Ex has just hurt DS aged 7

[moryn]

Ez has DS 3 nights and I have him 4.

Had just got in from work and received a phone call from ex’s phone but it was DS. He was distressed saying that his dad has hurt him.

He was ‘grabbing’ him with force and throw him onto the bed. He was also swearing at him multiple times and used the F word. DS said he was hurting him and felt very unsafe.

I could hear ex in the background saying that DS has kicked off as they were leaving a BBQ ‘as usual, as he does every week’.

I immediately went to pick him up. DS extremely distressed, saying he was/is scared. Is repeatedly asking me to lock all the doors and windows as he’s scared his dad will come back and hurt him. He says he doesn’t feel safe right now.

DS has been crying saying he never thought he’d have to go through something like this.

WTF do I do? Of course comforting him and lots of cuddles.

He can give his version to SS or the police then. He deliberately didn’t drop his son off to avoid giving an opportunity explanation which speaks volumes.

Police straight away, and social services (MASH).

Police will inform social care

I would call the non emergency line and ask for advice .

I hope you have phoned the police by now.

Police
you must get this on record
and child stays with you
let the dad / dick take it to court

Police, take pictures of any injuries and get him seen medically. And an application to family court to look at child arrangements, to prevent contact unsupervised certainly as it is a risk.

If there’s no history of violence or abuse I’d want my exes side of the story. He could have carried him away from the BBQ mid temper tantrum and placed him on his bed to calm down; this could easily be turned into the version of events you have from the perspective of a dysregulated young child.

My DSD once told us at a similar age that her Grandad “threw” her into a car when she was having a tantrum. The entire incident was on ring doorbell and he absolutely did not 🤷🏻‍♀️ how something feels to an upset child isn’t always reality.

I have worked with children and the first thing they tell us re safeguarding is that you don’t quiz the child and you don’t speak to the alleged abuser. You log the details exactly as told by the child and then you contact the appropriate safeguarding lead who will take it from there.

OP please don’t delve too deeply into it, you saw how upset and scared your DS was, and you don’t want to prejudice anything else he says by putting words in his mouth, don’t ask him any leading questions, just ask him to clearly explain what happened in the order it happened, write that down and then speak to your local safeguarding agency - look up MASH on your council’s website.

Hope your DS is ok tonight.

But this isn’t an employee situation, this is 2 parents & grandparents. Let’s turn the situation round imagine the son says this about mother would everyone’s answer be the same? If this didn’t happen the way the son has portrayed it could ruin the parental relationship forever. Think asking Dad what happened first is a right thing to do.

Do you really think that ex will tell the truth? Of course he won't. He'll tell a version that suits himself.

Here is a child who is so scared of his father (abuser) turning up that he now has his mum going round checking doors and windows are all secure. That didn't just come from nowhere.

Ridiculous, stupid and dangerous advice.

OP, you need to report this to the police and to children's social services. It is a child protection issue.

Also, stop contact. Stop sending your DS to an abuser. From now on offer supervised contact only, and then only if DS is willing for it.

This happened to a friend of mine: when his 8-year-old daughter, Katie, came home from her mom’s house she told him that her mom’s boyfriend pushed her down the stairs! The parents get along great and the dad liked the guy, so he called his ex right away to see what was up. Turns out, the boyfriend had just told Katie to put her coat on because they were leaving, and she had a meltdown. The mom said absolutely nothing happened and eventually the child admitted she made it up because she was mad at her Mom's boyfriend.

Absolutely.

I came across a near identical scenario as the OP's in my job with a child.
Sadly it WAS the tip of the iceberg, and over the months that followed more and more abuse was disclosed by the child :(

You MUST report this to the police OP, these sort of men need to be prevented from having access to their child.
Were you a victim of DV with the ex? As your hesitance to contact police straight away when your child has been abused is concerning, and I wonder if this man scares you too?

Maybe so, but at least it gets the concerns on record incase of future incidents.

It's really hard to know what to do as it depends what sort of person your Ex is. If he's a loving father who has had a good relationship with his son, then I'd behave differently than if its troubled. Just as adults aren't always reliable communicators neither are kids. If its otherwise a good relationship I'd calmly let your son explain the details and make clear detailed notes about it and then I'd go to the Dad and explain that clearly there is a lot of emotion and you think its better they skip the next 3 day stint to give some time for things to settle down - how he reacts will tell you a lot.

Agree, hopefully not and if he is lying he needs to know not to play you against each other.

Unfortunately I've worked with manipulative kids who seem like butter wouldn't melt.

Safety of the child is paramount, but don't be blinkered.

This. I had a similar situation years ago and the police turned up at my child's school and I also had a very uncomfortable interview with them.

Exactly what I thought.there are some f up humans out there

Doesn't matter whether DS was being difficult or naughty. If his dad manhandled him while shouting and swearing, he's out of control and will cause harm.

This 💯!

You need to report this to the police right away its unacceptable and not overkill at all

Indeed, this happened to my friend. Her son told school his dad hit him was referred to mash. It wasn't actually true. I think she will need to report it in case it is mentioned at school but the truth might look different to what's been said. Op does son often kick off? It's not an excuse to be man handling a child but this could have gotten out of hand, scaring a child is obviously not acceptable. If he's always been a decent dad with no history of violence hopefully it's just a case of losing his rag on one occasion and hopefully he feels awful about it. You need to get the bottom of the incident either way.

Report this to the police and social services.

He should not see his child unsupervised.

Your nonsense is not helping and suggesting the OP does nothing is actively allowing a child to be hurt.