Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

Id not want to be seen with him after this.

You know what’s coming at your wedding if you marry this man!

That alone is enough to pull the plug on this relationship.

None of that is appropriate at a family oriented wedding, it would be ott even at an 18+ no family just friends wedding.

It also lets you know exactly what you could be in for at your own wedding if the groom is to be your dp's best man!

Criticism of a womans looks = bully
Bringing up someones sexual preferences = rude and out of line
The embarrassing story = humiliating someone intentionally, bully
Questioning the brides motives for marrying him = rude and on her wedding day!?

I couldn't be with someone that tone deaf, rude and inappropriate, never mind his opinions on women.

Keep clenching…

I think is a true colours showing type moment. He has given you an insight into how he acts away from you. Don't ignore it.

The only word that comes to mind is vile.

I wouldn't marry him.

I'd chuck this clown immediately if I were you. The mask has dropped off and he sounds like a stupid little boy.

@Molsmol8 I am going to say that I doubt if either family unit found it "funny". Personally, I've never seen the humor in humiliating, degrading "jokes" filled with homophobia and misogyny. Maybe that's just me (though I doubt it).
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There are more red flags than a Chinese New Year parade with your DP. Please think very carefully about whether he is worth it. IMHO--he is not.

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

He sounds really vulgar. Childish lavatory humour. I wouldn't want anything to do with such a person, let alone have him as a life partner.

But people have different standards, I suppose.

My feelings are often best expressed by David Rose

It's just a best man speech. It's banter and I would just forget it

Yeah a few people said that. We have freedom of speech in this country.

So do you agree the speech was just peachy and nothing to concern yourself with? or do you just want to throw our 'isms' and phobics' in lieu of a genuine point?

I'm not sure that it's a red flag that he'll be abusive.
It's not fair to say that.

BUT...
It would turn me off him. I can't stand this sort of stuff, and it's so inappropriate, I also don't like all boys together attitude.

I guess the fact that it grossed you out is your answer. Some would find it ok, but if you don’t you don’t. He’s showing who he is, believe him and decide if you want to stay.

Like you, I'd be squirming too, other people seem Okay with these things. I think for me the Jabba the Hut is just inappropriate for a wedding, fine for a stag and bowel movements have no place in a wedding speech, ever.

I agree you should split but that’s more so he can find someone who isn’t shocked by his sense of humour.

Puerile, immature, and embarrassing. You can do better.

Yeah we can have freedom of speech and people
can still be classist cunts.

I posted very early in the thread saying I’ve heard a lot worse at weddings and the speech wouldn’t have bothered me at all. It’s genuinely such a shock to see how the majority on Mumsnet live such sheltered lives.

Were there children at the wedding?

Well I went to one a few weeks ago, it was DH’s colleague which makes it a bit more embarrassing. His best man alluded to his dry spell ending with his wife so he shouldn’t be needing his wank socks anymore, then he pulled a sock from his pocket and chucked it at him. Everyone was laughing but I found it vulgar. Oh and this was not a child free wedding.

Would it have bothered you if it was all said in front of your young kids?

Why would it? If they’re young enough for it to be a problem it would go over their heads. It’s horribly tasteless though.

Honestly no.

If my kid was present and were to mention it I would’ve told them “we don’t say swear words” but I genuinely wouldn’t be concerned. He’s heard worse on the streets were we live.

Yuk I’m afraid.