AIBU to refuse a full early Christmas with young children?

[WarmHare]

My in-laws want to celebrate Christmas early (28th/29th of November) due to them going away throughout December.

They brought this up last weekend & we tentatively agreed, however it’s now clear that we all misunderstood what “celebrate” meant.

They are wanting to replicate Christmas Day, my issue is we have very young children, who very much believe in Father Christmas, therefore I don’t want two Christmases confusing them & our second actually real Christmas having the shine taken off.

I offered a compromise of them coming over for the weekend, helping the children decorate the tree, we’ll go to the Pantomime (they start mid November here) then we’ll give them their gifts & have a curry, they really want to give the children & us our gifts & recreate Christmas morning.

As to not drip feed, some context points

DH thinks we should let them replicate Christmas.

They're cruising the first three weeks of December then having Christmas week in Canada, this has been planned & booked for 2 years, its for their 50th wedding anniversary.

We don’t always spend Christmas Day together so we’re not breaking any traditions.

They are lovely people & don’t usually ask much of us, so the guilty side of me is feeling bad

My DH checked that the reason they are being so insistent about early gifts isn’t because they’re are for things before Christmas i.e concert tickets etc, they’re not planning anything like that

So am I being unreasonable & we should just let them completely replicate Christmas or am I not being unreasonable & my compromise seems fair.

Come off it: the “actual story”? I’m an atheist but even I know that only two gospels mention the birth of Jesus, only one mentions shepherds and none talk about a manger. It just wasn’t important for them because what mattered was his ministry and resurrection.

Where do they even mention a donkey at Jesus’s birth? And the wise men came much later, probably when everyone is back from their holidays.

It is a cultural festival, mostly.

Where I'm from, Santa brings presents from just him. Relatives give their presents to the kids. The kids know that they're from grandparents etc.

Can you do that? I would still do your plan (which sounds lovely) but if the issue is the Santa Claus thing then it might be an idea?

OP, could you give them the details for the Langham (or similar) and suggest that it would be lovely to take the children over the weekend they have mentioned?

Santa will be in London by then and they will enjoy taking the little ones to see him.

This way, they get the warm Christmassy feeling, with no need for you to do anything extra, such as cooking.

https://langhamlondon.christmas/

Nah, it's too confusing for the little ones - and it's too much like hard work! Pnce a year is enough. Putting up the tree? Goodness me! It's just them going on holiday, not someone who's terminal who won't make Xmas. I think they're being a bit much to be honest.

Why can they just not give the gifts to the children and say these are from them and they can have them early?

I completely agree.

I have a roast, chocolates and watch a film/play games at least a couple of times a month.

The only difference is there are presents involved and the kids aren’t going to complain about that.

I would only exchange PIL gifts and not mention Father Christmas.

Very young children have no sense of time anyway so it shouldn't matter. If they are slightly older just tell them that FC knew grandparents for going away so came early for your party. Plenty of children have parties where FC comes and gives them a present such as parents work parties, etc and the children don't question it. They are too busy enjoying the presents.
It really whether you are on board. Christmas can be exhausting for parents so how much work are you willing to contribute to it.

Exactly
They chose this time to travel , they didn't suddenly think "Bloody Hell , I've just realised Christmas is on the 25th of December this year !"

They have made their choises , they don't get to dictate to you .

Under 5 is the time DC are really into Christmas . Once they are a bit older their friends will tell them it isn't real.,

A meal , some presents . "These are from Gran&Grandad"

I am a 100% Christmas Fan.
They are over stepping .

I’m Childfree and wouldn’t like this, Santa comes once a year.

They decided to be away for the whole of December so will have to compromise.

Absolutely storm in a teacup

They haven’t mentioned Father Christmas; decorating a tree; stockings etc

All they’ve said is to give gifts and have a roast. And the one odd suggestion that they tell the children that it’s Christmas the next morning… (I doubt they said this but hey ho) then so easily resolved by saying to the children “granny is joking!!! Look, no stockings!!”

You missed it’s their Golden Wedding? Or are you suggesting that can be moved?

