AIBU to expect husband to stay up with the baby too?

[SpeedyBulletTrain]

Feeling quite resentful atm so just want to know if my feelings are unreasonable or not.

We had a long family day out yesterday with our 2 DD (4 and 6 months). We all went to bed late and woke up late this morning. It's messed up the baby's schedule and now she's wide awake and not likely to go to sleep before 11pm. Husband has taken himself off to play PlayStation and I'm left entertaining a grumpy baby.

I just feel like it's very unfair that he can carry on with his alone time but i have to continue to parent and not have any evening myself. Doesn't help that I've had a stressful day home alone with both kids today. I've parented solo all day and now into the evening too, baby is up several times in the night as well and that's all on me too (breastfeeding, I am generally happy with the nighttime stuff but it is still hard).

His argument is that he only wants one night a week gaming (fine, but he could do another night when the baby is actually in bed), he told his friend he'd be on (his friend is literally on every evening) and he has game challenges that expire tonight. I suppose there's no point in both of us having our evening disturbed but it is ALWAYS me up with the kids when this happens. He makes me seem very unreasonable in my annoyance.

AIBU?

@SpeedyBulletTrain
You say you all got up late. Is your husband working at all?

I'm happy for him to have a game night, that's not the issue. I just think he should move it to tomorrow/when the baby goes to bed.

Then talk to him you’d be surprised what that can do 😊

@SpeedyBulletTrain oh and my comment wasn’t aimed at you btw but the idiot commenters on here.

So he is willing to look after his baby? You're just choosing to stay up with the baby instead?

If he thinks it's fine for the baby to be in a room with the TV on then he's allowed to do that while he's responsible for the baby. If you want him to be an equal parent, then he gets to make the decisions while he's in charge. If you'd rather stay up with the baby to avoid a screen in the room then that's your choice.

Yes. He got up late and went straight to work. He didn't have time this morning to help with the kids either so feels like I've been the only one on duty all day which is probably making me feel worse about this. He gets home, dinner, he bathed the baby while I entertained the 4yo. Then it was bedtime which we take 1 kid each for, but the baby woke and is still wide awake.

"Ive told my friends i'll play"
"I have missions to do"
What a fucking drip. He sounds like a teeanger. He's playing a game, not been drafted in to help with WW3.

No TV is something we decided together. I guess gaming right now is more important to him. The room is also in no way baby proofed. He knows I'll prioritise baby.

@SpeedyBulletTrain You are absolutely right to prioritise your baby, and he should be doing the same. Why can he game but you don't get a break?
When do you return to work? Hopefully things might even out a bit then (although of course they might not).

And he'll continue to let you prioritise the baby until you make him take a turn.

I’d call his bluff and put baby in the room and walk off. He is bluffing because he knows you won’t leave baby with him. He won’t be able to game and babysit and he will soon be back upstairs to get you. Do you really think he would allow his child to come to harm to spite you? If so you have bigger problems.

Perhaps you need to limit his screen time or confiscate his console 🤦🏽‍♀️

does he want to be part of a family or is he happy acting like a child?

Are YOU having a night off a week?

Because that's the issue. He's not wrong to want a night baby-free, but you should get the same.

He's wrong if he's not parenting, it should be shared 50/50.

Of course they do if that's their hobby. It's very important to have time to do whatever you want to do. Every minute of every day is not taken up with kids/babies. Even when I had 2 young kids I made time for seeing friends, exercise, whatever kept me sane. OP's OH however is being very selfish to just take himself off & assume OP will carry on looking after the lo

You need your guaranteed evening off too.

Since you're up in the night with the baby, he needs to do the bulk of the weekend parenting and he also needs to take a lot of the home burden off your shoulders - cleaning, laundry, etc.

I have a really poor opinion of a grown man - a father, no less - who puts Playstation games ahead of his partner and children on his list of priorities.

Well, you’re not really helping yourself then are you? You can leave the baby with him while he games, you just don’t want to. Having said that, I don’t get the adults of either sex gaming at all. But if that’s his thing, get the room baby proofed and leave them with him!

He is taking the piss.

Get that room baby proofed. Hand him the baby. Leave the house.

The two of you need to have a serious conversation on the topic of responsibilities as adults.

All you have to do is let him call til the cows come home when the baby gets upset that he's giving her no attention.

You do not arrive at the door of the gaming room (! Wtaf) !) to rescue the baby from her neglectful father or let this pathetic immature man shirk his responsibilities.

If the baby is in his physical care he has to actively parent her.

I am sorry you are stuck with such a man child. I think you need to have a serious talk about the division of work at home but I would firstly have a very serious chat about gaming and ensure that gaming only takes place when both children are asleep regardless of online friends, expiring contest tokens or any other crap like that. His family come first.

You absolutely could take the baby in there.