Summer holiday DH resentment!

[Lillyofthevalleyblooms]

Anyone else absolutely resent their DH during the summer holidays? He just fucks off first thing in the morning. Waltzes back in at around 7:30pm might just mention that he’s off to a “meeting” or “choir practice” which then leads to a pint with his mates (this happens about 2/3 times a week) Meanwhile im a prisoner in my own home with 2 crazy kids trying to WFH 3 days a week with no ability to just leave my own home without kids screaming, fights needing sorting, clothes to change, socks to find etc etc. If I mentioned last minute to my DH that I “had a meeting” (committee meetings not work meetings) and did it about 3 times a week there would be uproar!! Literally hating my life and the situation im in right now, found myself resenting the kids yesterday! I packed them into the car at 9:00pm the other evening because we were home alone yet again just to go for a spin in the car so i could delay bedtime as much as possible . Filling our days with activities never goes well because they HATE leaving the house 🙈

I am of Indian heritage. Indian men often do nothing. But I married an Indian man who can cook, clean and look after kids. And I brought up my son the same way.

You should have started as you meant to go on when you married. Why have you waited so long.

What would happen if you just didn't do it washing/ironing his shirts etc)?

i mean i could record what happens when i tell him im going out. I started a part time job at a restaurant doing evening shifts once, my eldest (8 at the time) made super. I quit.

Edited because it took so long to load/post that it was all irrelevant by the time it appeared!

I suppose you are caught in the “farm boy trap”? He works for his parents in the expectation of inheriting but he owns nothing? So if you split you get nothing? No house to sell? No pension to split?

He's not going to change so you need to. It sounds like you don't like him let alone love him. What's keeping you there? And are you willing to pay the cost of leaving? There's no easy option but only one has any light at the end of the tunnel

He wouldn’t go, hed give me the silent treatment, ring his mates to say he wasnt coming because i was stopping him and in a mood about it

How are you WFH three days a week with two children there?

Yup

But your kids are school age now so why are you still waiting? He clearly doesn't respect you so you need to respect yourself.

No hes a farmer…

I hope you did none of that! Why on earth are you choosing his clothes is he 3?!!! And if he can’t get home at a reasonable time for his supper and you’re doing kids bedtime then he needs to sort his own food or reheat whatever you all had!!
He will continue to keep treating you like this because you are pandering to him! He needs to grow the fuck up!!

Because it took an extra 2 kids to break me

Let him “be in a mood.” Who cares? Tell him to have his mother wash his clothes. Look for a full time job and put the children in summer camp.

Or count this summer as the last that you will tolerate this. Grit your teeth and bear it. Look for full time work. Plot your escape.

Oh god you post about him too often over the years and his parents. Leave!!!

Believe me my son is being taught right much to the disgust of my mother in law. “What do you mean you make them put tgeir plates in the sink?!” “What do you mean they have to put their clothes in the washing machine” “what do you mean they help you make their lunch boxes?” “ what do you mean he can naked a cup of tea??!” These are all things shes actually said

Seriously
Tell him to iron his own shirt as a start to getting equality into your relationship

His mother is irrelevant, we are only as trapped as we want to be. Do nothing for the man, enjoy the quiet, start the divorce and seek employment. (Edited to say work full time)
You're in control of your future.

OP doesnt need to be berated.

About time you started teaching him then.

Meanwhile im a prisoner in my own home with 2 crazy kids trying to WFH 3 days a week

I can't say how BU you are not to have childcare or clubs when you are working.

He just fucks off first thing in the morning.
to the pub? Go before him and spend the day working in a place where you can actually work.

to his work place? Sounds reasonable, why shouldn't he work?

No he is not capable.
No-one is stopping him from learning. How did the rest of us manage? Pretty sure being born with a vagina didn't bring us specific housemaid powers,

You have choices. Continue to be miserable or leave him. Don’t kid yourself that your children aren’t aware of the bitter resentment seeping out of you and what a terrible marriage it is.

Of course he's f'cking capable!
If he says he can't do it, just laugh.
It will obviously bring things to a head, but just get rid, tell him to fck off back to his mum.
You can lead a better life - you don't have to accept this for ever. Good luck 💐

You need to research UC and help you will get when you live alone and only have your salary to see how to make it work.