Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

Classism? What 'class' are these sexist, unfunny blokes - take the mote out of your own eye because I think it's you making the assumptions here

So upsetting to read that. He sounds beyond thick, sorry OP.

Yeah, I'm fairly robust but thats gone way too far. Admittedly its a while since ive been to a wedding but I doubt that's the norm. I hope it was a child free wedding, I'd be less then impressed if someone delivered that with kids in the room. Plus its all a bit "look at me" isn't it. Sorry OP as MN likes to say, might have to throw this one back.

Just read your reply saying kids were there, I mean wtf! Not appropriate at all!

Oh absolutely! They love nothing more but to try and make themselves feel superior. It’s a pure psychological defence mechanism to cope with their own insecurities.

There’s nothing wrong with saying “ooh that speech was a bit risqué for my liking” but to call it “uncouth, low class, Jeremy Kyle” is peak Classism and that poster should be ashamed.

That is just vile, disgusting, crude and unnecessary.
The worse speech I ever heard was at my best friends wedding, the best man was her husbands brother he said a few funny things then made a toast to the bridesmaids another toast to my beautiful friend then weirdly a toast to Miss America, they have been married for almost 26 years and she has only just found out that Miss America was the prostitute her husband slept with on his stag weekend. And yes they are getting divorced but not over that, but how horrible to have that on your wedding video.

Yes classism.

To describe the OP’s partner as “Low class, uncouth, vulgar, crass, rough, like Jeremy Kyle” is classist.

Or don’t you agree?

I think saying uncouth is not being classist and I think when people say low class they're referring to the content rather than the people/person.
I'm not sure about Jeremy Kyle - what's that?

Gosh I couldn't stay with him. He sounds like a 13 year old boy in the playground.

@grapesstrawberriespleass the kind of men that women come on here whinging about on the daily lol. ‘My husband won’t help me with chores’, ‘my husband goes out every weekend and leaves me with the baby’, ‘my husband visits strip clubs and watches porn’.

Right. But they have partners. So those men are still winning.

Disgusting

No. Describing someone as low class means low class. If they weren’t being classist they would have used an another adjective.

Uncouth - an adjective used to describe a person or their behavior as rude, coarse, or socially unacceptable. Using “uncouth” to describe someone carried heavy classist undertones.

Jeremy Kyle - The Jeremy Kyle show: A 2000’s British daytime “talk show” (hosted by Jeremy Kyle) where members of the public (predominantly working class people) would attend for advice and JK’s help on family life, relationships and DNA paternity tests. It’s classist to describe someone as being “like from Jeremy Kyle” due to the stereotypes socially associated with its guests mocking their backgrounds.

The original poster I quoted was being classist. It’s there in black and white.

I have not read the whole thread. But if everyone attending did find it funny then that says something about the kind of circles that your DP mixes in, which is also concerning…

Exactly this. If you choose a man who thinks this is OK, don’t expect him to become a caring, considerate, sensitive and supportive partner.

To put it crudely- in the way some men might think - have a fling if you must but throw him back quickly.

He sounds vile and vulgar. There is nothing humorous about it at all. Run while you can.

Yuk. If that’s what he expects to get at his wedding would you be willing to put up with that ? I wouldn’t.

Eurgh, this would definitely turn me off! I've been to a lot of weddings, with lots of funny best man speeches and none have had to stoop to that kind of humour. I'd have been mortified if I was the bride!

Apart from anything, it’s so tacky and unoriginal.

Dump him for thinking that that passes as a sense of humour.

In Four Weddings, Hugh Grant's best man jokes are shown to fall flat because they missed the mark and went too far. The person giving the speech is the target of the film's joke, not the people the speech is about. There's a tradition of humour - but not of crudity.

I bet the bride spent a long time making sure that every detail of her wedding day was perfect only for your DP to do his best to trash it.

Why is it that men's contribution to weddings is often to act like it's the last day of their lives and to try and ruin everything? From stag dos to shitty best man's speeches to shitty behaviour at the wedding.

You know what to expect if you marry this man-child OP.

It sounds homoerotic and horrendous. Find a charming and well mannered man if you can.

Yuk.

Best man's speech is meant to be amusing and take the mickey out of the groom a bit; but this was just vile 🤢

Ewwww.
I'd find it very difficult to be with someone whose mind worked that way.

Im all for a couple of rude jokes and a banter but it sounds like he went well over the top. It’s a wedding, no need for such crudeness around both of their families it’s really disrespectful.