Not to invite this child to the party?

[SunshineAndFizz]

Up until now, all the kid’s birthday parties invited the full school class, but now they’re getting a bit older they’re starting to have girls-only or boys-only parties.

My daughter wants a girls-only party (inviting all girls in her class) to a ‘pamper party’ style party. The issue is that we have girl-boy twins in the class, and their mum won’t let the girl go to girls-only parties because her brother is excluded.

Should we have invited him as an exception?

I feel bad that the girl is missing out, but can only assume the boy will get invited to boys-only parties too, and it’s just the way things go when they’re getting older?

YANBU. Don’t cater to this parent.

Is she the type who will turn up with both kids?

This woman needs to work out that girls are allowed boundaries and that includes excluding her male child.

Because it’s really cruel to exclude just a few children from something they’ll all be talking about at school

I agree

I'm a boy/girl twin mum. The twin mum will create nothing but problems for her kids. Invite the girl. Up to the mother then. In these kind of situations I would love the fact I got 1:1 time with the none party going twin!

Invite her, state its girls only, be nice for her to do something independent of her brother. If she dosent turn up that's down to her mum not you.

That’s so weird. My brother and sister are twins and my mum realised they are actually separate people… so will probably have different friends. Just invite the girl - I would feel a bit bad though as she will possibly be the only girl in the class to miss out but unfortunately you can’t stop other payments from being nuts.

Give your child the party she wants. If the mum wants to spoil her daughter's fun that's not your problem.

@SunshineAndFizz I would respect your child's choice of who they want to invite.

The onky exception I would make in your situation is if the mum is a single mum so one twin can't come without the other.

I agree.

This is for the mum to deal with

You invite exactly and only who DD wants.

If you were being nice, if you send cake home you could always add a piece for him. But definitely not a party invite.

We’ve definitely not encouraged a b/g divide, as I mentioned above we have a son too so we’re always doing things together.

They’re turning 7 if it makes any difference? No idea if the twin boy would enjoy the pamper party (no reason not to) but it would also make me feel like we should be inviting other boys too that she does actually play with - and we have to draw the line somewhere. Plus girls-only is what she’s asked for.

I'd just invite friends, because I don't want my daughter to feel she should only socialise with one sex, or feel that she should only be friends with girls, so she will invite who she likes, never just children of a particular group (and the same goes for my son). While she's young, I don't want her feeling she has to do "girly" things and she can do football parties, not princess ones, if that's what she likes. If when she's older, she only wants pink stuff, fine, but I remember people telling me I had to be in certain groups/do certain things and I'mnot carrying on that cycle.

Not a single mum and the dad seems very hands on and does loads of the drop offs etc. so don’t think that’s the issue.

Twin parent here. This sort of nonsense as displayed by the mum does the rest of us no favours. Ours are both boys but even then they aren't some sort of gestalt entity.

You're probably going to get responses about gender and sexism blah blah blah.

Just a reminder that it's absolutely irrelevant to your actual question, which is whether or not to invite this girl.

Wait, why would that matter?

I'm a single boy/girl twin mum and I'd be mortified if my kids weren't invited to places based on them being twins and our family make up!

Because it’s really cruel to exclude just a few children from something they’ll all be talking about at school

Depends how many are invited, doesn't it. Inviting 6-10 out of 30 isn't 'excluding just a few'.

Not every parent can accommodate a whole class party. Should their child not have a party at all?

Plus girls-only is what she’s asked for.

^This. Your DD wants girls only, so you can't invite the boy.

If his mother chooses to not allow the girl to attend, that's her choice.

Their mum is ridiculous, now YOU don't be ridiculous! Girls only on the invite.

Twin mum here. I have 2 girls but if only 1 got invited to a party because it was her friend and not her twins friend I would be happy to take just that one. In fact I would be quite happy they have their own friends! And actively encourage this. Although this hasn't happened yet as they are only 4.

Lolol

What age is your daughter? I’d assume 12 at least if it’s a pamper party?

This. There's always one.
She doesn't get to tell you and your DD how to organise your DD's party and who should be on the guest list.
That's rubbish.
Stand your ground. If she argues, suggest its a great opportunity for her to have one on one time with her son. If you wanted to be magnanimous, (she's going to be in your orbit for a while) you could invite both twins for a school holidays playdate but stand your ground on the party.

I wish I could have given myself this advice years ago.. we've had some awkward, annoying times, giving into other mum's party demands. They were never particularly polite or grateful afterwards that the arrangements had been altered for them . And it never came from friendly mums anyway.

If she's a complainer, she's going to complain whatever you decide, even if the boy comes to the party (which he may not enjoy that much or feels like the odd one out ) you'll probably have to hear about that too.... so just do things the way you want as you will get complaints either way.