To think this shows poor follow-through before a first date?

[ThisOliveTurtle]

I met a man through a mutual friend at her event. We got on well and later started messaging.

Last weekend he asked when I’d next be in London. I told him I’d be in London this Saturday (tomorrow) late afternoon because I already had appointments there. He then suggested three different areas and asked which I’d prefer. He said if I had no preference he could figure something out. I replied that I was happy with any of them and would leave it to him to decide. He then replied saying he’d “work something out.”

Since then, I haven’t contacted him again because he’d said he’d organise it.
It’s now late Friday evening and I still haven’t heard anything. As things stand, we have no confirmed time or place for tomorrow.

AIBU to think this is poor follow-through? I don’t think someone has to organise everything days in advance, but if you say you’ll work something out, I’d expect to hear back before the day you’re meant to meet.

Instantly?! He’s not calling her at 11pm for a booty call - they agreed a week ago to meet this evening. He’s been left to sort the details himself with no useful input from OP. He’s contacted her the morning of, not later in the day so he’s clearly interested enough to be thinking about it, not leaving it until the last minute.

Some of you haven’t dated recently and it shows! It’s pretty slim pickings out there so getting to the point of arranging a date with a man who hasn’t already ruled himself out by
a) being illiterate
b) sending a photo of his knob, or lewd messages asking OP what she’s wearing or offering to join her in the shower
c) texted for months with no sign of meeting in real life
d) ghosted her and come back 6 months later as if nothing happened
e) arranged a date then disappeared with no trace on the day of

is a miracle in itself!

This is no small feat in the modern dating world! It seems a low bar but honestly 95% of dating interactions would have fallen by this final hurdle. The next 4% will fail on the date itself when he wangs on about his ex or hasn’t got all his teeth or is 10years older and 10cm shorter than he said he was.

You were both vague. A time was agreed (sort of - this Saturday, late afternoon) but not a place. You opted out of choosing location, which is fine since he offered to "figure something out", but it put things into his hands and he didn;t show a lot of urgency but did eventually follow through.

Do you WANT to met him? If so, I'd message back that you're still coming to London and you'll be done with your errands at x time, can he text you the venue/address to meet? Then go and see if things go smoothly. If not, text him back that you're no longer available. If you're not sure if you want to meet him then figure out (1) if you'd have fun meeting up with him even if things go nowhere after that and (2) if things do progress, will you either be able to deal with his continuing to be laid back, last-minute, and vague OR happy taking more charge yourself?

agree. He prob thought she wasn't really interested.

If you are genuine, just pick one of the options he gave and meet him there. If you want to. If you don't, tell him you can no longer meet him and don't meet him.

This doesn't seem like it has to be a big drama. He's behaved pretty normally?

Why do people keep responding to this shit?

So you haven't made other plans, you've left it until now? If someone didnt get back to me, I would have other plans by now.
Sounds like your cutting off your nose to spike your face.

Hahaha no wonder the dating scene is awful this is ridiculous behaviour and anyone behaving like this should stay single

I am not the same person, and I genuinely do not know who or what posts you’re referring to. I’m not sure what your problem is but I think you need to get a life. It’s concerning that you’re so hostile and accusing me of things I haven’t done.

This, exactly. I also can't imagine having no opinion at all about three different London areas. When you suggest a London area you're suggesting a vibe, not just a location. Mayfair? Fancy schmancy, dress up and splash the cash. Hampstead? Casual scenic summer evening walk on the heath after dinner, end up in a pub. Peckham? Hipster small plates restaurant then maybe a very cool club.

He messaged you in the morning, to make plans for the same evening. You are being unreasonable

I agree.

^^ 100% - completely the OPs fault here - sounds like the guy dodged one here

To update, I met him yesterday and we had a lovely date. He’s contacted me today to arrange a second date, so we’ll see how it goes.

Interesting tell...'spite your face'

Well, whatever it is, it's a clear sign that he's not that interested. I'd just leave it and make other plans.

Hes probably putting some effort into you as a possible ' back - up' plan encase his main chick blows him out......Now: that other chick has agreed to a Date..... unfortunately for You . Next time: NEVER agree to A DATE less than THREE DAYS in advance ,esp. With this dude as hes violated your goodwill. ..Thank me later for my advice.

sorry I posted without seeing your update! Glad you had a good time!

Dont be so dumb. She could easily have made other plans as she didnt hear from him. Do you expect her to meekly stick to her phone all day waiting for a man to call her and cancel all her plans so a whole day wasted.
Id expect to hear at the very minimum the day before.

Great op that's wonderful news 😍

Great update.

Hope all goes well.

I made it clear I don’t ‘expect’ her to ‘meekly’ do anything. It’s very simple to point out that not everyone is bothered by this sort of thing and therefore it makes two people incompatible to date.

If you also wouldn’t like it – great, just don’t date someone who doesn’t feel the same about how plans are made. Simple as that.

Go and take a walk outside before getting so riled up that you call people ‘dumb’ for innocuous forum comments.

Hope it all works out for you. Its hard to find a decent fella these days. X

No I agree with you, this is poor. he should have confirmed specific plans sooner. The fact he messages you on the day of the date to reconfirm if you are still free makes it clear that in his head plans weren’t confirmed either. Bin him.

I really don’t see what the problem is. He made some suggestions, you (for some reason) dithered and batted them back to him instead of just picking one, and he said he’d get back to you. He then got back to you, before you were due to meet. Why is this an issue? You’d already agreed to meet and you told him you didn’t mind where, so it’s not like you’d given him the impression you needed to plan stuff in advance. If you wanted everything confirmed days ago, all you needed to do was just choose one of the options he gave you.

You were the one who didn’t want to commit to making one simple decision after he’d already done all the initial running.