To think my age gap / sugar baby relationship is nobody else’s business?

[spicysugarbb]

AIBU to think people are being hypocritical about my relationship?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I’m 29. Until last year I worked in an office job earning just under £100k. I wasn’t struggling, but equally I wasn’t exactly living the life I wanted either.

About 18 months ago I met a man in his early 60s. He’s very wealthy. Before anyone asks, yes, this is essentially a sugar relationship.

He pays my rent, gives me a monthly allowance, takes me on holidays, buys me lovely gifts etc. In return, we spend time together, go out for dinner, weekends away and yes, we have sex.

The thing is, it isn’t as transactional as people imagine. We do the whole “love you” thing, kiss goodbye, hold hands, cuddle on the sofa and so on. But I honestly think we’re both cynical enough to understand exactly what we’re doing. I know I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t wealthy. Equally, I doubt he’d have pursued me if I were his age. It sounds awful written down, but it feels strangely honest.

We’re genuinely fond of each other and enjoy each other’s company, we make each other laugh, we’ll happily spend hours talking over dinner, watch films together, i look forward to his messages during the day, but neither of us is pretending it’s some sweeping romance.

The issue is his family.

He has children who are roughly my age. They’re polite enough to my face, but I know they judge me. I completely understand why they might. From their perspective I’m probably just some gold-digger waiting for their inheritance - despite the fact there’s a will to ensure I get nothing. But equally, they’re all financially comfortable because of him, so I do wonder whether they’re judging me for benefiting from his money while being perfectly happy to benefit themselves.

A friend also found out recently and was horrified. She said I was “selling myself” and couldn’t understand how I could live like this.

I don’t really see it that way. Plenty of people marry primarily for money or status and convince themselves it’s love. At least we’re honest with ourselves.

So… AIBU to think it’s nobody else’s business, as long as we’re both consenting adults who know exactly what the arrangement is? Or is everyone else right and I’m kidding myself?

Your scornful remarks about the OP are the prime example of a triggered individual.

Yes, the market is unable, but, as I said, she clearly feels comfortable enough to quit her job.

Come on. You know how youth and youthful beauty is valued. Even the biggest female Hollywood stars start transitioning to character parts when they hover around 40. Awful, but the way it is and because this is transactional on both sides, it makes it precarious (but not for the party with the £££)

18 months? How on earth is that doing well? Honestly, you set such a low bar, it's laughable. The OP is yet another woman being played for a fool by a clever old man.

Yep, I think this post nailed it. Someone is being taken advantage of in this relationship and it ain't the OP!

do wonder if there is men responding to this. People urging her into wholesale prostitution

It's interesting that one of those posters has accused me of being BatchCookBabe's boyfriend (because I was supporting BCB against straw person attacks) as if the concept of a woman supporting another woman is alien.

If he's paid her rent for over a year, alongside showering her with an allowance and expensive gifts, she is doing relatively well.

I can't imagine the OP living in a hovel while earning £100K 🙄

I haven't set any bar. I am not the OP.

I'm genuinely shocked that you don't seem to realise quite how high other women's expectations are, but I also appreciate that I'm probably somewhat out of touch with reality, and am incredibly fortunate to be in that position.

But the non hovel is now being paid for by a man she doesn't love and who doesn't love her, with no financial ties whatever.

How long do you think she will be be to be there if he bails? OK she might get one of those paid employment things she doesn't like, but if she doesn't, she is screwed.

My mother gave me one very harsh but very true bit of advice "There will always be someone younger and prettier than you". Fortunately I've been married to decent men who wanted to be in an equal relationship. The OP can't say the same.

Yes, that's great for you. However, the OP is comfortable with what she is receiving.

If it were me, I would ask for more.

So what if she doesn't love the man who is paying her rent? The OP had a career prior and likely would have savings should he find no use for her.

She can return to work or find another sugar daddy if she chooses. There are many out there.

Your mother is right; I agree with her. That's why it's important to have yourself together.

