To be upset DGP's are taking DC on holiday?

[madderthanapissedonchicken]

Posting for others opinions on this as I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

my DP’s are having my 2 DC for the weekend next month, while myself and DP are away.

I was told today that they have booked to take them away for the weekend.

I’m in 2 minds, as obviously this is nice of them to do it & DC will enjoy it BUT I also would have preferred to have been asked and not told.

a while ago DP’s wanted to take DS away, and I was worried about it him being away, wasn’t going to say yes, then spoke to DP’s and agreed. So I’m not sure why they wouldn’t ask this time? Or if they thought because they are babysitting anyway that it didn’t matter where?

would this upset you or would you be ok with it?

You are happy to clear off on holiday and leave the kid behind but not happy if their grandparents do it?

I would expect to know where in the country my dc were and it is completely normal to speak with parents not just plan trips away. Anyone thinking this is an odd requirement is very strange.

YABU. If it's only a couple of hours away, would you be ok with them going to the beach for a day trip? What difference does it make of they stay overnight, especially as they will be having them in their care anyway

I have been taking my grandson roadtripping since he was 5. I just book him in advance like a table reservation 🤣 Parents are delighted that I take him off their hands for a while. I don't think they are particularly bothered where we go each day, they know roughly what part of the UK we are in. They get regular trip reports, photos and updates and are happy with that. All they care about is that he is safe in my charge and we are having an excellent time

Yes maybe that is it. It isn’t nice to worry but you can’t just turn it off 😖

My kids are the same age OP. I trust my parents with my children and I know they wouldn’t take them away without checking with me. And I know they wouldn’t take them somewhere that they’d feel it’s out of their comfort zone, ie swimming in the pool they know they can manage, swimming in the sea, absolutely no (my mums words). I have a pool in my garden and when having children for a play date I always text the parent if they’re ok if their children go for a swim.
ignore comments saying if you trust your parents looking after the kids in their home you should trust them everywhere. It depends how old your parents are, how fit, can they keep up with the little ones all day, are they fit enough to sprint after a child if the child decides to run away.
my parents take my children to the parks, farms, shops etc. my MIL looks after them over the weekend but only in her house/garden because she’s approaching 80 so isn’t comfortable taking them anywhere. She’s completely shattered after the weekend with them without leaving the house but says she wants to help more. We ask only couple of times per year.
Only you know if your parents are capable to take your children away to the seaside. I wouldn’t be! And yes they should have asked!

Which is the wrong comparison because there was no reason to presume that's all they'd be doing. Mine would've asked about taking them away. But even if they weren't having a holiday, the GPs could be doing any and every kind of day trip. Beach included.

Well more than that though with water / pools/ beaches involved and 6/4 yr olds - I’d definitely be expecting a chat about it/ permission sought.

OP - trust your instincts; it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks about it - they’re your children and you’re doing your job to protect them / ensure they’re safe and well.

A day at the beach wears me out with them 😅 and I’m 30 years younger. They’re mid 60’s, reasonable fitness

If you trusted me to look after your children at your convenience, I would assume you trusted me to do normal everyday activities with them.

If they’re babysitting for you they’re doing you a massive favour for the weekend and giving their GC a lovely time
I fail to see why you are upset about this!! Lots of people would love this - my kids have no grandparents they’ve all passed away but I’d love this how nice and kind and thoughtful!

We live in a small village, which is why I feel the risk would be much much lower

Unless they are completely incompetent, the risks are still going to be low.

I think your anxiety is partially coming because they didn'tt ask, and they know this is something you have felt anxious before and they still didn't check in. I wouldn't exactly like this either, I'd expect the plans for the weekend to be open and transparent and them to ask if taking the kids away was a good idea. That said, now you know, I think it would be fine if you trust them, I trust my mum to take my kids to the beach as she's an exceptional parent, but it does depend on the parents!

Not weird to want to be asked about children going several hours away on a mini-holiday when you thought they were staying local.

I cant see why they would have to ask permission when the children are planned to be with them anyway. It is a lovely idea.

i dont think you are being unreasonable to be upset the DGPs didnt ask you about taking your kids away. it would have been the right thing to do if looking after children to say,wed like to do a) when the kids are staying with us ,is that ok with you?
Having said that,do you object to whatever plans they have? if so,you ned to have a conversation ,if not,i'd let it go.

From the other point of view, my DP & I regularly look after 2 grandkids and often chose / decide to take them away for short breaks as it gives us plenty of things to do, we eat out so no meal prep and we come home to our house which remains clean & tidy.
I love having them but love my own life too. Their parents tell me their grateful we are giving the kids good experiences and are happy for us to do it we are lucky we can afford to spend the money on them. I've even booked last minute trip without asking parents first as it was a last minute offer and I chose to say yes and then tell parents.

OP, I was born in the 1960s. My grandparents were born in the early 1890s, so they were old by today's standards to be very involved , which they were. They took me and my brother all over the place with no accident happening and if (my grandmother especially) had been questioned about it, parents would have been handed their arse on a plate.

You either trust them to look after them or not and if you don't you shouldn't ask for childcare. They are not taking them off to be abandoned and cared for by wolves.

I hear you OP.
I'm your parents age and wouldn't dream of just taking my GC away without first asking permission and giving a detailed itinerary.
It's not the same as having your own DC at all.
With your own DC you "have got your eye in" so to speak. You are used to constantly risk assessing through every waking hour.
If you aren't doing that every day you can lose the "sharpness".
Your own home is geared up for kids, a holiday home might not be. I remember my MIL letting our children get items out of her giant chest freezer, without a thought that they might fall in. The kettle cable dangling off the work surface!
She also didn't see the danger with her having a unfenced garden pond and only a partially fenced garden.
Talk to them OP. You are in charge.

This! It's their Nan and Grandad ffs. What do you think they're going to do, fuck off to Amsterdam for a weekend sesh? Poor Grandparents can't win.

I would be OK with it but I would expect to be told before it was booked and asked to OK it.
Of course you feel weird that your babies (however old they are) are being taken away somewhere and you didn't know.

As a mum I totally get it OP. I think your parents should have asked you first before announcing they have booked to take the kids away. Although that does sound slightly hypocritical when you've left the kids with them to go away yourself.

But, as a child who was taken on holiday several times by my grandparents, these times are so very special for children. I remember with great affection the holidays I had with my grandparents and your children will have a wonderful time with theirs.

I would expect to be asked, but I guess as you are off on holiday then they feel that it's fine to also treat the children to a holiday too.

If they are like my parents I expect they will be watching the children like a hawk. My mum says that when she looked after mine when small she was always extra vigilant as it's different when it's someone else's child.

What's the problem? You get a trip and so do the kids everyone wins ❤️

I would expect to be asked as well, especially as you were unsure about them taking just DS before. It feels a bit sneaky but depends how they are with boundaries usually, I suppose.
YANBU

I agree with you OP. They’re your children and you get to assess the risks taken with them. They should have asked.

I would be ok with my father or stepfather taking my kids to the sea or pool because I trust their swimming ability. My mother and in laws are less physically capable and I’d worry they couldn’t save the kids.