To think my age gap / sugar baby relationship is nobody else’s business?

[spicysugarbb]

AIBU to think people are being hypocritical about my relationship?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I’m 29. Until last year I worked in an office job earning just under £100k. I wasn’t struggling, but equally I wasn’t exactly living the life I wanted either.

About 18 months ago I met a man in his early 60s. He’s very wealthy. Before anyone asks, yes, this is essentially a sugar relationship.

He pays my rent, gives me a monthly allowance, takes me on holidays, buys me lovely gifts etc. In return, we spend time together, go out for dinner, weekends away and yes, we have sex.

The thing is, it isn’t as transactional as people imagine. We do the whole “love you” thing, kiss goodbye, hold hands, cuddle on the sofa and so on. But I honestly think we’re both cynical enough to understand exactly what we’re doing. I know I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t wealthy. Equally, I doubt he’d have pursued me if I were his age. It sounds awful written down, but it feels strangely honest.

We’re genuinely fond of each other and enjoy each other’s company, we make each other laugh, we’ll happily spend hours talking over dinner, watch films together, i look forward to his messages during the day, but neither of us is pretending it’s some sweeping romance.

The issue is his family.

He has children who are roughly my age. They’re polite enough to my face, but I know they judge me. I completely understand why they might. From their perspective I’m probably just some gold-digger waiting for their inheritance - despite the fact there’s a will to ensure I get nothing. But equally, they’re all financially comfortable because of him, so I do wonder whether they’re judging me for benefiting from his money while being perfectly happy to benefit themselves.

A friend also found out recently and was horrified. She said I was “selling myself” and couldn’t understand how I could live like this.

I don’t really see it that way. Plenty of people marry primarily for money or status and convince themselves it’s love. At least we’re honest with ourselves.

So… AIBU to think it’s nobody else’s business, as long as we’re both consenting adults who know exactly what the arrangement is? Or is everyone else right and I’m kidding myself?

If you guys are happy with this arrangement then it’s no one else’s business.

Well yeah in a way it's no one else business but if you're telling people, expect them to be shocked. Obviously his kids are concerned about their inheritance and their father being taken advantage of.

At the end of the day people are entitled to their opinions, but you don't have to care about them

No judgement here. It's a win win. Don't concern yourself with what other people think.

Just one serious question tho. Do you look at men your own age and find them attractive etc. Does that make you sometimes question the set up you have chosen ?

X

No office job pays 100k. All sounds like a fantasy to me.

She said they have sex.

Labelling the relationship as you have and talking about sugar babies etc is very different to an age gap relationship built on love and mutual attraction.
I agree with your friend, you are selling yourself. He pays your rent and in return you sleep with him.

I don't think I could've ever shagged a man 30yrs my senior. Doesn't it make you cringe?

All the paid rent and gifts couldn't make up for the ick factor tbh.

@Bananacrepewithnuts
I can absolutely appreciate an attractive man my own age, and yes, objectively my boyfriend isn’t as physically attractive as he was 20 or 30 years ago. But physical attractiveness has never been enough for me on its own.

For me, a man’s ability to provide, make life easier, be generous and create experiences together is far more attractive than a six-pack. Personally, I’d get very little satisfaction from coming home to a male model if we were worrying about paying the rent, living in a tiny flat and arguing over whose turn it was to do the washing up.

Not very romantic but it’s how I feel - and I’ve been in plenty of relationships with guys my age!

If it makes you both happy and isn’t harming anyone then it’s nobody else’s business.

People will judge though. You are essentially getting paid for sex and relationship services and that’s always been judged. I don’t agree with you that plenty of people marry primarily for wealth or status, a few do but not most, and those that do get judged too.

What’s your long term plan? At some point you won’t be young enough to be a sugar baby and you’re not going to inherit. Will you go back to your old career?

Sounds fine to me. But be prepared for him to drop you like a stone if a better looking, younger version of you turns his eye. I’ve seen it happen more times than I can remember. Don’t be naive.

If this is real, you’re mad to have given up a £100k pa career in your twenties for an arrangement that will not last.

Even if you’re still doing this in 20 years when he dies in his eighties, you’ve built no security for yourself. I doubt he’s making pension contributions for you. Is the monthly allowance enough to save for a house deposit?

If he ended it tomorrow, could you walk back into a high-paying job? What about if you’ve been out of work for 10 or 20 years?

You may want to work on your reading comprehension.

You’re not a sugar baby - how ridiculous. You’re a prostitute and that’s fine. Julia Roberts you ain’t tho’
howling at you thinking it’s anything other than that.

if any of this is real btw.

@patootiesYes we have sex.
Plenty of office jobs pay 100K. Note the lack of personal details including degree, qualification etc as I don’t want to make this outing

As ‘office job’ covers a broad range of roles, many senior people work in an office. I’d say I have an office job. Corporate role. I go into an office a few times a week. It’s not manual labour. I don’t work outside, or in a shop. I make well over £150k. Office job could mean senior leadership, or junior admin staff. It’s vague enough. But not sure why people are saying she didn’t earn that much doing an ‘office job’.

I’m not judging at all but I thought a sugar baby/daddy relationship didn’t actually involve sex? So it seems more like you’re an escort of sorts you’re providing him with what he wants/needs in exchange for money. If you’re both happy sod what other people think, but I will say I can see why his children are upset. I wouldn’t like this if it was my dad. U both know if it wasn’t for his money you wouldn’t be there so you are what they see you as.. a gold digger

It’s up to you what you do with your life but on the other hand if my daughter decided to live this life I would be devastated.

I had a couple of these kinds of relationships in my mid-20s, and I preferred them for so many reasons, including good conversations, great sex, nice restaurants and travel. I got to experience things that I otherwise wouldn’t have; I grew up incredibly sheltered and I was hungry for life experiences, and rich older men provided that for a while.

Exactly

Own it love, you're a prostitute.
You are in it for the money.

It’s a form of prostitution whether you kissed, hug and snuggle.
It is your business if you want to sell your time in a transactional relationship but don’t be foolish enough to think that you won’t be judged for it.
I’m sure his children are mortified by his behaviour.
Wealthy and a pervert.
No different than the poorer men who travel to Asia for the same reason.

@minipie@IDasIX
I guess if this goes on for 10-20 years I’d have like to have received some more substantial gifts (house?) than simply jewellery.
Otherwise if this ends sooner I’ll be young and attractive enough to find a similar arrangement.