AIBU to serve afternoon tea rather than a full dinner?

[Afternoonteafor100]

Me and my two sisters want to throw our DM a surprise 70th birthday party. Nothing massive just a little party with family and friends to celebrate her big milestone birthday. She’s spent a lifetime caring for her younger sisters, escaping near death in Uganda, looking after and raising 3 daughters and now one little granddaughter and she’s never been the centre of attention. So we decided that for a couple of hours for one day it should be about her and celebrate her life.
well we decided on an afternoon tea theme with sandwiches tea and cakes , something light for a daytime birthday party and it’s cuaeee uproar with the aunties who think we should be serving full on dinner dishes!! Well we think that’s ridiculous but they are insisting that an afternoon tea light snack type of party won’t go down well with some of the other family members but how can I politely say I do not give a feck!! It’s about people coming to celebrate our mum not the free food!! It’s quite annoyed me

What matters is what she will like. If you want to do a kind of high tea (allowing for more substantial buts, and possibly more adaptable for allergies/religious/ethical needs if that's relevant), then that is an option.

What would your mum like ? That’s the most important thing. If she’d enjoy an afternoon tea go for it.
I think it sounds lovely

@Afternoonteafor100 what does your mum want and will she enjoy the adternoon tea if she gets wind of the aunties snarking. Sometimes I think you have to go with the flow. I'd do the hot rice dishes for the big gathering and a nice tea for yiur mum and her very nearest and dearest.

I think the afternoon tea has been supported on the thread because it's a very English/UK thing but not might not be such a big thing in your mum's, especially among everyone of your mum's age.

Tell them they are welcome to arrange another party for her, catered how they want.

My SIL did an afternoon tea party for MIL for her 80th birthday. She loved it and loved having the extended family there to celebrate with her.

If this is what your mum would like then ignore the whinging aunties. This is about your mum, not them.

If people will be travelling, especially over mealtimes, then you need to give them something more substantial than afternoon tea.

You also need to consider that if anyone is diabetic then afternoon tea will be difficult for them.

I would bulk out the savoury part with quiches, cheese pastries and the like.

i disagree that it’s only what your mum wants that matters. If you needs guests to make the occasion then they matter too.

It sounds lovely, but personally I’d go all out for her and yes do full on celebration dinner, a light afternoon tea as lovely as it is, is not the same.

what would you mum prefer
i did an afternoon tea for mine but did think she would have preferred a pub lunch!

Really depends on what your mum would enjoy. I love an afternoon tea. We did one for my dad's 80th as he was a huge lover of all things cake. He was thrilled and we had a lovely relaxed family afternoon.

You carry on with your lovely plans, just make sure the invitation is clear that it's an afternoon tea to celebrate your mum's birthday. I'd balance out the sweet and savoury options though, as not everyone. as a sweet tooth for too much cake. I don't know if you know if anyone has dietary requirements - for example a gluten free afternoon tea platter dies require some advance thought .

There's nothing to stop the aunties from doing a separate celebratory dinner event if they wish.

We did afternoon tea for my mum's 70th. Her birthday is in July and the weather was great so we could set it up in the garden.
There are quite a lot of us so we all took responsibility for one item; in practice we all kept having more 'bright ideas' so we ended up with afternoon tea for the five thousand 😂. Between us we already had several layered cake/sandwich stands and we borrowed more from friends.
It was a brilliant afternoon!

Do the afternoon tea, its your idea and tribute to your mum, it will be lovely.
Tell the aunties they are welcome to plan and do their own full dinner for your mum another day. That way there'll be two lovely occasions, win-win!

Depends how much she can physically eat in one sitting, though, surely? A full-on dinner can feel overwhelming to someone with a small appetite or if they’re a slow eater.

Just tell them it’s afternoon tea not dinner, if they want to arrange a dinner for the family then they can but you are doing afternoon tea.

The main thing is that you think your mum will like it, who cares about everyone else. Maybe they normally bully her into doing what they prefer and you’re getting a taste of it now they can’t talk to her about it, in which case it might be a nice reprieve for her as part of the surprise!

One word of warning: as it gets closer to a big birthday, it can be harder on the recipient of a surprise birthday as they start to get the impression everyone has forgotten or is not bothered about their birthday. I would recommend having another little something she knows about or heavily hinting there’s a plan to avoid this. For example you could tell her the time she needs to keep free and what she should wear, making it obvious it is birthday related.

Afternoon tea at a fancy hotel can be really special.

Afternoon tea done at home for a party is a bit kids party vibes unless you really make an effort.

Afternoon tea all the way! I did the same for my mum & dad’s 50th wedding anniversary earlier this year at a hotel. I didn’t ask for input I knew they’d like it especially mum as she loves an afternoon tea! Just sent invites out your invited to afternoon tea on x date! If anyone had moaned they’d have had 2 choices come or don’t!

Agree with this! I did have to let them know we had plans so they saved the date and then mum was getting a bit anxious about not knowing so I told her it was afternoon tea with me, DH and my brother and his partner and son whereas actually there was 25 of us so they still had a surprise especially as some family had come a long way and mum would never have expected that.

If they were thinking about your mum, they would suggest every family brings a dish.

So it is a free spread they’re after.

I would ask them are you offering to pay for it.

Not at all, it’s the same at home, some lovely cakes and sandwiches and tea/coffee.

We had an afternoon tea for our wedding. Everyone moaned about it beforehand but it was amazing & they were all full afterwards and jabbering about great it was. Go for it.

I assumed SE Asian who had to flee uganda under Idi Amin with mentions of auntie who disapproved of sandwiches and cake being a full on meal

do whatever your mum would enjoy and be clear that's the deal

You mentioned Uganda - is that just a country that your mum worked in or is she of that heritage?

If the latter, I don't think sandwiches and a bit of cake will pass muster!

Yes exactly, if you get really lovely sandwiches, savouries and cakes and scones. If you make do with ham and cheese sarnies, some Tesco sausage rolls and a few Mr Kiplings that’s kind of missing the mark.

Why not do a High Tea? That's afternoon tea with some more substantial cooked food. You could tell guests that you and your sisters are providing the cakes, sandwiches, scones, jam and cream, tea and bubbly, candles and flowers and decor, but if others want to bring hot savoury dishes for the table, they are welcome.