Was DP’s best man speech a red flag?

[Molsmol8]

We were away for a lovely wedding this weekend - DP was one of two best men, and he had responsibility for the speech. I should qualify this by saying nearly everyone in attendance seemed to be laughing through most of it, so it’s possible I will be told to ‘unclench’, so I’ve got my hard hat ready!

’Highlights’ included:

-Referring to someone his friend once pulled on a night out as a cross between Vicky Pollard and Jabba the Hutt.

-Saying he knows his friend has always liked things in his bum and turning to the bride to ask if she has a strapon in the bridal suite.

-A story about him shitting himself on a night out.

-Saying his friend is punching and questioning whether he has a ‘huge cock’.

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend and that he knows he will return the favour one day so wanted to give as good as he’ll get. It just felt a step too far for me, but as I said, I seemed in the minority.

DP said it’s par for the course for best man speeches and that it doesn’t reflect his wider views.

At my dd’swedding the best man didn’t give a speech but the bridegroom’s sister did. She said such sweet things about her new SIL, though ending up with “we all knew it was a match made in heaven because they both loved Harvey Nichols”

OMG that’s disgusting, the poor bride and family members!

Ok, if the bride was laughing and people seemed to be taking it all as a hilarious gag, then that must be the dynamic of that group and probably the families. I had an ex whose friendship group was very similar - all ‘lighting their farts on fire in the pub’ and ‘dancing round the wine bar with a pint of Guinness on their head and their cocks out’.

Note I said ‘ex’. It’s not the reason I left him but it was part of it - we were just too different.

The ‘bantz’ wasn’t for me - now my DH is both filthy and funny but lad he is not. There’s no way he’d make a speech like that. That’s why I’m with him. If it’s a hard pass for you, then think about whether this is a friendship group you want to hang out with long term. There’s nothing wrong with them, but if you’re always going to be internally eyerolling and grimacing at them, it’ll wear thin quite quickly, I’d assume:

His defence after was that he had tried to make things as uncomfortable as possible for his friend

Why would a decent human being want to do that to a close friend though? Is it because he wants to humiliate him because he "won" the girl and your dp didn't?

No, it is an English lower class, uneducated thing.

So Prince Charles was uneducated lower class when he, in his speech at his son's William's wedding was saying 'they were practicing enough, it was time to get married'? I thought it was typically upper-class crass.

Immediate dump from me. This sort of "humour" is a hard no for me. Number 1 - a wedding is a family event. Number 2 - I don't find these kind of "jokes" funny at all so the relationship would be dead in the water anyway.

That was a lot more subtle than talking about big cocks and shitting yourself. Can’t you see the difference? Not that I’m defending either of them. But to be fair, the Royal Family is not known for its intelligence, so I see where you’re coming from. Charles was the one who had the disgusting conversation about tampons with Camilla whilst married to Diana, wasn’t he, so I wouldn’t hold him to any high standard at all. Oh, yes, now I see what you’re saying, I’m sorry. Yes, you’re right, it’s just vile, no class involved.

They are not the only men finding relationships. Obviously.

Have you told your partner that you’ve been thinking and you’d be absolutely horrified if there were a speech like that at your wedding?

Not good at all. Very poor, tasteless and what about children present? Best man speech isn't to say the most tacky, dreadful things.

Grim. In the bin.

You must feel so ashamed.

Grim. And not not at all normal. It isnt 1973!

Why are so many men such utter dicks?
Stupid male banter is totally inappropriate at a wedding, even if most guests are young - and if any older relatives were there they will likely have been appalled.

@Anarchy99

I find a lot of your posts contrary for what seems like no reason.

You'd be happy with the kids in the family and flower girls / page boys etc hearing about cocks and strap ons and adults sh*tting themselves?

Really?

DH's BM basically insulted both of us during his speech. A comment which inc me marrying DH for money.
I've not spoken to BM since.
BM crude jokes are just not good IMO.

If everyone was laughing there was context and it is the best Mans job to make the groom uncomfortable. It's ladish yes but I couldn't get worked up about it

@Molsmol8 OP, if you’re still reading, please do not let anonymous strangers on the internet influence you into feeling “ashamed”.

You have nothing to be ashamed about.

In the real-world, a “best man speech” should not be the be all or end all in a relationship.

You know him better than any of us do on here. And your partners will know the bride and groom better than any of us do on here.

Most people do want to laugh at best man's speeches and some people do like cruel and outrageous humour if they are not the target.

Still sounds gross

@BeetrootLentilsGoatsCheese They are not the only men finding relationships. Obviously.

Though they are exceptionally good at it. How many 'lads' have you seen with partners, while actually managing to attract 1 or 2 other women at the same time? Whereas a very large minority of men who are not 'lads' are single as no women are attracted to them.

Why are you even with this repellent oaf, OP? Is being single really so awful by comparison?

Yuck 🤢

These type always find some women to go out with them.
The pick me girls.

MN is full of posters that love to bend themselves out of shape defending the very worst of male behaviour.

Weddings are special days that gather those you care about most, of all ages, and cost so much money.

Very normal not to want to be at the top table having to get through a vile speech that is likely to shock some people, embarrass those that care about the bride, mortify her parents and piss off those with children there listening.

I would be absolutely mortified to be at a wedding with someone who would deliberately want to cause embarrassment for the bride, groom and their families.

His behaviour is not normal at all.
It comes across as very nasty.
No way would someone who genuinely cared about them as a couple be so determined to sour the day.

He has shown you an ugly mean side to who he is.

You would be wise to think long and hard about what a future might look like with someone who cares so little about those around him.

I would actually laugh at all this if it had been in a setting with friends only. Said in front of family and children I think it was really inappropriate. I wouldn't want to have to explain to a young child what a strap on is.. and some elderly family members might have been offended.

My older relatives were agog and aghast that the best man was seen to take a nip or two from a hip flask at my niece's wedding. He made a lovely speech however, mentioned how beautiful the bride was and how loved up the couple were. The raciest thing he said was a very tame story about a trip to Amsterdam with the groom involving cannabis. God knows what the older relatives would have made of the speech in the OP. Totally inappropriate and grim.