It’s a hen party one. Annoyed my DSis

[Lau226]

DSis is 7 years younger than me and I’ve agreed to go on her abroad hen weekend next month. Every detail has been planned by her MoH and there’s an in depth itinerary.

Last night, MoH put a message in the group to say for 2 of the events (a meal and a beach club) there will be consistent outfits required, one of these will be swimwear.

She is ordering the swimwear and put a poll in the group to ask people to record their size.

I take issue with this because 1. The swimwear in question is a thong bikini and 2. I find it embarrassing to share my size in front of the group (I am larger than them all, which is why I mentioned the age gap).

I privately messaged MoH to say I’ll bring my own swimwear which will also be white so it matches.

Dsis called me an hour later (she’s not in the group) - she said that I should just wear it for the photo at the start and then change straight out of it l, that she wants me to get involved and she’d be gutted if I’m not in any photos and not matching. I shared why I’m reluctant but she’s having none of it.

Am I being awkward here? I feel like it’s a lot to expect. Before anyone suggests it, I can’t cancel and I will be going on the hen, she’s my sister and it’s paid for.

Just say no! What an utterly ridiculous performance!

There are precisely zero circumstances which would see me wear a thong bikini in public. None. At any age.
i would just say no. If she moans, tell her she is being a brat, you are x years old and perfectly capable of deciding what to wear.

Agree.

Op i would also raise concerns about not wanting to be photographed in any swimwear, or have photos of you in your swimwear put on social media. If she can’t see why that is a problem, she is deluded.

Wow. Huge nope. No one would ever tell me to wear a thong bikini for a photo or any swimwear.

For one, no.
Two, I'm an unusual size, slim with tiny ribs but large breasts that need a lot of uplift. I'd never fit in a standard, un bra sized bikini and look respectable.

So I'm thinking if it's thong bikini is the photo going to be of everyone's arses?

Otherwise who cares what people wear if it fits the colour scheme?

Although I'm guessing everyone else in a bikini & you in a cozzie wouldn't suit either.

Yep. Vile and tacky.

I am a size 12 and there is no way on earth I would be wearing a thong bikini!!!!

No-one on this earth is entitled to insist on your arse cheeks being out in public, not even the ever sacred, holy, important bride. What on earth next, enforced nudity?! This is beyond ridiculous. To insist you be willingly uncomfortable so MOH can show off her arse...nope.

Nope.

Have you been living under a rock or are you being deliberately stupid?

This is crazy. My little sister is only 3 years younger than me, and no way would I let her or her little friends tell me what to do. (They are in their 50s and I still think of them that way!)

Put your Big Sister (non-thong) pants on and tell them to do one.

Get a sash made with 'chaperone' written on it if everyone is so concerned with you looking different in photos.

I'm 47. I wear bikinis. I wear thongs. No way would I combine the 2 in public. Plus it sounds naff as hell.

What hell is this ? Hell no ! YANBU

Just tell the MoH a random tiny size and then when you get there tell her it’s too small so you can’t do it after all, what a shame etc.

Bloody hell, main character syndrome to the max, is she a celeb? Does her Instagram need to be that curated that she'd allow her own sister to feel uncomfortable in a thong bikini of all things?? I'd just say then fine I won't be in the photoe, but I'll be there so what difference does it make if I'm not on the socials? Make her think a bit, outrageously vain behaviour on your sisters part.

This

I’m wearing a bikini for the first time in 10yrs /since had mini blondes , as I’ve lost 7s

but no way would I wear a thong bikini - let alone white

your sister and moh are being silly

As I said only the op can decide if it’s a hill she’s willing to die on!!
I also say that I think it’s completely ridiculous!
However brides do get a bit kooky over wedding stuff so the op has to decide if she’s willing to just suck it up or damage the relationship with her sister!
As I also said It was my personal opinion if I was put in the same position I’d probably just suck it up with a very clear I’m in this thing till x time then I’m changing!

These events seen to have become hyper controlled and Insta vacuous over the last few years. Thank goodness I am never likely to be invited to wear a white thong costume as that would be horrific. I think working size is a good idea then whoops it doesn't fit!

Abso-fucking-lutley no!

Quite ! However, it does mystify me why so many women go along with this kind of stuff.

Like others here I would go back to dsis and ask: ‘whilst I appreciate the hen do is a big part of wedding prep now, I cannot fathom why you would want to put your sister - and potentially other hens who perhaps have not spoken up - through the discomfort and embarrassment of wearing something they absolutely would not wear under any [other] circumstances for a photograph that will be shared on social media without their control and consent, displaying that discomfort for the world to see. Absolutely fine to ask for a pool side group shot, but matching, skimpy ‘costumes’ [I assume none of the hens are muslim or similar] is degrading to many women who do not want to wear them. So you will bring a costume in the same colour and sarong and if that is not good enough, you will not be in the photo. A loving sister and friend would be happy with this. She should think about that.’

If she/MoH wasn’t happy and it continued to rankle to the point that I feared there would be snide remarks during the hen, I would actually cancel going and suggest a sister-only spa date instead.

ETA - you absolutely do not have to explain or justify WHY you do not want to wear the outfit, btw. Your body, your boundaries, the right to set those YOURSELF, are what women have been fighting for for decades. It is never okay for a person - a woman - to bully another women into disregarding her bodily autonomy and discomfort. Not EVER.

Yes it may be this. Late thirties (which I assume OP is) is early for perimenopause, though it happens! Either way, the thing bikini request is ridiculous, @Lau226

FFS! This bloody ‘hen do merry-go-round’ is getting ridiculous! MoH is completely out of order trying to compel anyone to wear any garment that she knows is not acceptable to everyone because it is too revealing ! I bet the MoH is slim, toned or has no shame in having her arse and flaps hanging out of a minuscule piece of fabric for a photo shoot for people to ogle or laugh at later! I am not a prude but I certainly would not be wearing a bloody thong for anyone at any event!

If you are 7 years older than someone in their early 30s then you are probably not entering your ‘peri’ stage.
Thong bikinis are awful and these hen dos sound ridiculous.