To think my age gap / sugar baby relationship is nobody else’s business?

[spicysugarbb]

AIBU to think people are being hypocritical about my relationship?

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I’m 29. Until last year I worked in an office job earning just under £100k. I wasn’t struggling, but equally I wasn’t exactly living the life I wanted either.

About 18 months ago I met a man in his early 60s. He’s very wealthy. Before anyone asks, yes, this is essentially a sugar relationship.

He pays my rent, gives me a monthly allowance, takes me on holidays, buys me lovely gifts etc. In return, we spend time together, go out for dinner, weekends away and yes, we have sex.

The thing is, it isn’t as transactional as people imagine. We do the whole “love you” thing, kiss goodbye, hold hands, cuddle on the sofa and so on. But I honestly think we’re both cynical enough to understand exactly what we’re doing. I know I wouldn’t be with him if he wasn’t wealthy. Equally, I doubt he’d have pursued me if I were his age. It sounds awful written down, but it feels strangely honest.

We’re genuinely fond of each other and enjoy each other’s company, we make each other laugh, we’ll happily spend hours talking over dinner, watch films together, i look forward to his messages during the day, but neither of us is pretending it’s some sweeping romance.

The issue is his family.

He has children who are roughly my age. They’re polite enough to my face, but I know they judge me. I completely understand why they might. From their perspective I’m probably just some gold-digger waiting for their inheritance - despite the fact there’s a will to ensure I get nothing. But equally, they’re all financially comfortable because of him, so I do wonder whether they’re judging me for benefiting from his money while being perfectly happy to benefit themselves.

A friend also found out recently and was horrified. She said I was “selling myself” and couldn’t understand how I could live like this.

I don’t really see it that way. Plenty of people marry primarily for money or status and convince themselves it’s love. At least we’re honest with ourselves.

So… AIBU to think it’s nobody else’s business, as long as we’re both consenting adults who know exactly what the arrangement is? Or is everyone else right and I’m kidding myself?

the circles where 27 year olds (as she was 27 when she gave up) earn £100k are small and people tend to know each other and hear things.

And all of them seem to be posting on this thread!

I’m specifically responding to "Investment Banking apprenticeship" eh? in response to someone talking about a 27 year old woman (who isn’t a sex worker) on a six figure salary.

I’m curious as to what the sex is like!!

The envy drips off you.

Possibly? I can't speculate what field she is in; however, I don't think it's impossible.

Scornful.

She could apply for an investment banking apprenticeship, too.

I would be thinking about how you're going to buy a home in due course. Are you able to save any money towards a deposit?

Whilst you're not working, now would seem like a good time to do a Masters/PhD / other courses that would help you find a more fulfilling role in your field in the future.

I too would like to know of an office job which pays this salary…

Well, if she has accumulated enough wealth, she may not need to work again.

Smart!

She's already failed to play the game. She's living in a rented flat at almost 30. Smarter women already have the luxury house and the lifestyle by then - those women are the ones that have done well for themselves. The OP is merely scratching around in the leftovers.

There's nothing envious about BatchCookBabe's post. She's pointing out reality.

I think his kids are being very diplomatic being polite to your face tbh. How would you feel if your dad was dating a woman your age? It’s weird for the children & obviously in their eyes you are a gold digger, which you pretty much admit to. You want them to like you for it?

Long hours? For £100,000? At 29? Quelle horreur. 😱

Vs being a 'kept woman', by a rich old fart. For sex.

Tough choice. 🤢😬

Rent, which her sugar daddy chooses to pay.

She can work towards landing her luxury lifestyle if she chooses. 29 is still young 🙄

It’s nobody else’s business.
Take no notice of the bitchy comments on here.
However old you were, his contemporary even, his kids would still disapprove. They nearly always do.

Don’t give up work.
Save as much as you can.
Be prepared to become his nurse (if it lasts that long) and enjoy your time together as long as you are both cognizant that one day you might end up alone.
You’re not harming anyone.

Her blinkered reality! Why would people lie? Most posters aren’t saying they earn that amount, but that it is possible. It’s really arrogant and ignorant to assume you know the salaries of all workers in their 20’s.

Especially if she gave up a supposed high flying career for this!

Bit of a fail, as the kids might say.

I'd check out by the time he requires a nurse! 😂

The Ruined Maid
By Thomas Hardy
"O 'Melia, my dear, this does everything crown!
Who could have supposed I should meet you in Town?
And whence such fair garments, such prosperi-ty?" —
"O didn't you know I'd been ruined?" said she.

— "You left us in tatters, without shoes or socks,
Tired of digging potatoes, and spudding up docks;
And now you've gay bracelets and bright feathers three!" —
"Yes: that's how we dress when we're ruined," said she.

— "At home in the barton you said thee' and thou,'
And thik oon,' and theäs oon,' and t'other'; but now
Your talking quite fits 'ee for high compa-ny!" —
"Some polish is gained with one's ruin," said she.

— "Your hands were like paws then, your face blue and bleak
But now I'm bewitched by your delicate cheek,
And your little gloves fit as on any la-dy!" —
"We never do work when we're ruined," said she.

— "You used to call home-life a hag-ridden dream,
And you'd sigh, and you'd sock; but at present you seem
To know not of megrims or melancho-ly!" —
"True. One's pretty lively when ruined," said she.

— "I wish I had feathers, a fine sweeping gown,
And a delicate face, and could strut about Town!" —
"My dear — a raw country girl, such as you be,
Cannot quite expect that. You ain't ruined," said she.

This came to mind. I think if the 'maid' had deliberately left a 100K job to sit on her doubtless currently well shaped bottom while being 'kept', it would have less plangency, TBH.

I agree.

I presume she does not know anyone earning 100k+

Really strange attitude isn’t it. So many people earn more than me, I couldn’t care less.

I'm looking at this as someone on the other side - an independently wealthy woman married to a wealthy man. Over the years, I've seen women like the OP constantly attempting to break into our social circle, becoming increasingly desperate for literally any scrag ends tossed their way as the years go by. It's highly amusing but it's also rather tragic seeing the lengths they'll go to in pursuit of a lifestyle that will always remain firmly our of their grasp. As I said, the OP has already played the game and failed to win.

It's completely your business OP and good for you, I say.

That's harsh. Op met this guy relatively recently.

She's almost 30. The game has already been played and won.