AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

[sweeel]

Basically, my 17 year old daughter wants to go to watch the new Spider-Man movie at 845pm this Wednesday, and she's going to the town about a thirty minute drive from us because that's where her friend is (and this is a town we are very familiar with etc. we used to live here but it's still obviously not super near as a local cinema).

She'll reach there by about 730 and hang out with her friend for a bit till the movie but the movie is about 2 hours 20 mins + adverts so I don't think it'll be finished till close to 12am. Then I have to go and collect her and I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...

She booked this time because all the other times were sold out and she wanted to see it specifically on opening night but I'm having serious doubts.

What exactly could possibly happen between the cinema doors, and your car, OP?

She’s 17 but you’re treating her more like a 12 year old… I’m not exaggerating! How will you cope when in a year she’ll very likely be partying abroad with her mates until the small hours!

By you helicoptering as a parent at that age, you risk creating a daughter who hasn’t developed personal responsibility or a sense of managing risk… You’re overprotectiveness risks being completely counterproductive.

How is her telling me she is going to this bar, or that restaurant, or this club going to keep her safe? I’ll be at home and hopefully in bed when she’s in any of them. She’s not a child, she’s 17.

What will keep her safe is what I have taught her to do. Stay with your friends, always have your phone charged, watch your drink at all times, 9/10 blokes are creeps, stay on well lit pavements, only use black cabs with meters on or Ubers etc etc.

She’ll be travelling the world on her own on her gap year this time next year. Is she going to tell me every bar and restaurant she’s going to then?

She's 17! She can go out whatever time she likes. She could have kids of her own at her age ffs.

Yes it is. It’s much safer now!

True We certainly didn't have phones to ring home, get directions or call an uber

And my youngest is 23 It's hardly THAT long ago they were 17

Teenagers today are no more likely to face physical harm from a stranger than they were 20 years ago. The different times we are living in are the digital times where ironically the biggest risk to most teenagers lives in their pocket. Online risks like cyberbullying, exposure to porn, revenge porn, scams, social media and the mental health issues it creates, addiction to constant stimulation, etc are greater risks to most teenagers than physical risks. Obviously there are exceptions but I don’t get the impression this particular teenager is involved in gang violence or is going to the cinema in an area where knife crime is disproportionately high.

Jonathan Haidt said it perfectly when he said we are overprotecting teenagers in the real world and underprotecting them in the virtual world and wondering why we have an anxious generation of young adults.

You weren't just asking, your instinct was not to let her go, and you need to seriously think about starting to treat her as the near adult she is. Your post wasn't generally asking fir views, you said "I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late"

Park up outside the cinema and collect her as soon as the film is over ?

If your issue was about having to go and get her at midnight, I'd say that it's fine to object. But she's 17 and you're worried that she's going to be out until almost midnight? That's. VVVVU

We were doing this in the UK too lol

What do you actually think is more dangerous now?

For example I was 17 about 20 years ago. 17yo me didn't have a mobile phone and neither did my parent so if I was out and wanted to contact them I'd have to find a pay phone which worked, some change and hope parent was at home and not using house phone.

17yo now can share location with mum the entire night, should they please.

What do you think, in this scenario, is more dangerous than "when I was 17"?

It’s not different times at all. 🤣

My 17 year old is going to the Baltics next week with his pals.

i also let him go to the cinema.

None of the cinemas near me have any kind of parking close by. They are in shopping centres or retail parks. Not the point of the thread I know but if DC ever goes to the cinema, I have to arrange to meet him a few streets away.

I am agog at all these cinemas with unlimited parking outside the front door.

You’re right , now they are contactable at any time, have a map and direction finder in their pocket, have access money through a quick click of a transfer, can call a taxi, check public transport times etc. much safer now.
There isn’t more crime now, it’s just that due to the internet you’re just aware of it now,and due to awareness, stuff that wouldn’t get reported to police then gets reported now.

You're kidding me? I had conservative parents and I was clubbing by 16, coming in at 4am by 17.....

Exactly. And was completely impossible for parents to contact you. They just had to hope you were planning on coming home at some point!

She's 17!!!! Course it's fine to go to a cinema at 8:45!!! She will literally be able adult in less than a year.

Do you live somewhere very dangerous?

Nearest cinema to me is in leisure park. You drive around and pull up in fill site of the entrance and the person who is being collected jumps in. You can park at far end of leisure park to wait and drive in seconds to cinema when person tells you they are leaving it

Thinking about it, I've just realised that there is one that faces out onto a car park. DCs usually go there on the bus.
I stand corrected.

Same, my mum worked in safeguarding at the local school and she still basically let me do what I want part GCSE age! 😂

Drip feed, OP lives in Caracas and her daughter is dating the son of the head of a Venezuelan cartel

If you collecting her is the only way she can get back, then YANBU if you don't want to be up so late.

If it's because you're worried about her out so late, then YABU.

No truer words were spoken. When my sons were in secondary, I always had to do the driving because most of the other parents were on the sesh and couldn't drive. I actually had one parent say, "I really like to drink after work, can you please pick up?" Like I had no social life! Well, to be fair, I really didn't, but they didn't know that! 😂

So what? If anything, these are safer times, and plenty of 17 year olds are still doing all these crazy things.