To be upset DGP's are taking DC on holiday?

[madderthanapissedonchicken]

Posting for others opinions on this as I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

my DP’s are having my 2 DC for the weekend next month, while myself and DP are away.

I was told today that they have booked to take them away for the weekend.

I’m in 2 minds, as obviously this is nice of them to do it & DC will enjoy it BUT I also would have preferred to have been asked and not told.

a while ago DP’s wanted to take DS away, and I was worried about it him being away, wasn’t going to say yes, then spoke to DP’s and agreed. So I’m not sure why they wouldn’t ask this time? Or if they thought because they are babysitting anyway that it didn’t matter where?

would this upset you or would you be ok with it?

do you want them to look after your children or not? What difference does it make where they do this? They aren’t leaving the country.

Thank you for understanding. Was thinking I was going mad reading some of these replies.
But everyone does have different opinions and I did ask so 🤷‍♀️

If course they should have checked with you before booking anything.

Pottering around Grandma and Grandpa’s garden is completely different to taking them away.

They're not just someone else's kids, they're your parents grandchildren.
Would you expect permission if they went swimming at the local pool or a day trip to the beach?

The OP is entirely justified to have concerns so I think people should lay off her. How many stories do you hear of kids coming to harm due to grandparents unintentional neglect. I still remember the story about the child who fell from a ferry deck while with their granddad. I've literally watched my father in law from a distance on a busy high street with my 2 year old who he was supposed to be keeping an eye on, yet he was glued to his phone and my 2 year old was prancing around 10 metres away from him. I couldn't imagine ever letting him take them to the sea! I'd be having palpitations the entire time.

I'm sorry, they just don't have the same level of vigilance at that age. However, and this is a big caveat - only you know your parents OP. You will know if you can trust them to risk assess and always keep their eyes on the children in any situation. Have they given you any reasons not to trust their capability?
The argument that they were parents themselves and raised us just fine is hilarious - do people need to be reminded about 70s and 80s parenting techniques? They didn't know where we were half the time, why would they be any different now.

I bet they will have a great time.

OP seems happy enough to leave her kids with the grandparents for a weekend, so not sure your post is relevant. Surely she wouldn’t do that if she had concerns about their vigilance??

Surely if that was the case, they wouldn't be having them for a weekend in the first place?

Vigilance at home or in environments familiar to both the grandparents and children are unlikely to harbour huge risks. Unless they have a ninja warrior course in their back garden, taking them to the sea and to "new" or unfamiliar areas significantly opens them up to bigger risks

Thank you. This is what I’m thinking, if they were at home playing in the garden, walks to the local parks / library etc, it would be less risks than crowds of summer holidays / In the sea / the pool etc
Yes I trust my parents. Do I worry that they’d take there eyes off them for a split second, also yes. It’s easy to do and these thoughts run through my head.
im sure most parents can say the same

I totally get this - exactly the sort of shit my Dad would pull actually. There is a difference between them spending time at their home and in their own community, and driving them 2 hours away to a location where there are different risks that neither of you know about and which will require a response from them outside of what you have built together. It was the combination of a few things for me. My parents were used to the routine, which I’d built with them, at their house. They were over 70 and I worried about them driving long distances. They’re a bit pedantic and detail focused - I worried about them getting engrossed in packing the car in a certain way and not watching the children closely. I worried the children wouldn’t settle at night in a strange place and would want me. I hate the ‘either trust them or you don’t’ sentiment - it’s way more complex a set of emotions than that. I actually don’t trust anyone other than me with my children. But I make calculated risks about where they go with other people. Your parents haven’t allowed you that choice and that’s totally unfair.

YANBU to feel however you feel.

What you really seem to be asking though is are they BU, or should you do anything because of your feelings.

I expect they thought that as you're leaving the kids with them all weekend that you trust them to make a decent job of babysitting.

Do you think your parents are particularly careless? Are they bad drivers? They managed to raise you to adulthood, can't really see the problem here.

If you honestly have real concerns you need to talk to them about it. But if you're just feeling a bit anxious about leaving your kids, stuck it up, that's normal. They'll all have a lovely time.

I have no idea why I would have an issue with this we get to go away they get to go away why the need to complicate it

I'm with you OP, definitely would have liked to have been asked not told and do consider things like long motorway drives and bodies of water higher risk.

It's also about them being in an unfamiliar environment with your children, who are bound to be excited and possibly act differently to how they do when they're just at your parents house, which your parents might not be prepared for! I even worry about my partner taking our children somewhere new that we haven't been together as a family as he's far more relaxed than me and doesn't see the same risks as I do! I prefer to be there for new adventures to highlight the risks to my partner. Maybe we are both over-worriers though!

They are doing you a huge favour looking after your children so you can have a weekend away. Presumably you trust them to care for your children otherwise you wouldn't leave them for the weekend so why does it matter where they look after them or what they do

That beggars are entitled to be choosers, that is the logic, surely? If this baby-sitting is paid, then I apologise and I must have misunderstood.

But your parent behaved irresponsibly while you were within eyesight so that argument doesn’t really fly.

They’re already minding the children for the weekend regardless. They haven’t booked a trip and just assumed you would let the DC go, the DC were already in their care so I really don’t get the big deal.

YANBU

I voted YABU but actually I think YANBU.
I didn’t realise your children are very young.
looking after two smalls at a busy beach and in the sea is a lot of work in terms of keeping them safe. Certainly it would be too much for my parents. Yours may be fitter/younger.

There will be crowds of people in local parks etc because it is the summer holidays, busier local roads to cross etc risks are still there if staying local too, especially if not supervised correctly.

If supervised correctly then the risks are going to be low no matter where they are.

I have a 5yr old (just) and would feel the same as you. Bit young really; would be easier / safer (and you’d feel more confident about it all) if the GPs looked after them at your/ their home rather than away in a new place. I get it. I’d actually ask if they can reconsider the location tbh as it doesn’t sit right.

I would prefer to be asked / discussed with before it happens / gets booked yes

I just can’t imagine not having the conversation with my daughter that I was taking them away somewhere. Mumsnet can be a bit off when someone is babysitting. But yes, of course it’s something you have a conversation about. If I’d suggested it and my DD said, “oh I think they’re a bit young” or “DGS is a bit iffy with bust roads” or anything at all, or even just wasn’t ok with it then I’d respect that and either suggest a day trip or keep it low key. I’m sure they did it as a treat, but when you’ve booked a probably long awaited trip you just want to know that the kids are somewhere familiar and safe.
I get it OP.
Are you going to have a chat with them?