AIBU to serve afternoon tea rather than a full dinner?

[Afternoonteafor100]

Me and my two sisters want to throw our DM a surprise 70th birthday party. Nothing massive just a little party with family and friends to celebrate her big milestone birthday. She’s spent a lifetime caring for her younger sisters, escaping near death in Uganda, looking after and raising 3 daughters and now one little granddaughter and she’s never been the centre of attention. So we decided that for a couple of hours for one day it should be about her and celebrate her life.
well we decided on an afternoon tea theme with sandwiches tea and cakes , something light for a daytime birthday party and it’s cuaeee uproar with the aunties who think we should be serving full on dinner dishes!! Well we think that’s ridiculous but they are insisting that an afternoon tea light snack type of party won’t go down well with some of the other family members but how can I politely say I do not give a feck!! It’s about people coming to celebrate our mum not the free food!! It’s quite annoyed me

I am a similar age to your mum.
I would much prefer afternoon tea to a full meal
Ignore the aunties who don't seem to be contributing anything other than complaints

Is it possible that that's just your family?

No, I’m extremely confident that it isn’t. This has been supported by other comments on this thread.

There are literally skits and memes about this sort of thing. To the extent that I’m now wondering if the OP was a joke.

Well some cultures are incredibly rigid and closed minded about food. Because the UK tends to have an international food culture and has always taken bits of this and bits of that from different cuisines, we find it hard to understand that other cultures find this hard.

Even within countries, north Italians for example would be horrified at some of the mixtures that southern Italy or Sicily/Sardinia put together.

Oh, there are skits and memes! In that case it must be true of every single family from 'far flung' places and I humbly beg your pardon

🙄

I didn’t say it was true for ‘every family’. However, yes, the fact that it is commonplace enough to be the subject of multiple skits and memes would indicate that it’s not just my family - which is what you asked.

Also, as previously stated this has been supported by other comments on this thread.

Not sure what you’re getting weird and sarky about.

Afternoon tea is so much better than a dinner. It’s fun and celebratory and easier to prep

Well, you said if it was 'African aunties', you 'know it would be spectacular!'
You just know, regardless of whose family it was.

Yup. And, based on everything I’ve said above, I reckon it would be.

This makes you sarky and eye rolling, why? You appear to be offended by something or on someone’s behalf, but I’m genuinely unclear as to what or whom.

If you served up an English traditional afternoon tea for a Spanish grandma's celebratory meal, the family would be simply baffled

Obviously its slightly different if the Spanish grandma lives here.

Put the situation into a ME, Asian or African culture/family and I think for some families it would almost be considered offensive rather than 'oh I like trying different food, this is nice'.

OP doesnt say if her culture is Ugandan, Kenyan, other African or UK.

There’s afternoon tea, and there’s afternoon tea. And like you my comments are based on life experience (including the region the birthday lady is from).

I’ve 50 years experience of living in the Arab and East African world and will have to disagree with you regarding people being offended.

You can. But you seem to be implying it’s not a proper celebration without a massive feed-up.

After a long discussion with my sisters and reading some of the comments on this thread we’ve decided to have a party at home and only invite immediate family and DM close friends. On hind sight she doesn’t go out of her way to speak to extended family so she won’t care whether they are there or not.
we’ve decided to stick a marquee in the garden bake off style with mostly afternoon tea type food but a couple of hot dishes too.

Yeah shes SE Asian and fled Uganda under idi amin.
she’s been in the UK since she was about 14 years old and she loves, loves her afternoon teas. All of her friends are English so I know they won’t mind. And aunties appeared to not mind the idea themselves but cared more about what others would say - some of the more ‘traditional’ members of the family

I hope she has a wonderful day!

Caring about what other people say/think is something I always thought people grew out of (I have!).
I don't know how people with responsibilities/jobs/worries/lives find the time and headspace to care about shit like this.

That sounds perfect, I hope she has a lovely time! 🙂

Sounds lovely to me. You can make it a bit of a fusion affair with (I’m presuming based on Uganda and aunties) with Indian style pastries in addition to sandwiches (it’s common to have pastries and … really wanted proper (not supermarket) samosas now😁). Perhaps family favourites on the sweet front too.

Yeah they are Asian but my husband and all of her friends are white. My mum, however, would much prefer tea and cakes and pastries and even a pasta salad over a biryani and saag aloo! Those dishes are mainstream to her whereas tea and cakes etc are seen as more special

I think an afternoon tea is a splendid idea ,posh little sandwiches ,cakes and maybe scones I am surprised at the negative comments. I really hope you all enjoy the occasion.