Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

I think we move in different circles. I don't see this at all.

So what are you going to do OP? I could not be with someone who thought that this kind of thing was acceptable. It's grim.

I’d have absolutely lost my shit if that happened at my wedding, with a room full of family, young ears and elders… I’m no prude but that’s
vile!!!

To be sure I've not been to a lot of weddings, but have never in my life heard anything but respectful humour, genuinely funny and affectionate.

Utterly horrible, and in mixed company, too.

For the OP, this man lacks judgment and I'd have good think about him. Oddly, it's the disobliging comment about the girl that sticks - why slag off a stranger in public in this manner?

God, I sound like The Dowager Countess of Grantham.

Well, now you've seen his true colours 🤮 fuck that. What an asshole.

My simple answer to the OP’s question is yes in the sense that I’d be asking myself whether I really wanted to spend my life with someone who didn't have the nous to know that a speech like that was unacceptable.
Bearing in mind what he said when she talked to him about it - there would be no best man speech at my wedding if I still chose to marry him. I wouldn’t want to spend the day worrying about what might be said

The idea of anyone talking about huge cocks in front of children actually makes my toes curl. Weird af.

😬 what a catch 🤢.

Disgusting and very immature. They sound about 12.
A couple of jokes and references to drunken antics - fine. Explicit sexual references - not fine.

Kids were present at a speech about liking it up the bum, strap ons, and shitting himself anecdotes?
Regardless of whether there was any swearing or not, if true that's seriously out of order and totally lacking in normal boundaries.

Is this him?

Best Man speech? Completed it, mate.

I thought best man speeches were supposed to be witty and funny.

That just came straight from the gutter.

What is his humour usually like?

I think the bride and guests were being polite to avoid any awkwardness.

For what it's worth, as someone who has done a few and loves a good BM speech

Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt. Possibly funny 30 yrs ago but very dated

Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite. Not great if it's a largeish family wedding with kids there.

A story about him shitting himself on a night out. Perfectly fine tale embarrassing the groom but would depend on swearing and detail

Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.
This is again attacking the groom and is a nice compliment (as someone who's also punching)

Op did he write the whole thing himself, as some of the shiftiest stuff I've heard is from stock speeches on the net and now ChatGPT.

This.

Trying to imagine my parents and grandparents faces if this had been my wedding

I'm a wedding photographer and have heard a few shocking speeches.At a recent wedding the clergyman actually left the room because it got so filthy with oral sex mentioned, outrageous cursing.
I felt so sorry for the parents of the bride who were mortified and neither bride nor groom were church attenders.The cathedral which the parents attended is breathtaking so the clergy had done them a favour by holding the wedding there.
I'd really struggle with anyone who thought that sort of speech was acceptable.

Way out of line!!!!! Our best man said just one highly inappropriate thing during his speech, but it was enough to really piss me off and I was absolutely livid with him but obviously couldn’t show it. But he knew by the reaction he got from the stoney silence from the vast majority of the guests that he had crossed a line. My DH was mortified. Interestingly the best man’s own marriage didn’t last… OP I’m speechless at what your DP did, huge red flag for me sorry 😕

No thank you.

Yeah I'd be dumping him and looking for someone with a lot more charm, charisma, intelligence and maturity. Can't stand banal toilet humour especially at an important, formal event.

Well said, completely agree. Is DP your husband?

I’m old enough to have been to a good few weddings in my time and never heard any speeches like this childish, puerile and frankly unfunny effort. I’d be really disappointed if my partner were to think delivering a speech like this was a good plan. I think it was bad judgement and poor taste.

And you said he claimed he’d toned it down?!

Glad to hear that you are not married to this man. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time". (quote from Maya Angelou).

That's much worse than I've heard at any wedding, normally it's just a funny or embarrassing story, nothing sexual or scatological! Kinda wrong when there's usually older relatives and kids at weddings.

It has nothing to do with being embarrassment because he said rude words.

The embarrassment is cringing at the complete idiot making a show of himself. And embarrassment on behalf of the OP being stuck there with this oaf.
.

I agree with you. But I think there's a huge gap between the sort of person that tells a crude and vulgar story against the brides, and the sort of person who will participate in this if it seems right.

If you want to consider both a red flag, that's your prerogative. But I think it's good to be wide-eyed about the difference, as ending a long term relationship is no small thing.

Anarchy99 is missing the point. The issue is not being embarrassed at hearing the word "cock". The embarrassment is watching this tosser making a complete fool of himself and secondary embarrassment for the OP.