Not to invite this child to the party?

[SunshineAndFizz]

Up until now, all the kid’s birthday parties invited the full school class, but now they’re getting a bit older they’re starting to have girls-only or boys-only parties.

My daughter wants a girls-only party (inviting all girls in her class) to a ‘pamper party’ style party. The issue is that we have girl-boy twins in the class, and their mum won’t let the girl go to girls-only parties because her brother is excluded.

Should we have invited him as an exception?

I feel bad that the girl is missing out, but can only assume the boy will get invited to boys-only parties too, and it’s just the way things go when they’re getting older?

Turning 7. What does the age matter though, DD has said who she wants to invite

It’s a 7th birthday. There’s a local place that caters for young ones - they get their nails painted, hair styled etc. and they play music and do games.

Finding it hard to believe this dilemma actually exists.

No.

This.
It’s been a long time since I hosted a child’s party but my kids only every invited their friends, not the whole class although one time the little sister of one girl did come too because dad dropped them off as mum was at work and he didn’t know any different. It wasn’t a problem as there was plenty of food and a spare goody bag…..actually she was a delightful little girl.

I wouldn’t worry about it, you’ve invited the girl, if she doesn’t go for whatever reason, nothing you can do, Though it’s understandable to be a little sad about it for the girl, but nothing you can do.

If you had said to your DD, she could just invite 6 classmates this year, boys or girls, she could have decided to invited the boy and not the girl, or maybe the girl and not the boy, or maybe none of them. Not accepting the invitation because one twin was invited and the other wasn’t is ridiculous.

I’m just going by what she’s asked for. We’ve never done ‘gender’ specific stuff with her or our son, always kept things neutral but from a very young age she naturally gravitated to ‘girly’ things like princesses and nail painting (tried football club with her and she hated it). I’m definitely not one for pushing anything - she specifically asked for all the girls in her class.

Just invite who your daughter wants. The twin mum is setting them up for a lifetime if disappointment if she thinks both kids need to have and do everything the same.

No.

Girl only.

They are twins, not one individual.

I have a feeling if you invite the twin girl, the mother will bring the twin boy too. Imagine the scene at the front door.

Some parents are thick as shite.

My DD also just turned seven and had an all girls party. Quite a few of her friends have done the same. Just invite the girl. The mum can deal with any rows or upset at home.

Just invite the girl. The mother is being ridiculous. My dd’s long time bff is a girl with a twin brother. Her dm has never insisted him on being included. Twins have a right to their own lives and friendships.

Invite the girl only (making it clear it is only for her e.g. framing it clearly as a girls party) and if the mum says no, that's on them. The mum is treating them as a job lot, when they're two separate individuals but that's on her not you.

I’m trying to be nice making sure I do the right thing. If it’s not something for you, that’s totally fine, keep on scrolling.

I have boy/girl twins and age 7 was a while ago for them now, but pretty sure at that age my son wouldn't have wanted to go to one of his sister's friend's birthdays, unless it was a big thing with lots of his friends. And as their mum, I would have appreciated some one-on-one time with my son, as it is difficult to get that when your children are the same age. It may have been different for mine as they were in different classes at primary.

They both tended to be closer to the same sex friends though. I never had an issue with wanting them to conform to stereotypes and quite happily took my son to preschool in a princess dress when he was playing dressing up with his sister at home (I must say he looked gorgeous!) even though the preschool staff raised their eyebrows which I found a bit off. But they just naturally gravitated towards friends of the same sex by the age of 7.

This is the twins mum's issue, not yours OP. It's her choice to force her dd to miss out.

I'm a mum to boy/girl twins. Mine were 9 when DS wanted a challenge party (popular at the time) and DD wanted a Hawaiian party. And neither was invited to each others party.

The mum is being ridiculous, separate friends, interests, play dates and parties are the norm as they get older. I would say invite the girl only, stand your ground if the mum questions it. Yes she is coming - Fabulous. No - she is not coming because her brother is not invited - oh that is a shame, I'll tell my daughter. Thanks for letting me know'

The mum of mixed twins is being ridiculous. Her children are individual human beings. They will have different friends, interests, invitations going forward in life - as they should!

Invite the girl only. I am not a huge fan of girl/boy only parties if it means inviting girls or boys they dont play with at the expense of friends they do play with but in this instance the mum is being ridiculous. If she chooses to stop her daughter going to a party because her brother isnt invited she will be the one who has to explain that. I am assuming she stops her son going to boy only parties for the same reason? She is being ridiculous and needs to realise her kids are people in there own rights not an extension of each other.

Of course you're not being unreasonable. It's a girls party and the twin's parent is being unreasonable expecting you to invite her brother too. By the age of 7 he may well be embarrassed being included in a girls party. Does she also insist that her daughter is included in boys laserquest/football parties? It's not her party and if she wants to deny her children attendance at birthday parties, that is on her.

Invite the girl only. It isn't your problem that the mum hasn't yet realised her twins are different people.

The twin mum is setting them up for a lifetime if disappointment if she thinks both kids need to have and do everything the same.

I imagine the girl - or both of them - will rebel at some point when they realise they're missing out. And come Yr 7 at latest when they're arranging their own social lives, there'll be an end to it.

I have boy girl twins and it was about the age of 7 that I had to explain to them that they wouldn’t both be invited to everyone’s birthday party but they would each be invited to some during the year. They got it immediately without any upset.

in fact, when some very kindly parents invited my boy to a girl’s party he declined because he didn’t want to be the only boy there.

Kids understand these dynamics better than the parents sometimes.

Just invite the girl twin, it’s up to their mother to explain it to them without making them feel bad about it.

I agree with this - invite just the girl but make it very clear that it is just her that's invited - I wouldn't put it past entitled twin mum to turn up on the day with both......

Perhaps specifically to entitled mum say that you need to know exact numbers for the venue so "please RSVP that Penelope can definitely attend so that I can mark that as one place taken" .

How is it cruel? Would you invite the entire class to join you on vacation? Or any other event where maybe the child's best friend came along? Inclusivity is out of control as it is. It is crazy to think you have to invite the entire class just because someone may not like not being invited. I was raised that invitations were appreciated but never OWED. It not healthy and fosters a terrible sense of entitlement when this kind of practice is taking place. This is right up there with one child is having their birthday party but some people insist on bringing gifts for other kids so they wont feel left out. They should be left out. It isn't their party! Resilience will never be developed in these cases.