Is this a ‘Soft life’

[Wellthatwasabrupt]

And would you want it?

Has Dh, one young Dc and dogs, lives overseas by the beach and countryside, nice house with pool and sea views.
Works 6 hours per week from home. Does all drop offs and pick ups, food shop, dinners, majority to do with Dc and sorting bills. Has a cleaner.
Dh works Mon-Fri -finishes 4.30, no one works weekends.
Days are free based around Dc school drops, coffee with friends, Pilates, yoga, studying or reading if you like, watching Netflix all day if you like, shopping, beach, pool, garden

Would you call this a soft life? Would you like it, be honest?

There are not enough Mrs Elton references on Mn.

Fine, if your idea of a fulfilling life is watching Netflix, shopping and doing Pilates, as the OP outlines. I mean, in what way will you have contributed to the world?

Only boring people get bored..

Did it say they weren’t wealthy? I read nice house with a pool? Thought the husband earned a good wage and could finish work at 4:30pm. She’s seemingly a sahm primarily so for nine months of the year outside of school holidays for maybe 10-15 years she will have about 5 hours a day between school drop off and pick up. It said she works for one of those hours and learns a language. So then there’s maybe three hours left in the day. Presuming the cleaner is weekly, there will be general daily laundry/cleaning and evening meal/food prep to do and usual life and parenting admin/planning. That’s probably 1-2 hours.

So there’s maybe one to two hours in a countryside house with a pool, probably a nice garden and with a dog. That’s before you even leave the house for culture, appointments or classes. I could fill that hour or two without feeling life was “meaningless”. I wouldn’t need to be “grafting” in an office in town. If she had a job that she didn’t need for cash but was preferable to her than the above scenario all those things would still have to be done so she/husband would divide them up after their work hours. As it is they all spend a relaxed low pressure afternoon/evening/weekend together and when life is short and precious that sounds nice. Neither choice is right or wrong but not everyone has a vocation and some people wouldn’t work full time if they weren’t getting paid, so if you remove the need for cash there’s no need to and they are not worse people for it.

The Netflix/Pilates criticism is a red herring - op says you could do what you want, no one is forcing you to watch tv. It could also be a documentary or playing football which somehow seems less lazy or pretentious?

having written this massive essay living vicariously through this woman’s scenario, I would not move to somewhere like to Dubai for this life, though.

That's one of the most deluded sayings of the many deluded sayings I encounter on here.

Again missing the point. The life in the OP is potentially ultimately relatively devoid of any kind of aim or drive, given the child is school aged and not home during the day and the masters isn't being done with any particular purpose in mind.
I suspect the post was made by someone who thinks he's given his child's mother a gilded cage that he wants to believe all women are actually jealous of, or a mother trying to convince herself somewhat unsuccessfully that her adult daughter is fulfilled by her life.

If the liver of the life had posted she might have explained what truly gives her fulfillment and purpose instead of alternating between doubtful, listless and defensive.

I wouldn't like it because it's overseas, and I wouldn't want to live away from home and my friends and family.

I really like my job, 35 hours a week, and I can walk to work.

If I was very wealthy, child free or with grown up kids, trust me - I could fill my days with amazing experiences and meaningful activities and never be bored.

But child rearing + domesticity with a bit of Pilates and coffee meet-ups thrown in would bore the arse off me. It’s ‘well-off housewife’, basically, isn’t it? Not for me.

It’s not a judgement. The OP asked if it would appeal to others and my answer is ‘sounds boring and unfulfilling to me’. For others, it may sound blissful.

This is something my late father used to say - and on a superficial level it means finding something to fill your time makes you a non "boring person"... but I think what it actually means is that only a boring person would live a life like this.

Filling your time with faffing and watching Netflix and a bit of desultory this and that passes the time but the existential ennui remains if there's no purpose beyond keeping yourself busy.

As I say, if the woman living this life had actually written the post she would probably have written passionately about her masters subject and whatever it is that she finds meaning in - but the way the post is written sounds somewhat apathetic and unsure, and later posts are defensive rather than suggesting the liver of the life is passionate or excited about, or fullfilled by of the little bits and pieces she does to fill her days.

Nice for a holiday or a recharge. Filling days to distract from the hollow feelings of life passing you by is easy, but many people need more purpose (which doesn't have to be paid work but can be if it's the right career, it can be a big, engrossing project of another kind, but not dribs and drabs of "keeping busy" and pottering...

I totally disagree. Introverted people tend to never get bored as they have a rich internal and creative world....

I do all of that and work full time, as do most other parents.

It's just not possible to the same extent and you know this.....

It’s absolutely possible, in the right field. I’ve always worked FT, as has DH. We’ve always managed all that between us.

Not heard the term soft life before but it sounds like how I’m living for the next couple of years while we’re abroad. My kids aren’t little though they’re all senior school/uni age.

I thought I might be bored, but the reality is that my wfh job takes an hr or 2 a day and the rest of the time I have filled with language classes, WI type meet-ups, swimming, gym, and reading. I’ve met some lovely people and am way more relaxed and pleasant than I was when I was working long days.

In what way is it not possible in your opinion?

There are expensive afterschool care options near me that have waiting lists, so lots of ft working parents don’t have the same flexibility to down tools to go and collect kids for 3pm and then come back, cook dinner from scratch, give them attention and help with homework etc before doing bedtime. I’d imagine you’d have to start at 5am and be stopping and starting to fit in school runs and dinner with 8 hours of work.

Being there for every drop off and pick up doesn't mean at 9am and 3:30. I do every drop off at 7:30 to breakfast club and every pick up either 3:30 or 5pm for after school club. I finish my hours in the evenings when they are asleep, I've chosen a career where I have the flexibility to clock out in the middle of the day to see performances, assemblies etc, and then clock back in once they are done. The breakfast club and after school clubs are expensive but after the costs of nursery they are tiny in comparison so it's money that has always been paid out on some form of childcare.

Lots of people may not want to do what I want, but that doesn't mean it can't be done

I see, that is different to the op position of being there at schooltime drop and pickup and spending time from 3pm with the child though. You pay for about 15 hours of childcare a week that the op mum does herself, so it’s not quite the same thing.

Have a medal. 🙄

Did it say they weren’t wealthy?

Yes, @cosimarama just read OP's second post: "Herself & Dh are funding their lives-they are not wealthy, but get by ok"

Thanks, I missed that! “Getting by” even with a nice house and pool doesn’t sound like a soft life.

Not worthy of a medal, hence my response to OP, they seem to think doing what they do is amazing and more than any other parent does, I was simply pointing out plenty of parents do the same, plus work full time or have more productive weeks that the OP.

Have to agree to disagree, OP chooses different drop off and pick up times to me and many other parents, but at the end of the day it's still the same parent dropping off and collecting. Plus doing all the other stuff. Nothing amazing, just usual life for most parents, but OP thinks they are doing something amazing someone working full time can't do

There’s no way you can give the same time, focus and attention to 3 children when you are working 8-5pm than someone who doesn’t work.