AIBU to serve afternoon tea rather than a full dinner?

[Afternoonteafor100]

Me and my two sisters want to throw our DM a surprise 70th birthday party. Nothing massive just a little party with family and friends to celebrate her big milestone birthday. She’s spent a lifetime caring for her younger sisters, escaping near death in Uganda, looking after and raising 3 daughters and now one little granddaughter and she’s never been the centre of attention. So we decided that for a couple of hours for one day it should be about her and celebrate her life.
well we decided on an afternoon tea theme with sandwiches tea and cakes , something light for a daytime birthday party and it’s cuaeee uproar with the aunties who think we should be serving full on dinner dishes!! Well we think that’s ridiculous but they are insisting that an afternoon tea light snack type of party won’t go down well with some of the other family members but how can I politely say I do not give a feck!! It’s about people coming to celebrate our mum not the free food!! It’s quite annoyed me

YANBU for your generation, but you know the aunties will expect pilau, it's just different generational expectations.

What would your mum prefer?

We often have afternoon tea for my mum's birthday. It's in the summer, it's nice to spend the afternoon in the garden having cake and sandwiches.
I presume you know your mum would like this. In which case, fuck em. Be breezy and say, 'Oh well, that's the plan!' and change the subject.

just say what you’ve said here (diplomatically!)

“I’m sorry that others won’t be happy but this is about mum, her milestone birthday and what she likes. So afternoon tea will be served at X o clock - are you coming?”

Are they asian op?

Ooh, I have Royal Albert "breath of spring" design and my teapot is just like that.

Is your family Ugandan? If so, and you’re proposing to serve afternoon tea to a bunch of African aunties, please film it. I genuinely cannot imagine how that would go down, but I know it would be spectacular! 😂

How rude of them. Its for the mum not them.

What time will you be serving it & will it be enough with what she will have already eaten?

I assume you know your mum & that she would like it?

YANBU.

With that said, i assume your family are not white British, in which case you should know how these 'Aunties' are and how food centred parties are in certain cultures (yes, people will turn up to some of these parties for the food).

You can choose to ignore, tell them you don't care and do as you wish.
But, you could also include some traditional snacks from your Mum's cultural background (samosas, for example, if say Ugandan Asian)

Agree - you are not busting a gut to make or host dinner. Afternoon tea is delightful and all of us are coming if Ugandan/Indian treats are on the menu x

I dunno really. I think the op waxes lyrical about celebrating her mother, then states a two hour light afternoon tea. With light bites.

people are going all out with a big fancy tea , which can be lovely. But im not sure that’s what’s planned, I think it’s likely cake and sarnies for hours. And just maybe the aunties have a point.

i suspect if she was going all out as people are suggesting she’d have said so in her op, not said light bites and two hours.

I dunno really. I think the op waxes lyrical about celebrating her mother, then states a two hour light afternoon tea. With light bites.

I was wondering if the "couple" of hours meant a few rather than literally two.

But surely getting together with loved ones should mean the interactions are front and centre, not the food?

She is making an effort. That’s the whole point.

Afternoon tea will be a great and happy occasion, and much less tiring than a formal dinner. And tbh a tea that you do at home will be more fun and relaxing with better food than at a hotel.

Of course but it’s not one or the other, you can also do both.

That sounds great! Afternoon tea is often really filling too, and feels special for your mum’s birthday compared to a regular buffet or similar if you go fancy, nice plates, homemade cakes etc.

Genuine question: is it a given that if they're Ugandan they think there MUST be massive dishes of 'proper dinner' at any get-together?
I tend to think that maybe 'even' people of Ugandan heritage can cope with different sorts of meals.

Its a shame OP hasnt answered some of this but Im wondering the same reading these responses that assume that people of other cultures dont eat outside of their norm

Having said that, I do find other cultures extremely fixed about what constitutes appropirate/good enough food, give an Italian or Spanish person a roast dinner, a Cullen Skink, a steak and kidney suet pudding and they'll probably think its shit no matter how special and fantastic these meals are.

I’d go for the afternoon tea but would make it more substantial than a traditional British afternoon tea. It’s what I do for my East African and Arab family. They much prefer it to being out of their homes in the evening and truth be told I prefer it on my birthday as well even though I’m younger than them at 68.

eta we’d start about 4pm and finish about 6.30.

Never underestimate the amount of afternoon teas going on in far flung corners of the world. It really is a thing.

I well imagine that this tea will be done very well.

Will she feel like she should eat a meal afterwards and does she always serve full meals when she hosts? Will she feel like as the main guest that she has somehow not treated her guests properly if they have not 'been fed'.. I know my Mum might...

You could do some savoury cheese scones & a decent cheese board with chutneys etc & maybe some sort of quiche. However I think it will be more relaxing for everyone to have something like that than a full meal. People can drink & mingle far better. Just do what you & sisters prefer. The others aren’t being forced to attend.

Aunties’ expectations need not be a concern, surely. A really Fortnum & Mason style tea would be fabulous, and in any case, the gathering isn’t in the spirit of feeding a hungry family, but of celebrating one among them. Sustenance per se is not the priority.
OP has the right to disregard the aunties’ vote, and focus on the gift of the proposed gorgeous tea. It certainly could be amplified with savoury items, such as small tomato galettes (dead simple: bought puff pastry and tomatoes, mostly), or tinned salmon in Hovis sarnies, that kind of thing.

My comment is based on my family and my personal knowledge of growing up in a ‘far flung corner of the world’. If anyone served afternoon tea at one of my family gatherings, there’d be carnage.

For us, it most certainly is not a thing.