Is this a ‘Soft life’

[Wellthatwasabrupt]

And would you want it?

Has Dh, one young Dc and dogs, lives overseas by the beach and countryside, nice house with pool and sea views.
Works 6 hours per week from home. Does all drop offs and pick ups, food shop, dinners, majority to do with Dc and sorting bills. Has a cleaner.
Dh works Mon-Fri -finishes 4.30, no one works weekends.
Days are free based around Dc school drops, coffee with friends, Pilates, yoga, studying or reading if you like, watching Netflix all day if you like, shopping, beach, pool, garden

Would you call this a soft life? Would you like it, be honest?

It’s not the same though, it just isn’t

That’s your opinion. It is a free world generally so I am entitled to have an opinion on an issue which affects everyone.

If you don’t like it then perhaps go back and answer some of the other posters.

Of course but it’s true of course

I’ve answered lots! Have lost track a little

Anyway, no offence intended, have a great day

Have a day.

So basically this whole soft life shite was just a long winded way to spout off on the dangers of working mothers.

No.

Well yes it was and you've become a lot more vocal than the cryptic half arsed answers you were giving before.

Still think you're a man anyway.

id love to be able to do school pick up drop off etc and not worrying about finding childcare all the time would change my life massively!!

😔 Is there any way you can change things a bit somehow? Are you able to work from home at all

The question is how long you believe people should devote themselves solely to the care of the child

the first few months - I can’t imagine that it isn’t usually best to have a key person caring for baby and that is so intense that other kinds of work will have to go by the by. And the mother is the obvious choice as it’s best for baby to be breastfed. And that requires adults to think before they have children how they will finance themselves

but sometime after that and certainly by the time the kids are in primary school there is no need to believe you are working full time on childcare. ( this is a generalisation and there are families especially with disabled children where this won’t apply ) At that stage it’s a family thing - for some , mum at home makes sense and suits everyone. For others - that’s crap. Most sahm will take on all the household roles then - cleaning and cooking and admin because most people want to contribute their fair share to the family. And it doesn’t seem to matter if mum works full time or part time as long as there is enough stability and love from whichever adult is around most - dad, gran , childminder. the more the merrier in most cases. Better I suspect for the child development to have a range of adults on whom they can rely on and learn from

Yes, you’re right-at that stage

@friedaklein called it first I think.

And the telling us off and ranting about women in general finally transpired

For me soft life is not working at all and still enjoying luxuries such as fine dining and travel.

If you have to work at all then it is not soft life.

Just my opinion.

So you are writing about your wife? Or is this your life? Or should I say yourself's?

This is one of the most oddly framed AIBU I've ever read on MN.

What is your AIBU? Are you asking whether it's unreasonable to think your wife has a soft life?

Or was this meant to be a gotcha in which you tricked anonymous presumed women into "admitting" they'd like to be SAHM to a single school aged child?

You keep insisting that your wife's (or your) six hours per week career is more valuable to society than most people's but appear not to understand that unless you say what the career is (at least approximately) people find it hard to believe that six hours per week is contributing more than a full time healthcare, education or social work professional, for example.

The term "pet looker afterer" and claim that owning dogs is socially useful is enough to make you unreasonable all by itself. Individuals get value from pet ownership but society doesn't get anything from you owning dogs (especially in the plural).

If you wanted to debate childcare practices you've gone a funny way about it - maybe be more straightforward with your opening post and thread title rather than the very odd cryptic AIBU spinning out into foot stamping about how your opinion on paid childcare being just an a priori truth everyone needs to admit although you cba to dig out any actual concrete research to back your point up.

There are studies backing up your opinion and studies contradicting your opinion. If you are the one studying I hope you are not under the impression that you can use this poll as research for your masters - unless as an example of absolutely the least valid possible way to design a poll!

@friedaklein did call it first, and I’ve been talking about it too since then - the OP has consistently ignored that particular question. Which increasingly seems to suggest that it’s true.

My theory is that he’s pushed her into this life & is angry that she doesn’t appreciate it.

Why did you start this thread @Wellthatwasabrupt? You asked people if they would consider the life you described to be soft and you asked for honesty. People answered that yes it sounds like a soft life, low impact, in no way hard.

You have then gone on to try to justify what a significant part you play in your families life, how everyone who has chosen differently has neglected their children and how the tiny amount of work you do and your education means you have played a profound part in society.

It comes across as though you are trying to justify your choices to yourself and as though you are insecure.

You won't get an answer @flyingToniBoxes the op will only argue his wife's life is the dream.

Well then in the interests of fair debate shouldn't you let us know who you are in this situation? A mother with the set up you've described? You're demanding to know whether a pp is a mother but have written pages of posts without detailing whether you're talking about your own lifestyle or not.

To answer the original question it definitely sounds like a soft life, but not necessarily an enjoyable life. It's one I had myself for a quite few years after my children started school and I only worked one day per week. I thought I'd love it, but honestly it was boring after a while. I had hobbies like yoga and meditation and even a little hobby business, but when I decided to increase my days at work I was much happier.

I realised that as much as we all crave fun and ease and getting to do what we want, when we want. In reality I think we actually like the experience of some contrast in life. All the fun and leisure activities feel better and more satisfying after a bit of hard work and challenge. It's hard to create that through hobbies that are optional that you know you can just pick up and put down at will. Also unless you are super rich and your community are all brunching mums (which doesn't really sound appealing) it's hard to relate to other people because most people don't live like this. Not a reason to go to work if you don't need to and don't want to of course, but it can be a bit isolating.

I have similar issues as well as a physical disability, please can you share your experience from working with your private doctor? I have seen hundreds of doctors and various specialists who offer this that and the other and nothing has ever helped , I’d love to see if there anything that I haven’t tried. Please pm me if preferred @EvieBB

@Wellthatwasabrupt , are you talking about yourself or a hypothetical person? It’s very detailed for theoretical but I don’t really understand your question

644 posts in & I bet we get to the end of the thread without the OP answering the questions about himself. Or herself.

Who is watching @Wellthatwasabruptyoung dc in order for them to spend so much time arguing on MNs? Don’t you eat dinner together as a family? tsk tsk!

Yes he's definitely angry that some people are disagreeing with him.

I hope she manages to get away.

But you are striving. You can’t get a Masters without striving.