Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

Vile, but is it not an English upper class thing - they are trying to outdo 'Four weddings' - remember awkward speeches about pulling dogs and why do I marry a stiff in a skirt?' Nowhere else in Europe would you hear such crass speeches, but is it not traditional here?
When my DB was getting married, the bride's parents (French) specifically requested none of that in the best man's speech, they were horrified in advance.

I can have a coarse, sexual sense of humour but this would be too much for me, especially at a wedding. The misogyny/bodyshaming is really the line in my opinion. "Doesn't reflect his wider views"? My arse!

I'd be especially troubled by the ominous promise that he'll receive the same in due time. Oh, marvelous...

Well I’m with Banaba!

And if you RTFT, I think you’ll find most people are.

How any woman could find this kind of unoriginal, hackneyed, corny, embarrassing rubbish ‘OK’….I’m speechless! But it seems some are quite OK with these low grade, dodgy men.

No it is not.

I'd be definitely planning NOT to marry this bloke if he's hoping his friend is going to "repay" his speech one day! I'd be cringing for the bride and I'd ask my DP what he expected the bride would be feeling during his speech? Does he think she really appreciated it ruining her special day?

Revolting.

They were behaving as though they were on a lads night out & ignoring the broad-based audience (I imagine) at the wedding. So rude.

Ew.

The only (weak) defence I can come up with is that he is not a public speaker and went with bad taste 'humour' thinking this is what a best man speech should be like. Badly misjudged.

Hideous.

The people of MN are generally quite quick to call humour crass. I would personally be mortified if it was my wedding because I know my mum and nan would not appreciate it. I'd find it funny at someone else's wedding if I knew bride and groom appreciated it.
It sounds like your DP read the room if everyone else, including the bride, laughed and in a year and half he hasn't said anything that you've found offensive.

Don't let the people of MN convince you the person you've been in a good relationship with for a year and half is someone that he isn't.

Vile

👎🏾 vile social circle. consider yourself duly warned through this distasteful exposé 🤢

So when you get married he is expecting his best man give a speech that's at least as bad at YOUR wedding.

I'm sorry but that's a relationship breaker for me that he even let that thought into his head.

What’s your point? Good for them?

These men seem to find partners, but I guarantee the kind of men who find speeches like this funny are the kind of men that women come on here whinging about on the daily lol. ‘My husband won’t help me with chores’, ‘my husband goes out every weekend and leaves me with the baby’, ‘my husband visits strip clubs and watches porn’. That kinda vibe.

She's not wrong though.

DH’s best man (BIL) was able to take the piss out of DH without insulting anyone. It was good humour without just being disgusting or talking about sex/one night stands. I’d have been gutted if I was the bride.

I don’t know how I’d react if DH gave that sort of speech. I’d genuinely be shocked as he’s never been that sort of man.

Sounds incredibly cringe and innapropriate 🤮

This is a great speech ... for 1976.

Good god, were things that bad?

My DH’s best man went down that route and we have barely seen him since. Not my doing, though I did wonder why he was trying to humiliate us (my DH mainly but I was having to sit there while he insulted my DH) . But my DH saw through him for the show off and insecure man he is. One of my friends went up after and told him he was bang out of order which made me feel a bit better. I’m sorry, OP. It’s not something to break up over in itself but you see character in moments like this. Good luck.

Laughter is also a reaction to embarrassment and in a group it's very awkward to not laugh when others do.

I'd need to ask someone to ask the bride in private if she was happy about it. It can't be the OP as she might not want to upset her by saying her partner offended her and her wedding guests.

If the bride was mortified and the partner won't agree to change his best man plans for his own wedding then it wouldn't be a relationship that I could continue with.

So what now OP? Surely you know he's an utter cock? Has it come as some sort of cheeky surprise? and the issue is how YOU feel about it, not that the bride etc thought it was a hoot.

And if you RTFT, I think you’ll find most people are.

Yes, because this is Mumsnet. Y’know thats known for its predominantly middle and upper class user base. Where Classism is routinely accepted and shown.

Of course the vast majority on a site like this would be up in arms and clutching their pearls vomiting over “low grade” people. 🤣

I agree. That post you are replying too probably tops everything I've seen here before. People usually at least try to hide their classism. I wonder why PP feels the need to act that way. I'd guess they're trying to make themselves feel better about their dull personality.

This is disgusting, never heard a best man speech like it. I dread to think what would be in your partner's best man's speech at your wedding! His excuse is he did it because he knows his best man would do the same to him, what disgusting tales will you find out! Imagine finding out the man you just married is utterly vile, I feel for the bride!

have you told him you were upset by it