Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

Awful. Showing himself to you via the medium of a BM speech

Well, the weddings I went to were before AI took over. So there were some extremely funny speeches without having to resort to unamusing crudity. The best speeches gently mock the groom and his friend group, backed up by anecdotes, whilst having some compliments about the bride and respect to the bride and groom‘s family. It is not that hard.

There have been speeches I have listened to where I have nearly cried with laughter and there has been no need to make stupid immature sex jokes. Not finding jokes about strap-ons amusing, is not a mark of being a prude or protestant or whatever other nonsense has been mentioned here. Ultimately, the stuff this idiot best man came out with, were just simply not funny.

I would now have the ick very strongly. I hate lad culture , there are lots of men who are very different with mates than they are with their partners. But I think at the end of the day it shows how they think deep down.

Yes, you’re right, it wasn’t the best speech in the world. He’s a bad speechwriter. Does that warrant a breakup of an otherwise good relationship? Or is that a massive overreaction?

It depends how much of a turn-off it is. I would find it incredibly unattractive. I doubt I would have been with a ‘lad’ type in the first place though. I have always found them repulsive.

Talking about cocks and anal sex is not funny though, not at a wedding speech when there are all ranges of people and children.

It's not women's job to teach grown men how to behave.
There's no way of knowing how they'll 'evolve', either.

Why should any woman take on a manchild in the hope her teachings will make him grow up. For goodness sake.

They rarely do anyway.
Is he really a nice bloke and devoted dad, anyway?
Or could he just be a manchild who's gutless (they usually are) who's too scared to leave even if he's not happy because he'd have to find a replacement mummy.

Well, you obviously know him.better than I do. Didnt know he was your friend as well.

You only know what you see of him.

Well said! The working classes are for doing our kitchen extensions, not for fraternising with.

Thing is though this sort of behaviour has nothing to do with social class per se.
Rugger buggers who went to public school to 'footie' fans who went to the local comprehensive.

It's not a social class thing.

I knew of a guy when I was younger who did indeed smoke cannabis and had no job (last I heard he'd pulled his socks up so maybe just a phase) who was polite and would never ever dream of making a speech like this. No way.

I’d be horrified if my other half gave a speech like that. It’s unpleasant, disrespectful to the bride who probably laughed so she didn’t get called a spoil sport and could very well have spoiled the day for her.
Your partner has no sense of what’s appropriate for specific occasions.
Just think if you married him, the speech the best man will give at your wedding.

I agree, but you’ve got most posters on this thread calling this Jeremy-Kyle esque and saying it’s classless. A bad best man speech is not an indication of anything other than an inability to write a good speech.

No it’s not the norm and pretty horrible to a mixed crowd that possibly included children. FWIW our best man started crying ALA Smithy but managed to pull him self back round 😂 but it was a really heartfelt speech and the humour in it was gentle about a few silly things they had got up to when younger.

How lovely for you to look forward to the comeback at your own wedding.

It's the laddish content of the speech though.
It would put me right off.

I agree that this 'all boys together' bullshit is across all classes.

I just don't like this sort of man, regardless of his background.

I cat believe people are suggesting leaving this man over this speech. A man who the OP admits has been lovely and respectful from day 1. Typical over reacting dramatic action from MN.

A little bit far perhaps, but I don't know the wedding couple or guests, but assuming he also mentioned how lovely the bride was, how happy he was for the couple etc, sounds like a typical Best Man speech.

Oh. You can see inside people's heads now can you.....you can read the minds of people you dont know from Adam .....remotely. You should go on Britain's Got Talent. You'd make a fortune.

People can end a relationship for whatever reason they wish.

This would be a massive turn-off for me as I can't stand laddish behaviour.

I hate it.

That's good enough to end it.

I like men to be reserved, have the ability to think for themselves, who know how to behave in social settings, not some idiot who does things because the other men are doing it.

What's wrong with that?

I think you have got a glimpse of the type of language and conversation you DP has with his friend when you are not around. If that was toned down and he can talk about others with that sort of disrespect and vulgarity at a wedding, then he is capable of talking about you in the same manner when you arnt there. Ask yourself do the comments he made reflect his personality outside this event? Have you maybe missed some indication that you are getting a censored version of him? If so I’d think very hard about if you want to be sitting in that brides place, trying to laugh off these jokes, in a couple of years.

Yeah very OTT … jokes are a must but need to be close to PG, likely Nans and kids in attendance.

I think there are many layers of humour and this is one of them. Maybe crude / vulgar and uncouth, but if its given and taken in good humour and without malice then just relax and go with it for the day. Im taking it that he doesnt talk and carry on like this every day or to you, otherwise it wouldnt have come as such a shock and fright to you.

I'd find this hilarious tbh 😂

Why are you actually with this total tosser OP? He sounds a regular twat.

I often think about faking diarrhoea and running to the toilets at the start of the speeches, I hate the way they're so insincere (or do I mean sincere). If I had been present at this one I'd have been looking at the expressions on the gran's faces at the mention of Big Cock.

Ew, no way could I be with a man with such vulgar “humour”. Definitely a red flag in my book.