Ex has just hurt DS aged 7

[moryn]

Ez has DS 3 nights and I have him 4.

Had just got in from work and received a phone call from ex’s phone but it was DS. He was distressed saying that his dad has hurt him.

He was ‘grabbing’ him with force and throw him onto the bed. He was also swearing at him multiple times and used the F word. DS said he was hurting him and felt very unsafe.

I could hear ex in the background saying that DS has kicked off as they were leaving a BBQ ‘as usual, as he does every week’.

I immediately went to pick him up. DS extremely distressed, saying he was/is scared. Is repeatedly asking me to lock all the doors and windows as he’s scared his dad will come back and hurt him. He says he doesn’t feel safe right now.

DS has been crying saying he never thought he’d have to go through something like this.

WTF do I do? Of course comforting him and lots of cuddles.

So what you gonna do then?

If there’s a CAO involved, you need to be careful about breaching it?

I would contact social services, can you contact CAFCASS too or are they done after court?

@moryn

When your ex said he kicked off "as usual" , what is your experience of this, does DS usually react badly when events end? Did he do it when you and ex were together?
When you were together, how did your ex react to tantrums etc from him?
Was ex drinking?
How old was DS when you split?

I would agree that SS would be a better place to call than the police. Police could frighten DS into lying that nothing happened, especially as they would probably send uniformed officers. He wont want to "get dad into trouble".

Call the police.

I’d want to hear your ex’s version of events. Children can be manipulative even at 7.

Or social services.

Sorry, what?

The best thing to do (having been through similar some years ago)
Call your children's service duty line for advice, the call is logged
Don't attempt to 'investigate' with your ex, it's not for you to decide whether your son is telling the truth or not, you've collected because of what was happening so regardless if the circumstances are slightly different, something has happened. Leave the conversations/questions to those who know how to ask a child.
Log with the non emergency police number, then the two records tie together.
The duty children's services line may decide there's no further action to be taken, but you've still got it logged.

Call the police. Tell them exactly what ds said. It’s unlikely he said that ‘daddy grabbed me with force’ so tell them precisely. What an awful thing to happen. I’m so sorry.

You need to hear the other adult’s version of what happened. Children can play parents off against each other. You’ve obviously never worked with children.

I also don’t think the police will advise or get involved in whether DS should continue seeing dad. I’d report to social services but with caution, I know situations whereby SS have said don’t send and then CAFCASS has waded in saying that contact shouldn’t have been stopped.

To manage expectations, my friends ex did something similar to her DD. DD reported it to school, they spoke with both parents and did FA about it.

I agree…. You must trust he is telling the truth

It’s imperative that you tell the police. I speak from experience, you need to protect
tijr child AND show him you will do so. He needs to know you will keep him safe. Plus if he mentions it to someone else and authorities
find out you knew and didn’t report it, you could be considered an unfit parent.

Even if your shared DS did have some sort of kick off (that might or might not happen "every week") Ex's response is irrational to the point of being abusive.
No wonder your son is terrified.

Multiple suggestions for the police which make sense. I wondered if social services could do anything useful in safeguarding him legally.

Why haven't you called the police?! Even if your son did "kick off" he's a child your ex, I assume, is an adult and therefore should not physically hurt a child let alone his own son

I disagree with this. Speaking from experience the ex will just lie, they won’t admit they assaulted their child! She needs to inform authorities and let them do the investigating.

You can do a lot of things i would suggest calling social services getting their advice and possibly texting your ex and in laws asking for their side of the story by text not verbally in writing

If you don't report what DS told you to either the Police or SS in the next 24 hours you are not only failing your child but, if you have a custody agreement, making it harder to refuse to send your child back to his abuser.

The poor kid is so scared he's making you check you've locked the doors and you're questioning what to do?!

Come on, OP!

Report it so that you have a paper trail. Refuse unsupervised contact and discuss everything with ex via email so that there is a paper trail. Let him take you to court for unsupervised contact, where the paper trail will help protect your DC. As PPs have said, this may be reported to SS and they will want to see that you are safeguarding your DC.

WTF?!

The kid is so scared he's getting her to check the doors are locked but sure, let's doubt the words of a child who says they've been hurt by an angry adult 🙄

This must be reported. It is assault and tour child is terrified. Make sure you don’t ask leading questions or say anything to influence his memory of events. Take my advice - if you wait to report it then when the authorities eventually interview your son, they could claim his memories of the events are distorted either due to some time having past or because you’ve influenced his perception of events by talking about them and asking him questions for example. I speak from experience.

She should advocate for her child, report this and let the authorities do the investigating!

Exactly!

I sincerely hope you haven’t either, you don’t sound as though you’d safeguard a child. What a weird response. Kids can be a little devious but to this extent????? I don’t think so. FYI, I have worked with children and have two of my own with split parents who’ve played up from time to time but this is very serious.