Is this a ‘Soft life’

[Wellthatwasabrupt]

And would you want it?

Has Dh, one young Dc and dogs, lives overseas by the beach and countryside, nice house with pool and sea views.
Works 6 hours per week from home. Does all drop offs and pick ups, food shop, dinners, majority to do with Dc and sorting bills. Has a cleaner.
Dh works Mon-Fri -finishes 4.30, no one works weekends.
Days are free based around Dc school drops, coffee with friends, Pilates, yoga, studying or reading if you like, watching Netflix all day if you like, shopping, beach, pool, garden

Would you call this a soft life? Would you like it, be honest?

Doing a part time masters whilst only working six hours per week and having one child who is at school all day isn't striving.

Many people work full time and raise children whilst doing a masters part time.

It doesn't sound as though this woman is studying full time (if she were, the masters would typically be done in a year).

I'm not going to care one way or other how people live their lives. If they are funding it, they are happy, it's up to them.

Based on my own life experiences though, they'd be wise not to take it for granted. The reality I've seen in too many people's happy lives is that their life can change in a moment by death or severe illness or some other life event out of their control - in the parents of children, sometimes more than one at once, sometimes as a consequence of one major and sudden event. Life can then become very difficult indeed.

They haven’t suggested at all that they are better than anyone else. You quite aggressively pushed them into revealing whether or not they volunteered so they shared that they did and then you implied that this was somehow boasting.

I suggest, as your OP isn’t a genuine question or invitation to discussion but a soapbox, that you step away from the thread.

I recently did a master’s degree over two years and another master’s level qualification at the same time, while working full time and having fertility treatment. On reflection, this was a little too much at time (especially as my job was long hours with a fair commute), but I’d agree that a part time master’s plus six hours of work and a child of school age is somewhere at the other end of the spectrum.

I suspect OP falls into this category, since she (or he) is happy to live a soft life that will drive others up the wall with boredom.

Not convincing some posters on this thread that she/he is living a charmed life, OP is now trying to invent a purpose of life by being mother/madonna and these working women are harming their child. The WOHM/SAHM debate has been done to death. Unfortunately OP is not following many of the arguments.

Hope OP finds some purpose and meaning to her soft life that transcends her single child growing up.

Interesting all these patronising and bitchy put downs, says a lot.

"ourselves"

Defo the husband.

Explains the outdated views of women and motherhood and incredulou indignation that us wimmin are not swallowing unscientific arguments such as "Everyone with half a brain knows it’s better", "there is no denying that," , "You cannot argue biology and nature", "we cannot deny that the very best during those formative years is for the child to be with the mother. There is simply no point in arguing this anymore. ", and "It’s basic biology and common sense".

"Newsflash-many many women want to be a mother and want to be at home with their child, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it is a good and valuable thing to society to be a mother, it is not nothing, in fact its the most important thing."

Nothing like a man telling a woman what she likes, what she feels and what is important.

It is nice to be reduced to being a womb, boobs and a bunch of hormones whose divine purpose is to 'raise' their children singlehandedly whilst part of a 'village'.

This reply says a lot about you, whoever you are and your motive.

You’re reading a bit too much into this, relax 😂

"ourselves" Defo the husband.

Ah good spot @blueshoes ! I think that is pretty conclusive.

Now that that's established op, tell us how your wife actually feels about all this (not just how you think she ought to feel, which you've made very clear by now)?

Is she wanting to move back to the UK? Or get a full time job?

‘Soft life’ aspiration and promotion is something that’s wild on tik tok and The Gram’ currently -largely aimed at young female teens.

I’ve been an Adolescents Social Worker for best part of 20 years and prior to that was a secondary ed teacher.

Early 2000’s I used to work with lots of girls who aspired to be footballers WAGS or go on pop idol/ Xfactor; then came Only Fans which many saw as a ‘ ticket out’ route from a worryingly young age , and more recently ‘soft life’ which essentially (as they see it) be as attractive/hot/sexually available as you can to enter into a relationship with a high earning man to live a ‘ princess life’. This essentially means not working and being ‘spoilt’ because you are worth it etc

My ‘patch’ is Cambridge and then the deprived surrounding East Anglian communities

Its a prolific aspiration for a lot of young women across the social stratas

The op is a woman, she's a frequent poster on aibu. The posting style is familiar and her somewhat old fashioned beliefs.

Why the op is being so cryptic here, who knows? 🤷‍♀️

Thanks @Anonymousanonymouslytoday.

It sounds like a very nice life and there's nothing wrong with that!

@Wellthatwasabrupt has posted dozens of times and I haven’t read them all…. Has she confirmed whether she is this person or someone she knows (very well it would seem!)?

Whether I enjoyed it or not would depend on how the relationship with DH would be. If I felt I had to worry about anything I wouldn’t do it. I am too independent to give over my financial freedom and autonomy over to someone who would potentially make me regret that.

What is this obsession with giving completely inane things twee expressions, I assume it’s the world of social media.

Add in a couple of stables and it sounds like the perfect life. Especially the increased opportunity to read/study.

Yes, of course it’s a soft life but you know that already.

Your life sounds a bit boring, but most of all; unfulfilling. What are you achieving? Where's the struggle? the achievement? Sounds like sleepwalking to the grave. You aren't even giving anything back. Where's your volunteering activities? LOL. I imagine you must be feeling rather empty. So you need to actually do something with your life.

Nah, with that level of money, it is all about getting out of the house and the boredom, having adult conversations and a bit of respite from the kids.

It’s also about keeping up/ developing skills I think. Then that keeps options open in the future. Much more so than having a long break from work.

It's a bit rich for you to call other people "defensive" and tell them to be happy with their choices, OP!! 😂 You're so desperate for validation from strangers you've started a weird thread talking about your life in the third person, asking people if they'd want your life then arguing with posters who say it wouldn't be the life they'd choose.

Seriously, what are you actually getting out of this?

This is not a life I would want.

What I am pushing back against is the maternal essentialism running through the OP’s comments: the idea that mothers are naturally and biologically the best caregivers and that a good mother would therefore want to devote the first few years almost entirely to her child.

That does not reflect the society I grew up in. Women across every social class had lives and work beyond childcare. Wealthy women relied on nannies, nursery nurses, domestic staff and extended family. Middle-class women worked, ran businesses or pursued other interests with family and domestic support. Poor women worked because they had to, often carrying babies with them and later relying on relatives, older children and the wider community.

My husband took six months of parental leave with both our children and restructured his work so that he could be more present before they started school. We also left them with “strangers”, although carers do not remain strangers. They become familiar, trusted adults with whom children form relationships. I had nannies throughout my childhood and never felt unloved, unwanted or uncared for by my parents. OP's condescension seems directed at mothers like mine, who trusted other adults to help care for their children.

There is a perfectly reasonable argument for better parental leave, affordable childcare and helping parents spend more time with young children. That is very different from suggesting that mothers are biologically superior caregivers, or that women who choose to return to work they find meaningful and fulfilling are failing to put their children first. This is a historically narrow and deeply conservative model of motherhood being presented as nature. Honestly, just enjoy your choices and leave everyone else alone.

I find this whole post strange, but you know what I find stranger . People that think because they work they are contributing something amazing to the world . When loads of jobs are getting replaced with AI . Most people jobs could be replaced within a week. If you are a doctor , surgeon etc I can understand. But most people aren’t doing some amazing job holding the world together. It’s done to pay bills and to line the owners (normally millionaire pockets )with even more money .
never understood why some hold it as their whole personality. SAHM. raising kids holds just as much weight .