Is this a ‘Soft life’

[Wellthatwasabrupt]

And would you want it?

Has Dh, one young Dc and dogs, lives overseas by the beach and countryside, nice house with pool and sea views.
Works 6 hours per week from home. Does all drop offs and pick ups, food shop, dinners, majority to do with Dc and sorting bills. Has a cleaner.
Dh works Mon-Fri -finishes 4.30, no one works weekends.
Days are free based around Dc school drops, coffee with friends, Pilates, yoga, studying or reading if you like, watching Netflix all day if you like, shopping, beach, pool, garden

Would you call this a soft life? Would you like it, be honest?

What job only takes 6 hours a week? Is in fact a hobby ?

Yes this sounds like a soft and very pleasant life

6 hours a week, if it’s all in one go and dealing with the general public, for example, is very definitely a job and not a hobby.

1 hour a day doing translation / admin / secretarial stuff - also very much a job.

6 hours of paid care work - job.

6 hours of tutoring - job.

6 hours making stuff to sell on Etsy - job.

6 hours of anything where you earn money for it - job.

You really don’t have enough info to tell OP whether the 6 hours work is a job or a hobby 🙄

Why are you asking these questions, OP?

Is the woman you, someone you know or a fantasy figure?

You think someone who reads, plays sports and studies in their spare time is neither productive or striving?

OP, I feel like you are trying to convince yourself. Or maybe your husband is trying to convince you?

No one can tell you if this is a great life or not. When I lived this trailing spouse SAHM life, I was surrounded by lots of spouses who loved it.

I didn't. I preferred to share the parenting, cooking and paid work more equally. Even if it meant standing up on the Northern Line to get to work. That's just me, though. And as I said, I am one of the few people on MN who might wish they had spent more time in the office. Children grow up very fast. And leave. So do some men, though mine is still around. The trailing spouse life was too unbalanced for me.

There are seasons. Why do you assume going for coffee is drudgery

Why are you asking if it's such a good life?

Sounds great, although I'd want two children personally.

Why does everyone have to be ‘Striving’ though? Striving for what? What is wrong with appreciating and living in the moment, being happy with all you’ve got and counting all around you as more meaningful than striving for more?

Yes and yes x

Nothing.
It just wouldn't be for me.
I like striving.

I’d like it, sounds idyllic, but I am making a wild guess that you’ve missed out the bit where the person living this lovely life has to post loads of shit on social media with #softlife so people will talk about them and know what soft life actually means. They will also need to direct people to their Ticky Tocky and Instah accounts because they aren’t content to just do all the lovely things in their lovely life, they still crave attention and envy from others too. That bit isn’t for me, I couldn’t be arsed I just want to do my stuff in private.

To me , this is SO accurate !!! And funny 😂!

I tried to explain that in my previous comment. Because, as wisdom in various cultures goes, the mind craves fulfilment in productivity. Unproductive people such as described can only last so long before seeking productivity in the homemade candles or the PTA, or alternatively wasting into an addictive behaviour such as gaming, drink, affairs, or becoming depressed or overweight etc; this is the body and mind reacting to the lack of fulfilment.

This is just my opinion, but you asked me to explain it.

I'm not talking about work vs non-work. Many people in work are also unproductive and unfulfilled. I do think it's quite hard to be productive and under-employed though, unless (as mentioned), you start chairing the PTA or similar.

My speculation is that you're describing your own life, that you're only a year or two into, and your mind is just beginning to get itchy feet about it (sorry for the mixed metaphor), and you're fishing for reassurance here that your lot is enviable

I would definitely say its a soft life, I could imagine it being some people’s ideal but it wouldn’t be mine personally.

I love my husband, I love my children and I love our dogs and life together but I wouldn’t want those things to encompass my entire life and personality, or all of my enrichment really. I appreciate that I am lucky to have a job I really enjoy and get so much fulfilment from which also allows me to work 3 days a week currently with two small children once I return after my second mat leave, so my current best of both worlds is my ideal.

I also in general am just worried by the thought of being entirely financially dependent on a man in this way, even if he is great, no concerns, happy, things can change so quickly and while we all love to believe it would never be us I have seen too many women left totally fucked to feel comfortable putting myself in that situation. Trying to find a job to support themselves and their child could prove tricky with no recent relevant experience, especially in current job markets.

My main issue with this kind of life is...sure you have coffee and pilates with other mums in the same position, but no one has anything to talk about.

Do people just talk about their work? What do retired people talk about? Their work 20 years before? Do you never talk about books, politics, history, gossip, the meaning of life? Just work? I'd find that deadly dull and would rather stick with the coffee and pilates mums who wouldn't be wanging on about what the accounts department said about your expense report or the latest development in insurance law or whatever.

It sounds perfect!

Sounds bloody perfect! Peaceful, calm and the opportunity to slow down and take it all in. Live in the moment, being able to practice mindfulness and absorb the beauty around you because you’re not rushing around in the corporate world. Why do people link productivity to purpose?
Your purpose can simply just be to raise your child, enjoy the sea and countryside, enjoy a clean and tidy home, time to cook lovely dinners for your family, catch ups with friends uninterrupted by work and kids and enjoy all of that without daily stress hanging over you.

I’d go as far as saying a lot of people are probably envious of this life which is why they’re kicking back.

The stress I go through daily with the responsibilities of running a business, raising children, end of life care giving for a parent amongst everything else, I’d absolutely adore that life style. In fact it’s something I will be striving for when the time is right.
Enjoy — what sounds like — a lovely lifestyle 🥰

Why are you asking? Are you the husband in this scenario and the wife is unhappy?

I think it’s a privileged life but not necessarily a happy one. Depends what the husband is like, what the job is etc.

No...see my comment responding to this exact point.

I'd do it if I didn't have to have the kids

Whenever someone wins big on the lottery, like life-changing amounts and they say they want to keep doing their piddly arsed job - because they'll be bored, and you wonder who the fck are these people , well look no further, because they are all in this thread apparently 😁.

I can think of so many exotic things to do with my time, with or without money, so you can guarantee I won't win , sadly 😒.

That’s a sweeping statement about who carries that work.

How is this persons financial future protected?

Yes, makes me want to shout- have you no imagination?