Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

Highly unlikely unless both parents and grandparents had children young and groom is young too. My MiL was a young mother and grandmother, but was in her mid-70s when DD was married at 26.

I wouldnt like this, but its wild to decide on this before hearing how the bride and groom found it. It's not a speech that is to my taste, but if it was to the bride and grooms taste (and, by extension, something they thought their family could hear) well it's their wedding

Honestly never heard anything like that in a best man speech

This. That is really grim. I would have been so embarrassed I would have left and taken a taxi home.

Are you kidding me? You can't go a day on MN without someone starting a thread slagging off the middle classes 😂

Sounds like something you'd have heard at a wedding in the 70s.

If you think it’s a red flag then it’s a red flag. To me it would depend on the audience and his personality etc, but in general yes it sounds like something I’d be wary of.

Ewwww vile.

I'm assuming the grooms mum and dad were there, aunties, uncles, siblings, grandparents?????

I would dump asap.

You sound too intelligent for that vulgar, crass toilet humour banter

I’m struggling to understand the point of your comments. You’re either a man who finds these kinds of speeches hilarious, or you’re a woman married to a man who finds these types of speeches hilarious and you brush it off as just lads banter and oh boys will be boys 😂

Is it really winning to have a wife that resents you and secretly finds you the biggest ick ever?

Did he time travel from the 1970's

I'm betting he had some charming stories about the stag do too.

Maybe this was out of character, but I'd be thinking about to any other comments he's made in the past and how he behaves with his friends and whether they all go on "boys" trips every year.

I'd be looking at his current and past behaviour to decide if he behaves like a mature adult in most respects.

This. He should have done that on the stag do (if absolutely necessary). But in front of the couple‘s family? The bride‘s elderly relatives?

edit: and if OP ever does get married, she’ll apparently have this kind of speech to look forward to. Wonderful…!🙄
And he didn’t just „try to make things uncomfortable“ for the groom. He also included and (probably) embarrassed the bride…

I think you need to clench harder and find an adult who isn’t puerile, vulgar, and completely crass and shit tbh

Does it not depend on the people getting married?

my DH has been best man twice, one wedding nice speech everything respectful and a few little chuckles with some standard best man jokes!

one wedding talked about strippers and getting drunk when they were younger and everyone cried laughing!! However the bride, groom and the families are into this type of humour and I think they’d have been disappointed if he wasn’t a bit risqué!

I can't believe people still do this, how horrible.

Yes this would bother me. I’d be concerned that my DPs view of friendship was to aim to make his best friend uncomfortable on one of the most important days of his life. And that that’s all he cares about. Not how it would impact the other people in the room.

That’s really gross. And hugely different to planning a speech al with the aim of making a few jokes at the groom’s expense but also honouring the day and the effort that has gone into making it special as well as taking into account the audience.

I can imagine being there and laughing politely but really thinking that he was a dickhead with no social awareness.

So if this was your wedding and somebody spoke of your 'DP' and you that way how would you feel. Would you be upset or not care? Would it ruin your day?
Even if I thought I was going to get roasted by someone else there is no way I would speak in such vulgar tones..

For me this would be a serious red flag and I would question his character. And if I would want to be with someone who spoke in this way in company.Maybe I am just a prude though.

No that’s horrid. A good bit of banter on the best mans speech - yes. But that’s just disgusting and seems very disrespectful to the poor bride and her family. How embarrassing.

I’d say this is standard best man crap! Wouldn’t bother me as it’s just what they are expected to say!

This sort of thing depends on your audience. Normally weddings you should be a bit on the conservative side because the audience will be diverse ages and the two families can be quite different. But sometimes everyone's on the same page and crude humour is loved.

If it was my wedding I'd be worried about how DH's parents and a couple fo our uncles and aunts would take it, but pretty much everyone else would have been rolling. I'd find it quite funny (except for the concern that some people I love would be offended).

That’s just awful . The poor bride. I’d be mortified if my DP behaved like that !

It wouldn't have been the best man's speech I'd have given, but it sounds like it was the one that was expected of him.

If this is the only thing you've had cause to doubt, I'd let it go. If it's an example of what he's actually like, then I'd be second guessing the relationship.

I’m surprised the someone didn’t get up and lamp him mid speech.

Puerile and totally unfunny.
I would be ashamed to be with him at the wedding after that performance

He sounds utterly revolting to me.

I was also at a wedding this weekend @Molsmol8 and the best man managed to give a speech without any vulgar stuff, it was still really funny and also heartwarming. For example, how the groom has form for always leaving things to the last minute and being late so everyone is surprised he made the wedding on time, that he is really laid back and therefore seemed nonplussed when all his pals turned up for a birthday he hadn't planned due to his (now wife) being more on the ball, daft things like waking up on some steps and not knowing where he was and having to call home, nobody knowing what he actually does for a living including his brother and parents; "something financial" despite him patiently explaining it over the years.

Some stuff was a bit cheeky, but nothing vulgar and the best man ended with saying how happy he was for his best pal when he met his wife and toasted the bridesmaids and everyone. It was really good. I'm actually underselling it! 😅 Anyway there was nothing icky and I'm afraid in my opinion what your dp said is just really gross. Sorry.