AIBU to think the birthday weekend away counts as her gift?

55 replies

Kotor8 · 28/07/2026 07:38

We’re a group of 6 friends who are all celebrating a big birthday this year. A few of us have had them already and been gifted a gift of £150 ish (split by the group). The ones who have already celebrated have thrown their own party.
One friend wanted to go away for the weekend with us and some of her other friends so we’ve spent £140 on accommodation each and will obviously spend more bringing food/drink etc. She has chosen everything and we just sent over money.

AIBU that this is her gift? I think I must be as a couple of the other ladies have said we need to get her a present as well… am I being a tightwad?

OP posts:

dontmalbeconme · 30/07/2026 09:47

Kotor8 · 30/07/2026 09:21

@dontmalbeconme no I did accept as I love my friend and want to spend time with them.

I only started this thread as I said if I had known people had spent a lot of money for them to attend something to celebrate me I personally wouldn’t expect a gift. The gift for me would be everyone making the effort to come to together to do what I wanted to celebrate with me.

From this thread I understand that’s an unusual view to have but I don’t think makes me a bad friend

You spent money on a trip for you, because you wanted to go on a trip.

Your friend's parents also spent money on a trip for you, for which you should be extremely grateful.

Your friend and her parents sound extremely generous. You on the other hand sound tight, grabby and ungrateful.

99bottlesofkombucha · 30/07/2026 09:51

Kotor8 · 28/07/2026 08:06

Her parents were gifting her money to cover her birthday celebrations. I think this has happened but she’s chosen to do something more expensive so we’ve paid the remainder

She’s subsiding you going?? You need a gift!!

MellersSmellers · 30/07/2026 11:57

tfu · 28/07/2026 07:41

I think yes you get a gift for her - doesn’t have to be expensive.

If it was me, I would love to have a weekend away with my friends and would most certainly treat that as the gift. A birthday cake and some fizz at some point over the weekend would be nice to mark the occasion, nothing more

TorroFerney · 30/07/2026 12:27

ShetlandishMum · 28/07/2026 18:50

Tbh I agree but would bring something inexpensive.

And I say no to most of these things. £200 for a weekend (+ food? + transport?) is a lot already and then £ to a present too.

Edited

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I think this is a valid point. Op you are describing things like you have no agency - when the free weekend was suddenly not anymore then that was when you could have said you didn’t want to spend the money so you’d give it a miss.

KiwiFall · 30/07/2026 12:44

I think people are being unkind to you a bit. I am assuming another £150 is a considerable amount to you (as is for most people).

You thought the trip was going to be free (a present from her family) so in that scenario you would have paid £150 no problem for a separate gift.

Now you have to pay £140 for this trip. Other friends have paid for their own party or whatever they wanted to do.

I would buy a gift but if you can’t afford to spend another £150 then just be honest with her, if a friend she should understand and just buy something for her to open or some champagne.

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