Now if it was one was ill/had family who were ill or had some emergency reason they couldn't join you 25/12, I'd have some sympathy. But they're CHOOSING to leave you all for a cruise. Their right, and if they're normally decent as you say, I wouldn't complain about it, but that's totally different to expecting you to change everything to suit them.
A few concessions-fine.
Everything-no.

Whatever the background, I do think they need to understand they can’t have their cake and eat it. The DCs’ experience is far, far more important than theirs. I’d expect any decent person to understand that - and to recognise that different families do things differently. You bring your own traditions, so your family is not a replica of their son’s childhood family.

If they don’t understand all of that, they’re not fundamentally decent people, so you don’t need to respect or tread so carefully around their preferences.

Imagine being willing to ruin a child’s Christmas for the sake of adult preferences. Ridiculous.

Crucially, they don’t need to understand why your traditions differ, or how exactly they work. They just need to believe you when you tell them what will and will not work in your household.

But what if the one present they really want isn't there, and its not going to be there for another month???

This could turn into a disaster of a day. I've got that T-shirt over a £20 toy. And a confused kid mixed up between Birthday and Christmas.

Parties and Santa visits are different because kids clock quickly the multiple Santa's and Santa's helpers.
Getting up on the morning to a bundle of gifts is too similar to Christmas morning that it can be confusing

I’d happily do a roast, let the kids open grandparents gifts, play board games, open chocolates - none of that is a big deal in fact minis the gifts that’s a pretty normal Sunday in winter at my house. You can tell the kids you’re having a bit of Christmas early for gran and grandad - no spoiled magic, no big effort.

I'd be up for a Christmas themed get together with a nice meal but not the attempt at replicating Christmas Eve with all that "it's Christmas tomorrow" stuff. No that's just going to confuse them and take the shine off the real Christmas day and create more work for you.

And for what it's worth I don't get the argument that they just have to see the kids open their presents. Since when did opening presents become a performance?

This is how I feel, it’s too confusing, too much effort for the food and decorations, I’m just torn as 99% they are not unreasonable people, so should I allow them this one indulgence….

I don’t see the issue.
We used to have two Christmases with the two sets of Grandparents and sometimes a third Christmas at home depending on my parents work schedule.
We always knew when the real Christmas Day was.

100% with you on the kids shouldn’t have to open gifts in front of the people who brought them, I fear we may be in the losing camp on this one though as most of MN feel differently.

Because you have utterly exaggerated this!

no Santa, no stockings, no tree

just presents and a roast

and IF (they won’t) they say it’s Christmas the next day you just say granny if joking!

They are indulging themselves on a cruise. They can wait until their return.

They could put gifts under their tree for their return. And have the whole family round together.
Then its them doing the hard work and its not taking the shine of your Christmas

@WarmHare why should you be the only one backing down though? There are so many compromise options.

They chose to travel for Christmas as is their prerogative but that doesn't mean you need to do something you're not happy with. Their actions have consequences.

If DH wants to plan and throw an elaborate Christmas, let him. But I'll bet they're all expecting you to do most of the work for it!

I would put my foot down. Say this is what we can do "panto and tree decorating" "Christmas experience at X Place" "you can have the kids for a Christmas movie sleepover and give them their presents" whatever you decide is best. Tell them not to mention Santa Claus because he is ONLY coming on Christmas Eve.

If they don't like it, tough shit.

They chose to book the trip.
They don't get to choose what other people do .

I appreciate they rescheduled the cruise rather than planned it for December, but they have made a choice to be away. They don't get to have a fake Christmas just because they want one.

There is always 2027 as the children are still so young, and in any case, if they brought their children up not to believe, they shouldn't be pissed off if next year the children have grown out of the magic.

Have a nice day, open the presents, but don't do a whole Christmas.

It’s not too confusing it’s magic. You are adding the confusion, it’s magic.
Now the hard work is another thing. If they want it they can do it, cook, wrap, decorate. Happy to join in not happy to do extra work.

but that is YOUR answer, not the OP's