Not to invite this child to the party?

[SunshineAndFizz]

Up until now, all the kid’s birthday parties invited the full school class, but now they’re getting a bit older they’re starting to have girls-only or boys-only parties.

My daughter wants a girls-only party (inviting all girls in her class) to a ‘pamper party’ style party. The issue is that we have girl-boy twins in the class, and their mum won’t let the girl go to girls-only parties because her brother is excluded.

Should we have invited him as an exception?

I feel bad that the girl is missing out, but can only assume the boy will get invited to boys-only parties too, and it’s just the way things go when they’re getting older?

Invite the girl only and let the mother decline

surely the boy is invited to boys parties

Yanbu. Invite the girl and if the mum won't let her come then that's on her.

Invite the girl. Other parents dont dictate your daughters choices.

No it isn't cruel 😂What nonsense.

Being invited to a birthday party is not a human right.

The birthday child gets to decide who they want to invite as it's their special day. So all girl /all boys is fine just as 7 out of 12 boys/girls is fine too. Some parties are not feasible in larger groups as the birthday child don't like huge groups should such dc not have parties?

The coercive approach to inclusion has gone too far. People, and this includes children, should choose friends who they personally like. That's the idea of friendship it's entirely voluntary.

This whole aggressive inclusion thing is very consumerist as if friends are a commodity and friendships a service for others to USE. Fed up with that, it's an entirely unhealthy and unnatural approach.

Exactly this.

In my experience, its not so much that the Boy Twin is desperate to come to the party - whatever his CF mum says...

It's because she fancies two hours of childfree respite from her twins and can't be bothered entertaining the one that's not invited.

Its that simple... and I would say that to her.

In the same situation, I found that the child that didn't know anyone or wasn't part of the group needed nearly all my attention so I couldn't relax and enjoy my DC enjoying their party because I was effectively childminding a difficult sibling for a CF - who also surprise surprise turned up more than half an hour after everyone else had left and the venue were trying to chuck us out.

Stay firm. Let her fall out with you, if she's petty enough. It's either that or be imposed apon by a CF who thinks she can dictate who your DD should invite to her own birthday party.

We know a couple twin mums who parented like this and I think they are being very very unfair on their twins b/c they either miss out or are included in things they aren't really wanted at. Interestingly, both of them now have twins in their teens and they are very very resentful of their parents who seem clueless that how they parented their children as if they were 1 child, forcing the same hobbies, playdates, sports, parties, led to this.

I'm afraid it's not for you to change. I'd invite the daughter only. You cannot change the way the cookie will crumble for their children.

What's a pamper party? Can't you encourage your child to be a little less focused on gender / stereotypes?

Ah ok, the strange “how dare you do something you like?! You need to be righteous like me and do something else!”

Oh the apoplexy this sensible post will cause! 😆

I don't think that's what I said or implied 😂.

You do what your dd wants - just invite the girl. It’s then up to her mum to explain if she stops the girl coming because her brother isn’t invited. The mum needs to get used to the fact this is going to happen and they are separate human beings - not joined at the hip. It’s not for you to solve her parenting problems !

There’s a local place that does them for little ones - nail painting, hair styled, music and games.

It’s what she asked to do, I don’t see the issue with it, it’s her birthday and meant to be a treat so we’ve gone with her preference.

Your kid wants a girls party - so you invite all the girls in the class.

What the twin mum choses to do is her choice.

she is within her rights to not allow her girl to attend if she feels all parties should be for both her kidsz

you are entitled to only invite girls.

don’t over think this.

it is the twins mums choice to make .

you make an invitation - it is not a summons.

I have a twin brother and my mum wouldn’t have dreamed of stopping me going to a party because my brother wasn’t invited.

Difficult one.
On the surface the twin mum needs to get a grip on the fact that her children are individuals and cannot go on doing everything together.
On the other hand a party that reinforces gender stereotypes???? Not sure about that one.

She is nuts! The twin mum, I mean.

The mum is a twat. Totally ridiculous. The girl can’t attend then!

@Mischance Girls are girls! Some like girly things . Why should the DD have a party to please boys!!? Why adopt their gender preferences? Stuff that. Girls can do what they want and no one should criticise them. If that’s doing something associated with girls, so what? Leave the child alone.

The issue is it's reinforcing the idea for all the children that "pampering" is only for girls .

Well I am sure if the DD had wanted to invite boys then she could have, whether they would want to join in is a different matter!

A friend's younger brother joined in his sisters at home pamper party (purely because he had to as he was there and loved it). However he was aged 5 at the time.

I think sometimes we go to far it trying to be gender neutral that we forget that actually some girls do like girly things and why should they be stopped because it's not fair on boys. Or forcing boys to join in when they don't like it.

And the issue also is adults forcing- “no
you can’t do what you want or invite who you want for your birthday, you must virtue signal and do what I think is better”!!

It's daft to pretend that some things aren't girly, fair enough some boys might also enjoy them but there's a reason gender stereotypes are a thing.

What a weirdo that mum is!!

Invite the girl.

The mum is moronic.