Ex has just hurt DS aged 7

[moryn]

Ez has DS 3 nights and I have him 4.

Had just got in from work and received a phone call from ex’s phone but it was DS. He was distressed saying that his dad has hurt him.

He was ‘grabbing’ him with force and throw him onto the bed. He was also swearing at him multiple times and used the F word. DS said he was hurting him and felt very unsafe.

I could hear ex in the background saying that DS has kicked off as they were leaving a BBQ ‘as usual, as he does every week’.

I immediately went to pick him up. DS extremely distressed, saying he was/is scared. Is repeatedly asking me to lock all the doors and windows as he’s scared his dad will come back and hurt him. He says he doesn’t feel safe right now.

DS has been crying saying he never thought he’d have to go through something like this.

WTF do I do? Of course comforting him and lots of cuddles.

Police, now OP. Your son has been assaulted.

This is appalling.
It doesn’t need to turn into a multi page opus.
You've got good, informed advice.
Get off here and get on the phone

As an alternative do you think son is playing you? Could it be he was angry that he had to leave the bbq? I would have a private conversation with your ex husband & his parents & tell them what your son has accused him of, if you still feel unhappy then call the authorities but this could lead to real problems for your ex husband.

If someone grabbed me, an adult, with force and threw me on the bed i would call the police and inform them I have just been assaulted.

Thats what you need to do.

He stays with you permanently now, no days at the ex’s. He cannot be allowed to repeat this.

This
Your son needs tk be absolutely sure of his facts. Is he embellishing the story as he got angry and stroppy and he made his dad angry? And a telling off/taken by the arm to leave turned into a full on assault?

Or is he telling the truth? In which case absolutely it needs reporting.
But if it is, he will be interviewed, the story will be processed and child protection services will be involved. If this is true it will be worth it. Just make sure it is.

OP please ignore this
and do what everyone else has advised you to do
your son relies on you to protect him, so you have to do that
and you should praise him for telling you what happened
and justify his faith in you

You have to report this. My best friend almost had her kids removed from her care because she did not report assault on her son by his father and the child reported it to his teacher.
They were both under social services investigation. Both had to jump through hoops. The ex (kids dad) can only have supervised contact now. No overnights and only for a few hours. She was told if she continued to send them for contact they would be removed as she wasn’t safeguarding them.
It’s been months of parenting courses. Interviews with them. The children. Court dates. Case reports etc etc. you need to report it before this gets even more out of hand

this, with bells on!!
you need to report it. now

You phone your local social services children's department and talk to the duty social worker. They will guide you on the next steps, but your ex needs to know this isn't acceptable. Had he been drinking?

You said he grabbed him with force, threw him on the bed and swore at him.

Read that again.

And then call the police

Objectively, the visual that you have given of your boy, a young child, fearfully looking at the door scared that his dad might come back is just horrible. He sounds terrified ... it's unquestionably something that must be reported. Safeguard your boy .. and yourself, against what might happen should you fail to act.

Police. At least report it so custody has a better chance of being sorted. He's afraid of his father. That's all you need to know. The child does NOT go back next week.

Social services.

What’s the difference between pushing and throwing someone onto bed as he’s done to son?

He was violent with your son, police is not overkill.

You need them to know so they can document the words from your son directly.

Then you file for supervised contact (and only if your son is willing to see him)

You weren’t there, so can’t know exactly how the physical interaction played out. However, you do know what your son has told you, and that his dad was swearing at him and that your son was scared and called you while it was happening.

If your son discloses this at school in September, they will call the police and/or social services, who will ask you some very hard questions about why you haven’t done anything about it.

Get ahead of this and call the police, whilst being aware that if there’s no further evidence, no marks etc, they won’t do much beyond having some stern words. It might trash your relationship with ex, but at the very least he will be a lot more careful about how he speaks to and physically handles your child.

Any marks on him ? Call
rhe police asap

Be smart about this. This is not something you want to act in shock or anger about. Your son is safe at home with you now, so take a deep breath and try to calm everything down. It’s a horrible situation and it’s like a punch to the stomach, so give yourself a minute to think rather than react.

Are you both safe tonight? That is the number one priority.

Note down in bullet points everything that’s happened. It doesn’t have to be in order, it’s about getting things down when they’re fresh.

Ask your ex what happened, if you normally text, then text and see what he has to say. If it’s in text all the better because if he changes his story later it will be evident. Don’t rush in with accusations just say he’s very upset, can he please tell you what went on.

I don’t live in the UK so I’m not sure of exact procedures but, I would contact the non emergency police line and ask who you need to speak to. If it’s them, they’ll tell you. If it’s someone else like SS they’ll tell you and there will be a log of the call.

If you need advice or need to talk to someone first, I’ve always found women’s aid to be great at both listening and signposting in the right direction.

Take everything from there, but if you had a solicitor for your access arrangements, I’d find out where you stand re access going forward. I’m not for one second suggesting you send him back, I’m just saying make sure your solicitor is aware.

I was left with no marks when my ex decided to grab me by the throat and choke me, OP.

Violence can be insidious. There may not be any physical signs.

Anyway you should ring the police and in the meantime do not ask leading questions, reassure him he is safe, and wait for the duty social worker to guide you further.

If you’re making bullet points, it’s not a bad idea to send them as text messages to yourself, or to a friend as a way of showing that these are contemporaneous notes. Of course if something you’ve forgotten comes back, don’t be afraid to add more, and you may find it might (I imagine you’re in some degree of shock right now so it might be a bit jumbled coming out) but being able to show you noted something at the time can be useful if it’s needed. This post is a good example.

From your OP - He was ‘grabbing’ him with force and throw him onto the bed

Then you say "he didnt hit or push him"

Your 2 comments state the opposite of each other- grabbing and throwing are no different to "pushing"

Please be aware that if your ex turns this on you and claims that your child is lying and you put him up to it, you will also be at risk and fall under scrutiny, even though you have done nothing wrong.

Best wishes to you and your son x

Old bill now. Sorry your ds didn't want to go somewhere...a proper parent would deal with it by asking why, explaining why the ds has to go and managing the situation unless your son has history of extreme exaggeration...ring the bill

Poor kid,to be so petrified of his own father.bless him,for his own sake and yours please call the police.tell him he is safe now.