Sick of my wife’s temper

[Seriouslyworrieddad]

My wife has always had a temper but recently it’s next level and I’m concerned for her but mainly our child.

We have a toddler who admittedly is extremely full on - for the last 6 weeks he has been going through a sleep regression and my wife has been completely loosing the plot with him during night wakes.

We had a conversation about it last week and she said she would look into anger management.

I’m away at the moment and my wife is now sleep training our toddler. I called before bedtime to say good night not realising that my wife had put our child down early. She answered the call in a room seperate to where our child was sleeping but it must have disturbed them as the next thing I could hear was our child crying so my wife hung up.

She then preceded to send me increasingly angry messages saying bedtime was a disaster and then called me shouting down the phone saying it was all my fault. I could hear our child screaming and crying in the background.

Thankfully I know my child is asleep now but I’m just getting sick to death of my wife’s temper and worried about her with my child.

Does anyone have any advice please ?

Nah. You really hate women don't you?!!

So a mother who is being literally tortured and left on her own with an "extremely full on" toldder is - just as you would be - shouting down the phone to her husband who called her from his nice comfy bed and woke the child, then got on here to verbally abuse her.

He's not frightened for his child, of course, not remotely - or he'd be on the way home. He's just sick of her behaving like he would (actually he'd be far worse, most likely, men's tempers are legendary) or like you very definitely would if you hadn't slept for weeks and been left on your own with a chaotic kid.

The whole problem can be sorted by him doing two days of parenting and letting her sleep and rest with zero parenting duties then getting some extra help in, one way or another. He can organise that with her, since he's a parent too.

And, of course, if he can't manage two full days of parenting he's a lazy, selfish arsehole - that's just standard parenting.

He doesn't have to go home because his wife will be fine and so will his kid - that's why he's not going to go home. It's either he's so worried he has to, or he doesn't have to and he's chosen not, so that's how we know there's nothing to actually worry about.

But he doesn't get to whine and snivel about her behaving in exactly the same way you definitely would in the same circumstances and then have his boots licked. Except on mumsnet, which hates women.

I don't think it's as simple as that. You may have missed the bit where he says his wife has always had an awful temper and has admitted that she needs to seek help for anger management - that IS her normal baseline, which is not a good baseline for bringing up a young child. And no, not all parents shout at their child for waking up. Mine didn't sleep through until they started school, but I never ever shouted at them.

@FairKoala I totally agree, havng lived it as a younger woman. It will only get worse. I think unless things improve and wife gets help then it's time to separate.

@HenLen You are pulling my chain now!
"His wife is being tortured".
Yeah, how exactly?!!!!
Perhaps if things are so awful for her they should separate. In fact, I think they should 😀
Are you married? In a relationship with a man? No - your hate of all men is clear.
My favourite part of your post is: "Mens tempers are legendary" when it is the wife screaming and shouting.at the child and banging doors!! 😄

Fgs she is an adult she needs to say it if she is not able to cope . Seriously. Single mothers manage full on toddlers. It’s like you think this woman has zero responsibility for what is going on. She is a fully grown adult woman and a parent

Are you ok ? You sound so full of venom and you are making elaborate presumptions based on a small number of posts the op has made . This must be the third time you have mentioned “nice comfy bed “

@HenLen "literally tortured" with a toddler doing normal toddler things (again, they have been sleeping through for the last year and this is phase whit started a few weeks ago) weekends away, regular outings to the gym, a husband who works because she CHOOSES to stay home. Those prisoners of war don't realise how good they have it compared to some, do they??

Cheeseandolivesplease

As the child in this scenario then I beg and plead he takes the child away from her.

I have suggested home start for that reason.

I didn't have a network - we weren't near family - they weren't supportive anyway - and we moved in first pg to compeltly new area - moved just after birth with second then again aroung 8 months later.

Each time I had to go out and find a network lessons, toddler groups and children centers - it was hard but I knew I needed the structure of having somewhere to go and be and the interactions with other adults.

Most posters are suggesting more support - check she actually well and then try and give her more time/space to sleep or be.

If however she always been angry and prone to outbusts - then frankly not sure there is much to be done because having a child was never going to change that and always likely to be a stressor - parenting classes might help as might anger management but if that how she deals with stress shouting and door slaming not sure why this wasn't considered before kids - I don't think it's ideal parenting.

If you are actually worried about child saftey ie you fear your child may be phycially hurt - you can't work away even if needed by job - parental leave in short term possibly - and you need to be taking things way more seriously that means raising issue with someone official - HV or GP or even SS.

And how does that help the child? Is he going to take care of said child 100% of the time - I thought not.

Yep, she’s full of hate .

I'm not a massive fan of men that neglect their parenting duties or marriage like this either. This may come as a shock to you but not all men are like this. I'm actually married to a lovely man that runs a very successful business and shares parenting duties fairly. You may well be shocked to hear that you can hold down a job, even one where you sometimes need to work away AND be a present parent and husband.

@Seriouslyworrieddad - is this thread giving you food for thought or did the fact that so many of us have pointed out that you may be a big part of the problem meant that you have run away never to return?

I have lived with someone with anger issues.

Let me phrase it in another way: It is very anger-inducing for everyone, not just someone with anger issues, when someone is supposed to do 20% of the chores, do 5% instead, and then act as if they should get a medal for doing the 5%, which is the impression I get of the OOP in this thread.

Yep. They do all those things.

Its scary how many women here seem to be admitting that they'd be an unsafe single parent as they cannot independently cope with normal child behaviour without resorting to rage.

@SummerPeonies2026 Starting point in court of 50/50. No CMS due, no financial responsibility to his ex-wife so he can reduce his hours/look for a new job to fit around child care in his time. Obviously he can work as many hours as he chooses when the child is with Mum. Mum will need to get a job.
And before you say jobs like that don't exist - I had one for the many years my ex-husband and I shared care 50/50. He also had to work of course.

100%

From the comments on here I’m starting to see why the mental abuse I suffered as a child was swept under the carpet.
My mum was also only 17.. probably exhausted… had to everything alone because her selfish bastard of a husband was at work.. poor her!
No!! Poor bloody me! Riddled with trauma because she chose to have a child, get no help for whatever the hell her problem was and destroy 4 children’s childhood. Shocking comments from mums on this thread.

She’s always had a temper and you are worried for your child- have you told your wife this? Is childcare an option?

Rage = unmet needs is a complete cop out- reverse the roles and you’d be told to take your child away from your abusive partner and leave.

So, OP, hope you had a fantastic night's rest in your nice comfy bed, all alone with no parenting duties, after you badmouthed your harassed wife who shouted at you in desperation after you woke your child up.

Here's what you do to fix this - you go home and spend two days parenting, you let your wife have a good night's sleep for two nights and she does absolutely zero parenting for two days.

This is necessary because she has been tortured for weeks now, and as you kno - as does every other person claiming otherwise - you would definitely be shouting after weeks of no sleep and dealing with your in your own words "extremely full on" child all alone for a week.

Then, when she's no longer exhausted and drained and cognitively impaired - all of which is standard with weeks of sleep deprivation, as well as irritability (but you already know that) and she she can think straight again you can help her put a plan in place to get some rest and parent your child effectively.

Then, if you feel it's needed, you can get counselling for you both. For example, you can discuss why you wrote demeaning words about your son's parent, who you completely trust to look after him - because if you didn't you wouldn't bitching about her from a comfy hotel room - and you can discuss how you can fulfill your parental and husbandly duties better into the future.

@HenLen I love your sarcasm! 😄 🤣 😂 😆

I didn't resort to sarcasm 😃😅😆😁

No need when every word I stated was true :)