Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

Gross, and a warning of how your wedding would be if you married this man!

He sounds vile,. thoughtless and stupid.

Well it would be for me and others too.

I can't stand lads, lad humour, 'footie' not football fans, rugger buggers who light their farts, men who hang out with their 'boys', look at the 'tits on that!' ain't I the cock of the walk, yet still need their replacement mummy's (aka long-suffering wife who has come to see him as the manchild he is) comfort when they start crying after 8 pints.

Ugh.

Completely inappropriate, I’d have been so upset if I was the bride. Imagine marrying him and there was a speech like that at yours ? It speaks to his character and those of his friends and on that basis I don’t think I could carry on.

It doesn’t sound like any I’ve been to!

Does he talk like this normally? How long have you known him?

Swearing don’t bother me and I’m not easy offended but that would just be unnecessary and inappropriate-the poor bride.

I said exactly the same thing and my post has been removed. Why ?

Good God no. He might well receive as good as he got but if this was me it wouldn’t be at our wedding.

I hate this particular breed of men, totally obnoxious (prob embarrassed the bride - and her family). If anyone complains about their testosterone fuelled behaviour they invariably gaslight people “it’s just a bit of banter”

This man is grim, numerous people would have felt really really uncomfortable at at least some of his remarks

most people would have been laughing out of sheer embarrassment.,

if you choose to marry this person - do do on the understanding there will be no best man’s speech

I have never been to a wedding where the BM has been like that. And I've been to lots

Perfectly put. “It’s all a bit of bants innit” seems to be their excuse for misogyny and bullying most of the time. Honestly why do women but up with these men.

But if their relationship progresses, this is what she can look forward to on her wedding day...

Exactly- I’d just never associate with those kinds of people

Yes! Very grim

How would you feel if it was your wedding/you were the bride? If it’s ’par for the course’ then it’s where you’re headed.

Think that is disgusting. I think that half the guests would walk out about a speech like that. If you fancy marrying a yukky man like that you will have a very disgusting speech at your wedding too

I went to a wedding with a speech like this. Absolutely mortifying for the guests and even more so for the poor bride and her immediate family. Really took away from the day.

I don't know.
They're like replacement mummies to these men.
Or nannies.

The combination of misogynistic comments yet needing a replacement mummy is particularly off putting.

I like a man who fundamentally likes women, I don't even object to a bit of old-fashioned protective behaviour like opening doors, but doesn't treat his wife like his mummy.

They need their little gang of boys - who will be sniffing around their wife very quickly in the event of a divorce- and their mummy, too.

The exception here are men who have forged genuine bonds through fighting wars and other battles.

'But people often write speeches based on books'

I doubt that any book about writing wedding speeches includes jokes about anal sex and strapons. That is stag territory at best.

Obviously splitting always involves a discussion, but there wouldn't be much chance for redemption after such an epic faux pas.

Even if it was an adults only wedding it's in extremely poor taste in front of the bride and both sets of family members.

I would be mortified and I simply wouldn't be attracted to someone who could think that this was OK at a wedding.

There would be no coming back from it without a personality transplant.

Rather than throwing the baby out with the bath water, I'd sit down and have a serious conversation. Ask him if he feels the need to be that gross with his friends. and, if he says those are not really his views, then ask why did he feel the need to do it. Suggest that if he feels the need to bend himself out of shape to be around them then maybe he needs to seriously think about the quality of his friendshop group and if that"s what he wants going forward. ....when he might have a marriage and kids.

Way over the top, possibly he was out of his depth and overcompensated.

Red flag for me either way.

Why should she be his mother explaining correct behaviour?

Just get rid of him and find a real man who knows how to behave. One with social intellect and a certain level of sophistication who won't embarrass her.

My replacement mummy comments are spot on.

Why would anyone think that was appropriate at a wedding. What did the groom and bride think. Did he not show anyone before hand.

Men like this always like to think their gang of boys will have their back in a crisis because they played rugger at university or watch the footie together.
They don't.

The number of times I've been hit on by the so-called best mate of an ex after the break-up. Lots of times.
No real loyalty.

The exception being men who have been through real hardships together like fighting wars and so on.

They think having a favourite band or football team their mate also likes is bonding. Pathetic.

After hearing that my nethers would have clamped shut like a vice.

If that's how he is around his male friends, I'd not let him near me again. Can you imagine how they talk about the women in their lives? Just no.

OP, there's nowt wrong with having a high bar. You deserve better than someone who'd talk about women this way.

People evolve; they grow up. If every time someone said or did a stupid thing in a relationship and then just got dumped and people washed their hands of them, nobody would ever learn anything. A particular friend of my ex was an absolute t*** when I first met him, but over the 10 years I knew him he turned into a thoroughly nice bloke and a devoted dad.

Maybe smoking cannabis all day on the sofa in the front garden of my council house while my sixteen children from sixteen fathers run around has impaired my judgement, but I just think a cringe best man speech is not immediate cause for a breakup of an otherwise good relationship.

It’s not the best speech in the world, but they made a choice they thought was appropriate and apparently the audience received it well. Yes, I would hope my partner would be able to summon better material than strap-ons and ripping into him about old haunts, but I would not be calling divorce lawyers if he did.

I much more respect someone who tried to write a funny speech and got it wrong, than someone who just put “ best man speech” into AI which is what most BM speeches I’ve been to recently sound like, but maybe that’s a low-born way of thinking.