Sick of my wife’s temper

[Seriouslyworrieddad]

My wife has always had a temper but recently it’s next level and I’m concerned for her but mainly our child.

We have a toddler who admittedly is extremely full on - for the last 6 weeks he has been going through a sleep regression and my wife has been completely loosing the plot with him during night wakes.

We had a conversation about it last week and she said she would look into anger management.

I’m away at the moment and my wife is now sleep training our toddler. I called before bedtime to say good night not realising that my wife had put our child down early. She answered the call in a room seperate to where our child was sleeping but it must have disturbed them as the next thing I could hear was our child crying so my wife hung up.

She then preceded to send me increasingly angry messages saying bedtime was a disaster and then called me shouting down the phone saying it was all my fault. I could hear our child screaming and crying in the background.

Thankfully I know my child is asleep now but I’m just getting sick to death of my wife’s temper and worried about her with my child.

Does anyone have any advice please ?

Thank you again for attempting to scream me into silence with concerted efforts to abuse me.

I do appreciate it, it makes my point about the OP emotionally and verbally abusing his wife much stronger.

Anyhow, my advice to the OP would be this.
Your wife clearly needs some help with her anger; I can put money on red flags even before children came along. Don't allow her to shift the blame on your for this. It needs addressing ASAP.
I would suggest a calm conversation with your wife and also suggest you will go with her if it helps. Her issues are historical as you say and need addressing.
I know when I was suffering terribly with anxiety I couldn't necessarily see it myself, but my husband could. An excellent counsellor was a game changer.
See how things go after her therapy and then review it from there. If they don't improve my advice would be to separate.

I’m not bullying anyone and she’s not being tortured for fuck sake. Babies wake up at night, it doesn’t last all night. Normally you change there nappy give them a cuddle and a drink and they go back to sleep. That’s what I did anyway, perhaps I should have tried screaming at my baby while slamming doors.. according to most of the people on this thread that should’ve got me a husband who did all the night feeds even though he had to go to work, a cleaner a nanny, a week in a spa and as much time in the gym as I fancied.. Oh and I never want to cook dinner again either.. Sound reasonable?

discuss how you can fulfill your parental and husbandly duties better into the future.

"...while continuing to earn the salary that supports the entire household."

Fixed it.

Now that I've made sure my comment wasn't drowned in a sea of nutty replies, I'll go and check out some more threads.

But don't worry, I'll pop back later to bump my comment, my day drinking fan club should be well onto the third bottle of plonk by then, and hopefully passed out 😆

Well, yes, as he's chosen to have his wife stay home it is indeed his job to earn money.

So, not fixed, as there was no requirement to say it. That's the job of being the working for money parent when you choose to have your wife be the working at home parent. As his wife is now nearly broken with exhaustion and he has allowed this to happen, he now has to fix the problem by being a decent parent and husband.

But of course she gets breaks, just as he does. If he was expected to stay at work 24/7 with no breaks and very little sleep everyone would be horrified.

That's what she has been doing.

And as she has not been getting any breaks, he has to fix that as it's nobody's job to be tortured for weeks and left alone with chaos and an extremely full on child to do every single second of parenting while suffering from sleep deprivation.

Nobody agrees to that, because nobody can do it.

Anyway, I'm off for now, will check back later.

I'd say stop responding to them. It isn't fair when it's this unequal. Obviously mods think it's wise to allow this type of behaviour on the site but we can choose not to interact with people who arent able to hold their own

That's the job of being the working for money parent when you choose to have your wife be the working at home parent.

"...when they choose to..."

Fucking hell are you for real? Sleep deprivation is recognised as a form of torture by the UN.

Babies wake up at night, it doesn’t last all night. Normally you change there nappy give them a cuddle and a drink and they go back to sleep. That’s what I did anyway

Amazing! I wish you could've popped round to my house during certain nights with my babies when they absolutely DID cry all night.

Heaven forbid some babies are more unsettled than yours 🙄 these desperate women at their end of their fucking sanity just need to give the baby another cuddle!

6 weeks not 2 years

the mum chose to be a stay at home mum, she will have known what OP’s job was and what it entailed long before the baby was born.

