AIBU to think the birthday weekend away counts as her gift?

[Kotor8]

We’re a group of 6 friends who are all celebrating a big birthday this year. A few of us have had them already and been gifted a gift of £150 ish (split by the group). The ones who have already celebrated have thrown their own party.
One friend wanted to go away for the weekend with us and some of her other friends so we’ve spent £140 on accommodation each and will obviously spend more bringing food/drink etc. She has chosen everything and we just sent over money.

AIBU that this is her gift? I think I must be as a couple of the other ladies have said we need to get her a present as well… am I being a tightwad?

Ooh that’s a tough one. If it was just you guys going away then I might say it was but if there are other friends going too then I can see how this ‘gift’ wouldn’t just be from your group and so people might still want to get something. But I can also see it feels like you are paying twice. Maybe suggest spending slightly less on her actual gift

I think yes you get a gift for her - doesn’t have to be expensive.

I’m generally a tightwad, but you definitely need to get her a gift. The money you are spending on accommodation/food etc is on yourself. Did you take/buy drinks or anything to the other people’s parties? The holiday is just an extended party.

No it’s not her gift, it’s a trip for you too. And if you didn’t want to go that’s on you to pull out.

Have you all paid for her to go on the trip?

if so, yes that’s her gift

if not then no

The trip was originally presented as free and then once booked we were asked to pay so I felt like it was too late to back out.
But I very much accept I am being unreasonable and gift will be bought!

How was it presented as free?

Her parents were gifting her money to cover her birthday celebrations. I think this has happened but she’s chosen to do something more expensive so we’ve paid the remainder

So if each persons share is 140 and you pay an extra say 20 wouldn't that pay for her share? I can see your point but you're paying for your own weekend away

I would put together witn your friends and get her a joint present, i don't know if you assumed or she said about her parents paying, it hasn't worked out as hoped but it is still a bit of money spent already, i would get her a memento gift from you all so it isn't as expensive

Have you paid for her?

It's only a gift if you've paid for her place, if not then it's a weekend away to celebrate her birthday that you are also getting to enjoy.

It sounds like she (or rather her parents) have subsidised your holiday. That's a gift to you, not to her!

Yes, of course you should still get her a birthday gift, and a jolly generous one too since she's paying for a chunk of your holiday.

You sound extremely tight.

Yes of course you should get her a gift. You cant seriously think her birthday gift should be that you go away with her? Especially when it appears her parents have subsidised a lovely break for you. Thats serious CF territory there.

If you have paid her share of the trip then for me that would count towards her birthday present but I would still get a special card and meaningful gift but maybe a bit cheaper then if you haven’t paid her share.

She hasn't paid Birthday Girl's share. In fact, quite the opposite, her own costs are being subsidised by Birthday Girl's parents.

OP seems to think that accepting a cheap break away, mostly paid for by Birthday Girl's parents is some how a gift! Literally she thinks her presence (that they are paying towards) is a present to her.

OP is both arrogant and tight.

I’d definitely be getting her a decent gift then as the costs paid by the OP are for her own part of the subsidised holiday.

Token big box of Maltesers and a bottle of M&S bubble bath?

Whilst accepting a subsidised trip, plus a £150 birthday present herself? So embarrassingly tight.

OP should be giving this friend, who has generously subsidised her holiday, a very nice present indeed, not an insulting token gift.

It’s renting out 2 apartments about an hour away for the weekend. I’m absolutely not normally tight at all. I think I just came from the angle if I’d ask everyone to spend £200 on a weekend to celebrate me I wouldn’t expect a gift on top of that.
I accept this is weird and a gift is being purchased!!

Defo get her something to open 😊

I don't really understand how you even thought that you going away with someone and paying for YOUR share could be her gift.

This. The only way you have already got her a gift is if you have paid for her weekend away .
This is not a ‘ your presence is the present’ situation.

I think you are being very tight

She's subsidising a weekend away you have chosen to go on, so absolutely not a gift for her.

Yes, you get her a gift.