Yes, it is no one's business. But most people marry for love, surely. To tell yourself plenty of people marry for money implies that you have quite a jaded attitude to love and marriage.

And it is a little odd to think there's no difference between him spending money on you and him spending money on his own children. They are his family, his descendants. It's normal to inherit from your parents. You are an incomer who likes him paying you to have sex with him. That's entirely your business as two consenting adults, but there's not really a link between shared family wealth and prostitution.

Well, I don't think we'll ever know if she has a cool million saved up as a cushion as it doesn't look like she's coming back, and has left everyone arguing amongst each other about the wisdom of what she's doing.

I will still say that finding a sugar daddy in your 20s is probably rather easier than at 30+, or 40+.

Not true. Very different from men who travel to Asia. There they are preying on people who have to resort to prostitution to survive.

OP, if details are true, had a very lucrative, successful career in her twenties, earning way more than most people ever will. So she had the freedom to make the choice. And she is financially, and therefore possibly socially and educationally not dissimilar to her wealthy lover. The age difference means nothing once both parties are fully adults.

I worry for OP that she gave up a good career to be dependent on him, but she is clearly capable of taking good care of herself financially. Not at all the same as peole who need to sell themselves to get the basics in life. She has a choice.

Do you think OP is the only sugar-baby. She may have been a high earner but there is 1000’s of young ladies a lot younger than OP signed up to this to pay off debt, rent, university, and for nice things.
It’s a false sense of security. She is having a sexual relationship for money, not all sugar daddy’s are the type to treat it as a boyfriend girlfriend relationship.
She is just playing the role in a pretty woman, Julie Robert’s scenario in the seedy world of sugar daddy roles. Even the name “Sugar Daddy” fucks “Sugar baby” it is pretty sick.

You seem naive if you believe this pile of nonsense thread is genuine. Yeah, I’m sure that she left 100,000 per year job for a rich sugar daddy.
Do you have hairy hands?

Not. Gonna. Happen.

PMSL at anyone being 'triggered' at what the OP is doing!😂

How old is your sugar daddy @BlueFahrenheit ???

😆LOLOLOLOL! Oh yeah, that's me, DRIPPING with envy at the OP's life with a man old enough to be her grandad. I'll stick with my gorgeous husband ta, who is 6 MONTHS older than me. And he doesn't need to support me either, because I am quite capable of earning my own money.

@Jackiepumpkinhead seems rather 'triggered' that many posters don't believe the OP earns £100K a year, OR the bunch of people on here claiming they (or their DC) do.

People are entitled to not believe, especially - as you say - when the stats back up their 'disbelief.'

The delusion is rife on here (from some!)

I think everyone's gone to bed. 😂

In 5 years time, you won't presumably have anything to show for this relationship, you won't have worked for 5 years so your career will be in the shit, and you'll have precious few years left to start a family of your own. Future partners may be alarmed or put off that you were willing to sell yourself to a man more than twice your age. Do you actually find him attractive?

I think if you want to do this now for a short period of time, that's your choice, but I think it would be crazy to do it longer term.

To be fair at 29 and him early 60s, he’s old enough to be her father not grandfather, unless he was a dad at 14 or 15 and his kid was also a parent early teens.

It all sounds a bit mercenary and transactional in my opinion. If it floats your boat then it’s up to you I guess. I can see why his children aren’t jumping with joy that their father has someone in his life who is basically just with him for the money.

Interesting thread.
The comment about of not having succeeded by 30 is comment worthy.

I do see this point and I do see that the comment is not without merit.

Though I'd have to be fair and say that the women I know who've married financially well were more of a pretty face to the man and were pretty shrewd themselves.

I suppose if you're a successful man you've got options:

Pretty, sexy but not much use elsewhere OR pretty, sexy and useful in other ways.

In a long-term relationship, it would be wise to pick the latter.

Who knows if she's smart enough to earn that amount, they may have interesting conversations.
I'm not one to defend men as a rule but maybe sex is just part of it for him.