The poster is correct in what they said

mumsnet is just a joke at this point. There are actually only a handful of helpful replies in this thread. A whole lot of misandry & blaming the OP. Lots of telling him to quit his job & that its his own fault but barely any condeming a woman who was abusing his child whilst he was away for work & he had to hear it over the phone.

add to that, that we have a new anti men buzzword ‘himpothy’ being reused, I assume by the bot replies threads get that pick up responses.

It shouldn’t matter if its a mum or dad making a thread and posting asking for help. Put yoursef in his shoes, you are away for work, you call as normal to say good night before bed & that happens. You reach out for support to be told no in fact its your fault your wife has a temper & is abusing your child.

on no planet is what this woman has done acceptable. On no planet is the man to blame, now if he leaves the child again then yes fire away at him.

lots of you need to do x x x to the OP but no, why is this woman who is emotionally abusing and frightening the life of her child not seeking help

6 weeks is all it has taken for this woman to become abusive to her child. Yet 99% of the posters are excusing her behaviour. 99% of mums and even dads get affected by babies/toddlers not sleeping & I don’t think (or at least I bloody hope) that the default is not to start abusing your child.

If you are in any doubt to what I am saying. I am saying it is the woman’s fault

Im well aware how babies can be at night. I had one that woke every 90 minutes for the first 3 months with colic. Never once screamed at him to shut the fuck up and slammed a door on him.. because I’m an adult who chose to have a baby, understanding all the potential consequences of having a baby.
If she’s got that little control over her anger she needs to fix that. There is no excuse for treating a toddler this way, no matter how knackered you are.

There seems to be only one actually abusive person on this thread and its not the OP.

making up imaginary scenarios in your head & reposting them over and over again does not make them true. Just FYi

@HenLen Tolerance? In more ways than one 😀

Thanks Sal.

Christ is it any wonder so many women end up with PND or worse if this what they hear about themselves?

And to answer your question, OP should've GONE HOME. Assuming he's UK based, he is allowed emergency unpaid leave for a dependent/family emergency. This is one. He should've left immediately. Not started a thread online bitching about his wife, its literally entitled "Sick of..." Not "Greatly Concerned" or "Very Worried" which implies an element of care. No, he's sick of her, like she's just not good enough. Which is incidentally what new mums with PND tell themselves every day anyway without the husband piling on.

You realise that if he has to leave to go home in case the mother harms the child, he has to do something to ensure she isnt with the child alone again, right? The minute he takes emergency leave because she is screaming and swearing at the kid and slamming doors, he's admitting that she is a danger to the child. Their romantic relationship is then secondary and safeguarding the child way from the potential source of harm becomes the priority

Hmm or he could just say my wife is very unwell and I need to go home right now, there is nobody else who can help? Since when do UK employers demand this level of detail?

DH took emergency leave when I had my appendix out and there was literally nobody else to care for our baby. His boss didn't say anything beyond hope she feels better soon.

No he should NOT lie or cover it up if he has to go home to keep his child safe from its mother. It is alarming how many have normalised this behaviour and/or would take steps to conceal it.

FFS he's not lying or covering anything up, she hardly sounds bright and peachy does she? It's not a lie to say she's unwell and needs his help, it's a shame he can't bloody see it!

Also where the fuck has OP said she's endangering the child? Did I miss that bit? Is she not feeding him or leaving him alone in the house? If every parent who has ever shouted at their kids had them removed then about 90% of kids would be in care!

Verbal abuse, rage and damaging property due to normal behaviour of a toddler is harmful to that child. It's actually abuse.

If he has to leave work to prevent his child from being abused, then he cannot hide that and has to do more to safeguard the child. That will mean limiting the unsupervised access to the child as far as possible.

If he was to lie and say she is physically unwell and allows this situation to continue where she thinks fatigue is an excuse to shout and scare the child, then he is complicit in this child's emotional neglect.

That would all require him to get off his bum, out of that comfy hotel room and go home and actually step up.

This is a 2 year old. When you decide to get pregnant or get someone pregnant, you don't know what type of kid you will have or if they will be NT. If you can't deal with the prospect of broken sleep for a very long time, then maybe kids arent a good idea for you. You don't get to scream and rage at them when they keep you up.

How do you know he's in a hotel?

You mean leave work where he earns the only money to go and keep his child safe from his seemingly unhinged and dangerous mother? Yes. And once he does, he should either lock her out of the house or leave with the baby to keep them safe from her.

Because he is working away.