To be upset DGP's are taking DC on holiday?

[madderthanapissedonchicken]

Posting for others opinions on this as I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

my DP’s are having my 2 DC for the weekend next month, while myself and DP are away.

I was told today that they have booked to take them away for the weekend.

I’m in 2 minds, as obviously this is nice of them to do it & DC will enjoy it BUT I also would have preferred to have been asked and not told.

a while ago DP’s wanted to take DS away, and I was worried about it him being away, wasn’t going to say yes, then spoke to DP’s and agreed. So I’m not sure why they wouldn’t ask this time? Or if they thought because they are babysitting anyway that it didn’t matter where?

would this upset you or would you be ok with it?

If op was that worried she wouldn't be leaving them but then she wouldn't get a holiday 😂 she can pay for a sitter if she wants to moan about imaginary problems

I guess I would expect them to ask if it was ok to give the kids a little holiday while you were away.

However, I think there's context to consider as OP and DP are holidaying without their kids during the summer hols period. Sounds like more than a weekend as well.

This will be ops last holiday as I imagine the grandparents will never say yes again ❤️

I'm Granny to a 5 yr old and 18m old ..I look after them a couple of days a week, see them almost every day... and I would still ask permission!
(And I'm fit, active, ride bikes with the 5 yr old, swim, soft play etc|) I would never presume it's ok . On my days I will just mention of we are going to the Wildlife Park, or a bit further afield than normal, but if I wanted to go away overnight I would most definitely check it was ok!

Also so that we had anything we needed that I hadn't thought of (tho I usually am well prepped) They aren't MY children to do as I please, no matter how much I love them !

Several of course moments here.

Of course your parents had no right of any kind to book any holiday without asking you first. It's not relevant that they were babysitting that weekend. Not at all.

Of course anyone having a 4 & 6 year old at a known home is entirely and completely different to them travelling and holidaying with them, and even more so when you're 65.

Of course they didn't ask you because they knew you would say no.

Of course it's up to you - and not them - to decide when your children go on holiday with anyone other than you.

And of course they will either cancel the trip they have arbitrarily decided is ok for your children (if that is your choice) or you now won't be going on holiday.

If they refuse or baulk you will, of course, stay home and look after your children so they don't think they can just do whatever they want whenever they want with your children going forward.

And then you will decide when it's ok for your children to travel with them, not your parents. Of course.

I would only allow any children to go to people i trust so if I trust theit grandparents I trust their grandparents they raised us perfectly ok thry need need permission to me

I think they have been very sneaky and should have asked you. We often have our grandchildren to stay but I really would think twice about taking them away. I would certainly talk in through with my children first. There are all sorts of things to think about: driving the children there, Safety in water, what happens if the children are ill etc. Really the GPs are better with the children in a home and place they know.
Just out of interest OP, is it only you who is having a break this summer or are you taking the kids away in the summer too?

Why don’t you just remind them of the things you are worried about, like water safety. If they wear arm bands, make sure they wear them in pool always, in the sea not further out than, say, bum height and always between flags and always with an adult. That kind of thing?

water safety is a big thing for most parents. I would rather look like an over anxious parent than risk GPs not quite knowing where the kids are at, water-wise.

educate the kids too - don’t go above your bum in the sea and always between the flags. They are old enough to remember this if you teach them (and show them beach flag pics etc).

The 4 of us are away in the summer holidays & DP & I away for the weekend after the children are back at school. (It’s a trip booked as a surprise for my birthday)

Thanks for this. My immediate thought was to cancel our trip & stay home.
I’m sure they will tell me I’m overreacting.

So many women on here think our lives should
be put on hold when they need childcare. Someone said ‘pottering around the garden.’ would be less risky like we’re all bloody ancient and don’t deserve to continue our lives with our grandchildren around. It’s so much easier to look after children outside when they can let off steam, have external stimuli and if you can afford to eat out and have no mess at home even better. There are literally memes at the moment (with it being the long school holidays) along the lines of ‘a day out with the kids will cost you £100 but a day at home will cost you your sanity.’ And all the parents are in agreement and bonding over it. But expect their parents who are 20+ plus older to do what they are struggling with! Arrgghhh it’s driving me mad the double standards.

They brought you up.
Did they make a habit of forgetting and leaving you on the beach?
There seems to be an assumption on here that grandparents are doddery incompetents
Your DC survived the ordeal last time so why not now.
So on the basis of your evidence YABU

Doesn’t there? It’s laughable, don’t ask us then, pay a babysitter.

So cancel the trip and any future childcare as you don’t trust them.
make sure you tell them this as well!

I would presume as our parents took us to the beach and pool when we were kids they know what they were doing parents have raised kids for many years

People get slower with age. There is a reason why people retire when they get old. They are just no so good at doing things. This could make a huge difference if one of the children run off. I am a GP.

But they have told them? They weren’t planning to sneak them off without telling them first. OPs issue is that they told rather than asked…..

They should have checked with you. My DD7 stayed over one night with my parents this week on their holiday, and they checked with me about taking her to the shops and to the beach. It’s common courtesy.

Depends how old you think is ‘old’. To me I’d probably worry if they’re 70 plus, just because it would be difficult for them physically. In their 60’s, not a problem. I see many young parents who struggle with caring for children because they’re obese, obsessed with devices so they’re not actually focussing on child’s safety, lazy. Being sometimes incapable of caring for a young energetic child isn’t something exclusive to older people….

I’m nearly 70.
I can swim a mile and beat any 7 year old over pretty much any distance

I don’t agree with this. Parenting/caring is far more difficult away from a familiar place with familiar systems and tools.

OP, I think all these people saying “if you trust them to look after them at home, you should trust them to look after them anywhere” are totally wrong.

I wouldn’t have been happy about it at all, and I wouldn’t have allowed it. (Having said that, I also wouldn’t not have gone on holiday without my children, so it wouldn’t have occurred).

Obviously beaches, coasts, swimming pools, the sea can be very dangerous places and I could not rest knowing my very small children were somewhere like that without me.

Also, you will have “risk assessed” your own home and your parents home to know that the children are safe there. That is not the case with a holiday stay and can be difficult even if you’re taking the DC somewhere yourself. I’ve stayed in places where I’ve eg had to move loads of glassware out of direct reach of children, where external doors could easily be opened and escaped through, and where there were things like blind cords hanging next to the bed.

The purpose of their GPs looking after them is that you can rest easy knowing where they are and who they are with.

If the children go away somewhere where you don’t know what it’s like and have no control over it then I can’t see how you can have a restful holiday.

I know according to most of the responses here so far that makes me an awful person, but it is definitely what I would have thought when my children were young.

I can also do those things but not all GPs can. There are 2 children and one of the GPs might not be fit enough.

Absolutely nuts isn’t it! Cancelling the trip to stop the kids going away for the weekend?! Mental.

Honestly this kind of question makes me bloody mad.
Why aren't they all going together?
Because they're not, end of. What's it got to do with anything? People are allowed to have a break from their children or go somewhere without the children!
What a question! What's it to you?