Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

I think you need to raise your bar if you enjoy such heart-warming and hilarious anecdotes. I am so relieved this is not my norm, even if it is for you and your social circle.

Do you enjoy this humour? Is this what you go for in a man?
‘Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.’

One word, disgusting!

People overreact so much on here.

The whole point of a best man speech is to embarrass the best man before praising him, and to be humorous.

Most people aren’t natural speech writers or speakers and find the whole thing hard.

Maybe it was overly sexual to some people’s tastes, but it was a very artificial situation. And he explained to the OP afterwards that it didn’t reflect his actual values.

Would people genuinely split with a long term loving, otherwise respectful partner, over one speech like that? If you reverse it and your humour missed the mark one day, would you be happy to be so harshly judged?

I wasn't sure as to how to vote on this:

I don't think it indicates he'll be abusive - which is the context where I usually see the phrase red flag, but it would turn me off him.

No sense of occasion, into lad culture, probably, depending on the social circles he mixes in lights his own farts with his rugger chums or talks about 'footie' a lot.

Abusive? Not necessarily.
Complete turn - off? Absolutely!!!

Well you know what kind of best man speech DP’s friend will be giving at your wedding in the future. Would you be embarrassed when you’re the bride and it’s your family listening? You might want to think about eloping IF you think it was a one off for DP and still want to marry him.

Yes I would. NOT because I'd think he was abusive but because it would give me the so-called ick.

Way too far and inappropriate. We aren’t in the 70s anymore

Don't let any of his 'friends' be best man if you ever should get married to him.

It was very distasteful and unnecessarily crude, I'm sure it was upsetting for at least some people there and totally inappropriate in front of children, apart from that you can unclench.

Errr no it's not par for the course on best man's speeches.

It's completely gross and tasteless.

Me and DH would both have been fuming if anyone gave a speech like that at our wedding... but we don't really have friends like that, so it never would have happened.

It would definitely make me question the relationship.

@Molsmol8 to be honest, his speech was hideous and it could have ruined the bride and groom’s day. It probably did dampener it for their parents too.

How dare he!

If that happened at my sons wedding I’d be having strong words with him about the company he keeps and I’d suggest he didn’t have that person around his wife unless he wants to be eventually divorced.

Oh god this happened at my cousin's wedding except it was the FATHER OF THE BRIDE. He ended his speech by throwing a handful of condoms at the bridegroom! Ironically the bride's family saw themselves as so much 'better' than my working class family. My lovely modest polite grandparents were there, and were absolutely appalled and upset.

Not surprisingly the marriage did not last

Im 61 so Ive seen a few weddings here and there. When I married my first husband I'd only met his best man twice. He was a prat and my family were horrified / amazed that my husband knew someone like that well enough to ask him to be his best man. Apparently they'd agreed to be each others best men years and years before so my husband chose to honour that. The speech wasn't rude or crude ( my father would have stopped it mid speech if it was going that way) it was just embarrassingly awful. Turned out my husband ( now my exhusband of 30 years) was also a prat and had been 'cos playing' as a nice middle class accountant for the 10 years we were together. Once we had children it was all too exhausting for him to keep up and he reverted to the lying,cheating, grubby little worm he really was. As often said on mumsnet' when someone shows you who they really are, believe them'.

Yes, I genuinely would.

Weddings are a family environment which most of the time children are present at.

It's completely inappropriate. There's a mid ground between a little bit of edgy humour which might not be to everyone's taste (ok), vs talking about anal sex and strap ons in front of kids at a family event (absolutely not ok).

And why would you give a speech which don't reflect your values anyway? - What a weird and disingenuous thing to do.

I think that’s really grim. I would be mortified if my partner spoke like that.

Stay classy…

😳

Wow! Crude is never funny! If you don’t know how to conduct yourself, I don’t believe you have any right to think of yourself as better than anyone.

I like how relevant he is with his speeches. Vicki Pollard was about two decades ago and Jabba the Hutt a practical lifetime ago.

Awful. I've never been to a wedding like this and wouldn't find it funny in the least. I'd be embarrassed for everyone, including the person delivering the speech who thought it showed off his insight and wit. It doesn't. Read the room and ditch the toilet humour.

@onesinglepringle ,

‘Weddings are a family environment which most of the time children are present at.

It's completely inappropriate.

And why would you give a speech which don't reflect your values anyway? - What a weird and disingenuous thing to do.’

I am assuming that it was adults only. Were there children present, it would be beyond the pale.

But people often write speeches based on books (or prob AI these days, it’s years since I attended a wedding!)

Age and context also matter. If they are rugger chums a few years out of uni, I can easily imagine that kind of speech.

And it wouldn’t reflect his values because he was trying to make it funny, which doesn’t come naturally to most people.

I still think that it is a reason to have a discussion, not to instantly split.

This would be a massive turn off for me

I've been to quite a few weddings in my long life, including in the 70s, and never heard anything like that speech, thank goodness.

Gross. Did he think the room only consisted of misogynists?

Men like this get on my wick.

They'll talk about the 'ball and chain', their 'man caves' and so on.

Making themselves sound like utter losers whose wife has become their replacement mummy who 'lets' them have one little room in the house and yet they were once right 'lads', 'shagging' all manner of 'triple baggers' who they were deeply contemptuous of.

Did that idiot who made the comment about the 'want sock' not realise that he was telling the whole room that the groom lacked any prowess with women? What a stupid tw*t.

Jeez, OP.
How can you ever fancy him after this?