Summer holiday DH resentment!

[Lillyofthevalleyblooms]

Anyone else absolutely resent their DH during the summer holidays? He just fucks off first thing in the morning. Waltzes back in at around 7:30pm might just mention that he’s off to a “meeting” or “choir practice” which then leads to a pint with his mates (this happens about 2/3 times a week) Meanwhile im a prisoner in my own home with 2 crazy kids trying to WFH 3 days a week with no ability to just leave my own home without kids screaming, fights needing sorting, clothes to change, socks to find etc etc. If I mentioned last minute to my DH that I “had a meeting” (committee meetings not work meetings) and did it about 3 times a week there would be uproar!! Literally hating my life and the situation im in right now, found myself resenting the kids yesterday! I packed them into the car at 9:00pm the other evening because we were home alone yet again just to go for a spin in the car so i could delay bedtime as much as possible . Filling our days with activities never goes well because they HATE leaving the house 🙈

If he doesn’t get paid where does his beer money come from?
This, if he is not paid how does he afford to pay for anything for himself. Does his parents still give him pocket money!

Op your life would be better being single. One less person to cook, clean, wash and pay for and a break from your kids when they visit their dad and grandparents. You're paying for everything already, you'd save money not paying for his food, drink, utilities etc.

OP, can you get legal advice.
You are being financially abused by him and his family.
You need to get legal advice on how best to handle this.
Perhaps post on the Legal forum.
His silent treatment is abuse.
You need to focus on getting good advice.
You are being used.

Let him fucking starve then. He’s not a helpless child. If he doesn’t eat it’s his own choice.

i was reasonably fed up with my husband today until I saw this, now he’s looking like the ideal partner.

What is your living situation? Is it related to his job? IE do you get cheap rent on a property on the farm from his folks but you pay the bills? Or do you pay all the bills including rent / mortgage? If the latter then kick his sorry arse out.

Takes it from the Farms card. I never see it.

OP you have all the power in this situation. Suggest/tell him to move back with his parents and enjoy your life going forward. You’re already paying for everything so what do you have to lose?

I recall starting my Masters degree in my 40s and saying to DH that he was going to have to learn how to use an iron. Ffs we know it is not hard. He said everyone would think badly of me when they saw him in unironed clothes. Errrm no they didn’t. At nearly 70 I still don’t iron for anyone other than me.

So OP stop having anything to do with his laundry. Be brave.

I don’t know why but it helped me to learn a bit of history. Apparently when type writers were first invented they were used by men because women were felt to be incapable of using something so technically challenging. This soon changed. I suppose men realized that copy typing is quite tedious. Skillful when you practice, but not exciting. I just feel that is how men are with housework.

Entirely off topic. Sorry @Lillyofthevalleyblooms you have a lot more to deal with than just ironing. I was trying to illustrate that you can change your home routines. Do not allow your DH to take advantage of you.

If you were my daughter I would actually be furious with you for being such a “good wife”.

Get rid! You have absolutely nothing to lose. He contributed NOTHING to your life. At all. Besides more work.

What's your housing situation?

Could you stay in the house and send him home to mummy? I assume its a farm cottage that the in laws own you are in. I'm not sure how you'd get CM out of him if he's not earning (on paper).

Is he at least in Partnership?

A lot of posters on this thread won't understand that this is normal in farming relationships and OP will get very little sympathy or support from wider friends or family if she complains, tries to change the dynamic or leaves.

She will get comments like 'you knew what you were marrying in to' and 'that's the way farming is'. No matter how hard she works, how much she earns and how much she does in house she will be told she should be doing more because he works hard and shouldnt have to worry about the house and he will still be considered the primary breadwinner.

You haven't written why you aren't divorcing him. It doesn't make sense.
He's leeching your money (you paying bills) and your labour, and you're allowing it?
@Scrowy he is winning zero bread.

Send him home to his mother’s because he is bringing nothing to your life.

So he's presumably unwilling even to learn to do things as you've not taught him (that his parents didn't is equally appalling). Or are you complicit in doing all the housework?

That he can't, well tough, he's going to need to do if you're not there. I've never met a man that's totally handless. It's a life choice on his part.

Sorry this was really in reply to @WinterSunglasses

Get him a cookbook. Everyone is capable of cooking an easy meal.

he will still be considered the primary breadwinner.
He is not the primary breadwinner as he doesn't have a wage coming in at all he doesn't get paid.

I still don't understand WFT the OP married him.

Why does he need shirts ironed to do farm work and / go to the pub?

He's taking drawings from the farm business account as and when he wants by the sounds of things rather than taking a set wage. Very normal in a farm business partnership.

I'm not defending him, just explaining why the OP has found herself in the position she is in.