invite. Just because they're twins doesn't mean they have to do everything together, they are allowed to be individual too, surely?

Invite the girl and text the Mum - it’s unavoidable and as others have said, it’s her problem as it’s her rule.

Because then the invited one wouldn't be able to go even if they wanted to then? Oh wait I guess I'm in the thick of parents staying to supervise their kids at parties. If kids are old enough to drop and go it wouldn't be an issue then I guess.

100% they're teenagers now and have always been treated as individuals. I suppose I've been fortunate that as a single mum, other parents would step in and keep an eye on the party goer for me.

I personally dislike gender specific parties and tell my boys (9 & 5) they have to invite both sexes to their parties - my own way of trying to counter the toxic masculinity crap, girls should be seen as just another friend.

HOWEVER I think it is far more important that boys do this as adult men are the problem and their viewing of women as objects rather than fellow human beings must start somewhere.

That said, apols for the tangent, I dont think yabu and I would stick to your guns, girls only.

Sounds like you have a good network ☺️ My kids are young so drop and go parties aren't yet a thing, so that experience is what my comment was based on since if one kid gets invited, either we all go or none of us go because of childcare and needing to supervise the party goer at the same time. I don't know the other parents well enough yet and neither would my kid feel comfortable or confident in that situation yet so it's tricky! (Not twins, but small age gap for mine).

We had the same and used to invite the boy twin and a friend for him.

Just seemed easier. The mother never mentioned it. But we all know how hard it could be.

The girl should be invited, but not the boy. These are not one child. They are two dc and different individuals. Your dd can choose all girls if she wants and should not have a dc foisted on her because he’s a twin. Just invite the dd. If the mum wants DS to come, it’s sorry but no from you. Who behaves like this with twins?! Bizarre. Are they not allowed to be individuals? Don’t go along with this.

We had this. I invited the boy from the twins over to play with DS and 5 other friends (all boys, year 1) The mum turned up too, unexpectedly, everyone else had dropped off, and brought the girl twin. It was so awkward, I had no space as the boys were in the living room playing, so we sat on the floor in my bedroom with the girl twin constantly complaining and tugging her mum's arm and saying what was there for her to play with, she didn't like 'boys toys' ...longest two hours of my life.

So, toxic femininity is better? Because that's what this is. If they want only their the boys to their party why is that "toxic"? You are teaching them that it is toxic to just want to hang out with the guys? And girls must be present whether they want them there or not? That sounds terribly toxic if you ask me.

Invite just the girl and if she feels as strong as it sounds she won’t go - no loss!!

If you just invite the gorl
twin will the parent turn up with BOTH twins on the day? Sounds like she’s batshit and the type who would!!

I had this with one mum always asking if the her DD could come at each party with her invited DS. The brother and sister came as a pair to all parties (not twins btw) We started off with hints until had to outright say NO she can not come. Finally got the message! Some people are just CFs.

Luckily I don’t think she’s the type to just turn up with both.

Just invite the girl. Make it clear its a girlie thing. If the Mum won't let the girl attend, that's on the Mum not you

It is your daughter's birthday.
Make sure the mother is aware it is a girls only party and then any decision she makes, is down to her.
It is a shame if her daughter misses out, but not your problem.

Send out the invites.. it will be crystal clear why this is girls only. It’s not your fault that the mum won’t treat her twins as individuals.

As an aside, gender separated parties are so common at this age. It’s actually easier when you have a limit on numbers to have a clear way of separating who is invited without causing hurt feelings.

i agree.