AIBU for struggling to understand why my neighbour does not leave?

[Howyoudoings]

I know I will probably get ridiculed for this but I would like someone to explain. I will start by saying I am autistic so I see things differently and probably more straightforwardly than others. My neighbour is in an abusive relationship. He is horrible to her. From the moment they woke up this morning at 7 o'clock he already said he hates her and called her a see you next Tuesday. She works from home and she is not allowed to have friends. She goes nowhere apart from dropping her kid off at school and coming back. Yet he constantly claims she is cheating. She rents the house, it is in her name, and she pays all the bills. He is controlling, demanding, and constantly argues. She cries in the garden saying she hates him, and the kid says he hates his dad. She tells the child that is why she stays away from him, meaning she spends as much time in the garden as she can. Now this is what I do not get. Why not leave? I have spoken to her and all she ever says is that it is not that easy. But why isn’t ?
I feel sorry for the kid because they are the only one in a situation they truly cannot leave. I think as a mother your child is the most important thing. so I never understand why you would let your child grow up in a household like that. If you can’t leave for yourself leave for your child .

Your judgemental reasoning of their mum is not helping the child. Do you not see that?

Of course I can empathise and with both the kids and the mother.

It’s the OP who is claiming “But…but I don’t understaaaaand” 🙄

Of course they are both victims but please tell us how you think she could go about leaving the relationship then. I would be very interested to know what you think she can possibly do.

I'm not saying everyone should stay, I'm saying that your assertion that leaving= safety is false and simplistic.
I don't understand what the point of your thread is, you're not prepared to listen to anyones perspective, you just seem to be sticking the boot in to victims of abusive relationships.

I will not comment anymore , should I tell you wants ridiculous. How many ppl try and jump on me but not the actual abuser.
we can all make up reasons for not doing the right thing .
I have done everything in my power to try and protect this innocent child . Police , SS etc etc .
yes I’m angry and frustrated. when your hands are tied.
when the mother continues to lie and defend the abuser over her own child .
two thing can be right she can be the victim and issue
And it’s strange when stories sadly reach the news of a child dying with multiple fractures, then everyone starts screaming why did the mother allow it to happen
but don’t want to do anything to stop it before it goes that far
The child should be the moms main concern over her own.
So yes leave for your children if you can’t do if for yourself
it doesn’t have to be easy to be right

Evidence re the dangers of leaving abusive relationships;

"The risk of serious assault and death is highest for a woman after she leaves an abusive relationship. According to the Femicide Census, 38% of women killed by their ex-partner from 2009 to 2018 were killed within the first month of separation and 89% in the first year.
(Femicide Census, 2020)
https://www.ncdv.org.uk/domestic-abuse-statistics-uk/

As I said, the end goal - of being completely separated and the abuse to have ended - is of course the safest. It isn't guaranteed. It's also very rare for the ex to have no unsupervised contact awarded with the child.

Thing is you need to get to a place of strength. And then, even when things are “good” again, the final decision is very difficult due all of the variables mentioned here. Both women I know who separated in similar situations, only left when it escalated to an incident involving the police. Both intelligent, successful women. It’s just not black & white. But I can totally see your POV, OP. My family will be glad when I get divorced but it’s taken time to get here… But, staying is more dangerous. You’re not wrong.