AIBU to expect husband to stay up with the baby too?

[SpeedyBulletTrain]

Feeling quite resentful atm so just want to know if my feelings are unreasonable or not.

We had a long family day out yesterday with our 2 DD (4 and 6 months). We all went to bed late and woke up late this morning. It's messed up the baby's schedule and now she's wide awake and not likely to go to sleep before 11pm. Husband has taken himself off to play PlayStation and I'm left entertaining a grumpy baby.

I just feel like it's very unfair that he can carry on with his alone time but i have to continue to parent and not have any evening myself. Doesn't help that I've had a stressful day home alone with both kids today. I've parented solo all day and now into the evening too, baby is up several times in the night as well and that's all on me too (breastfeeding, I am generally happy with the nighttime stuff but it is still hard).

His argument is that he only wants one night a week gaming (fine, but he could do another night when the baby is actually in bed), he told his friend he'd be on (his friend is literally on every evening) and he has game challenges that expire tonight. I suppose there's no point in both of us having our evening disturbed but it is ALWAYS me up with the kids when this happens. He makes me seem very unreasonable in my annoyance.

AIBU?

I'd hand the baby over and go to bed. Tell him to wake you if the baby needs feeding.

I say this gently and with kindness, if you do not say anything to him about this he will carry on doing it. You need to be assertive about what you need him to do.

have you said no, and stood your ground? I found a long bath behind a locked bathroom door to be very useful for setting a boundary.

‘Here we are darling, baby wants to play’

He's being a twat. If, as you say, it's always you doing it, and he insists on 'his' night, then yes, it's unfair. You should both get a night of 'alone time' if possible; if not, then you share what possibility of alone time there is.

Why does he think he deserves it and you don't?

I can never get over that grown men gaming instead of been part of the family. I would expect this behaviour from my 13 year old not my husband

Agreed! Parents of young children don’t game - they don’t have time!

If baby won’t be asleep until 11, at 9.30 hand baby to him and say you need to do something and baby is still awake, lock yourself in the bathroom and have a bath.

Have to disagree with the parents of young children don't game. They can and do, just as much as any other hobby and in a normal healthy relationships they also take the baby so the other parent can do something they enjoy.

OP it’s annoying he’s left you to do it all tonight but you also need to make sure you have time for you too. Speak to him and pick a night you want off this week and take some time for you.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but stop being such a wet blanket and tell him to parent his child equally.

My DP also like some video game time but never at the expense of me or the kids. It's possible to do both.

Most weeks he does his gaming night and I'll watch TV alone, that's fine and I can relax. But when things don't go to plan it is always me picking up the slack. He doesn't even question it. I messaged him and he said he would stay with the baby but can't because he told his friend he'll play and he has challenges to do. He's in his gaming room talking to friends on a headset so I can't confront him with them listening. I can't dump my baby on the floor while he's playing shooting games.

Quite a lot do. Some gamers include that woman from The Mole whose name escapes me, but it contradicts the stereotype that all gamers are male, not sporty, shy, socially awkward and not conventionally attractive.
Nothing wrong with it as long as both parents get the chance to do it if they want to. Some of the gamers I know take their baby in the room they're playing in, while their partner sleeps (obviously they watch the baby and do the feeds/nappies etc too).

@SpeedyBulletTrain of course you can interrupt him. He’s gaming not performing brain surgery.

Expiring challenges are apparently more important to him than helping to look after his own baby.
Doesn’t sound like healthy gaming as a hobby!

Surely parents of small children don’t have time for gaming !
Anyway whatever your opinion on gaming is - id freak out at this very unfair aspect of your life. All of this child-free alone time for gaming DH gets ?!! Wtf. I wouldn’t stand for it.
i also do night wakes as breastfeeding so my husbands tends to do the late evenings and early mornings if he’s not away with work (we’ve three small boys) luckily he doesn’t own a game console. I’ve always found men who game a massive turn off.

Both me and my husband game…you can very much do it with a 4 month old in your arms..as much as you can vacuum and cook dinner with them in a sling…mobile baby is more challenging but 4 month olds absolutely doable, so he just needs to take baby with him to get his challenges, while you have a break.

I actually think given this particular hobby/ commitment is one day a week yabu.
Whether things are equal, balanced and respectful between you two the rest of the week is an entirely different question imo.
Both of you should have able to have one evening a week to yourself.

I've told him that he's just as responsible for being up late woth the baby as I am. He said I can leave the baby with him while he games. He knows I won't because I don't want her watching/hearing the game 🙃 And she won't be happy with no interaction, then I'll be called for when she's upset.

I'm fine with gaming when the children are asleep. It is usually only one or two nights a week and I know it's important to him.

@Pinkflamingo10 All of this child-free alone time for gaming DH gets ?!! Wtf. I wouldn’t stand for it.

It’s one evening out of 7, not hours daily. Do you not think parents should be able to do anything ever?

Why can't baby be around the game?? A baby isn't going to get scared etc by a game?

FFS . These guys are so pathetic. Playing games instead of being a responsible father . Grow the fuck up .

My DD is 6 months old and crawling, the room isn't baby-proofed and I don't her watching the TV. I used to game a fair amount but I haven't been interested since my first was born.

I don't want her having any kind of screen time, even if its passive. I don't like the idea of her listening to gunshots etc. It sets me on edge as an adult.

No, put the baby on his lap and walk away.

He’s pathetic.

But you are letting him do this. I know it’s hard but you need to let him know this is not acceptable behaviour.

always the same crap on MN that parents of young children shouldn’t do anything but stare at their children 24/7. And if you dare have a hobby or go out to meet friends your selfish immature etc etc 🙄

@SpeedyBulletTrain he’s entitled to have down time just as you are. If you are in need of down time now or he’s not pulling his weight tell him. Give him
the baby and take a bath

He probably gets aggressive and swears while playing.

OP turn the WiFi off