AIBU to think the birthday weekend away counts as her gift?

[Kotor8]

We’re a group of 6 friends who are all celebrating a big birthday this year. A few of us have had them already and been gifted a gift of £150 ish (split by the group). The ones who have already celebrated have thrown their own party.
One friend wanted to go away for the weekend with us and some of her other friends so we’ve spent £140 on accommodation each and will obviously spend more bringing food/drink etc. She has chosen everything and we just sent over money.

AIBU that this is her gift? I think I must be as a couple of the other ladies have said we need to get her a present as well… am I being a tightwad?

Tbh I agree but would bring something inexpensive.

And I say no to most of these things. £200 for a weekend (+ food? + transport?) is a lot already and then £ to a present too.

It's not entirely weird. I invited people for a European break for my last big birthday. Didn't really expect anyone to go but I was thrilled that they did and I made it clear that gifts were not required (not least because I only had Easyjet carry-on allowance 😄).

Then again I've been on holidays for other people and have bought gifts.

So I'm no help whatsoever!

To be fair it’s not clear from your op or subsequent posts that the birthday girl is indeed expecting presents but it’s customary to bring a present for a birthday celebration. I’m quite surprised this is a question being asked tbh!
Hope it’s a lot of fun though!

This. It all depends if she paid for her own trip or if the group paid for her as birthday girl.

Not sure if we are paying to cover her or not. She’s chosen the accommodation then asked us to transfer. Also not sure if she’s expecting a gift.
I can see others point of view, I just thought it creates a bit of an imbalance as we can’t afford to do this for everyone’s birthday

Wow, so birthday girl is in fact subsidising others on trip. Definitely you buy her a gift.

But you're not paying this for her, you're paying (part of) the cost of a weekend away for you, food and drinks for you, and activities for you.

but it is kinda for her as we’re paying to make sure she has the celebration she wants. Interesting that the voting is 50/50. Anyway I’ve said a couple of times that a gift is being bought

Your saying that your weekend away is her gift???

Absolutely give her a present! More so as you’re a receiving a subsidized trip.

No it’s not her gift. You get the benefit of staying in the accommodation, eating the food etc : you’re paying for your own stuff! And it sounds like she had subsidised you, too

Yeah get her a gift too - you will be benefitting from the trip and the food/drink bought so not really her gift at all.

Yes. Get her a box of chocolates.
You've forked out enough.

This post has made me realise that in the year, me and my 5 friends turned 40 we bought everyone else a gift except for me. However we went to benidorm for my 40th but for others, we went to northern ireland and london, and then for 2 of the group we had a joint weekend in manchester, which was very cheap because that's where most of us are from, including me.

Anyway the gift isn't the issue i was delighted everyone came

I think get her something small and sentimental. You’re going to have a fun weekend away with your friends, you’re not paying for something you don’t want to do. Her bday is just the excuse for this weekend away.

If somebody organised me a weekend away ie: accommodation, transport, food etc and all I had to do was send over £200 id be chuffed to bits. Surely you’re just turning up to have a bloody good time in the name of her birthday! If you begrudged going you should have declined the invite!

Id be getting her a gift, and probably a bunch of flowers for her to say thanks for organising.

Put all this to the back of your mind and enjoy every second!

you are a cheapscape, at least get her a colin the caterpillar

So she is paying at least partially for you to go away, with her parents money? She is subsiding you and you don't want to buy a gift?

Get a gift.

Oh yes, you are so kind to allow her to pay for part of your trip away.

No, it's no "for her". It's for everyone going.

It’s her parents paying - they are also gifting her a property in France as her other birthday gift. Another friend of ours has just had surprise twins and struggling to afford nursery fees. The imbalance was what I was querying - I’m surprised people can’t understand how spending £200+ for one person is slightly unfair to the rest of the group.
I’ve bought her a hamper from her favourite shop so it’s all been sorted now.

So you all usually end up with a joint gift around £150 for your birthdays but this friend has had each person spend £200 to celebrate with a weekend away and gifts on top? And the £200 was only requested/mentioned after the trip was booked?
I’d say she’s a cheeky cow 😂 she had a birthday weekend away paid for by her parents (who have also bought her a holiday home?!) but she used their money to turn it into a more expensive trip which now needs reimbursing from her friends. 100% cheeky cow.

You're not spending £200 on her, you are spending it on YOU. How are you not grasping this?

You realise you didn't have to accept the subsidised holiday if you didn't want to?

You sound jealous and a bad friend tbh

@dontmalbeconme no I did accept as I love my friend and want to spend time with them.

I only started this thread as I said if I had known people had spent a lot of money for them to attend something to celebrate me I personally wouldn’t expect a gift. The gift for me would be everyone making the effort to come to together to do what I wanted to celebrate with me.

From this thread I understand that’s an unusual view to have but I don’t think makes me a bad friend

Why don’t you all chip in for a bunch of flowers and take a nice photo of you all when you’re there and get a frame for it.