AIBU to not let my 17 year old daughter go to the cinema at this time?

[sweeel]

Basically, my 17 year old daughter wants to go to watch the new Spider-Man movie at 845pm this Wednesday, and she's going to the town about a thirty minute drive from us because that's where her friend is (and this is a town we are very familiar with etc. we used to live here but it's still obviously not super near as a local cinema).

She'll reach there by about 730 and hang out with her friend for a bit till the movie but the movie is about 2 hours 20 mins + adverts so I don't think it'll be finished till close to 12am. Then I have to go and collect her and I'm really worried about her safety of being out so late at night and I feel like I shouldn't allow her to go because it's so late and it will be dark by that time obviously even though it's summer...

She booked this time because all the other times were sold out and she wanted to see it specifically on opening night but I'm having serious doubts.

This cannot be serious? I was clubbing all over the uk and going to festivals at 17. I can’t believe you think she needs your permission. Way over dramatic.

Seriously?

This is ridiculous! 17 not 7!

If she could drive herself I wouldn’t have an issue. Dd2 was regularly out until that time at 17. I would be a bit moany about collecting her at midnight on a Wednesday if I had work the next day though.

Normally I'd say YABU.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c141x6lp8p4o

But I saw this in the news and I just felt sick. I couldn't focus at the gym because I felt too sad.

There are and have always been random weirdos. You’re still not very likely to meet one between the doors of a cinema and a car park.

I was 17 in 2012.

I had an iPhone. I could contact my parents when I needed. Social media existed. I used Facebook/Twitter/Google maps to look at news sites and for any public transport delays when getting to and from my part time job.

I can’t really think of how different the “times” were back then to what they are now. Apart from things being cheaper🤣

17 year olds need independence in order to build resilience, confidence and life skills. They can’t always rely on “mummy and daddy” to do everything for them and keep them locked up being scared of the outside world.

I just felt so sad because I told myself "you're more likely to be attacked by someone you know. Men are more likely victims of stranger violence".

I thought even Edinburgh was a perfectly safe pleasant city. And this girl was so young.

I understand your concerns. It’s very hard in this day and age, but you’ve got it covered. You’re a good mum 💐

@FaceIt

why is it harder in this day and age compared to when you were 17?

God that’s made me feel old.

I was wondering how on earth someone who was 17 in 2012 could be on mumsnet of an evening when they must be so young and fun.

Then realised that makes you in your early 30’s and makes me feel ancient!

Yep even lots of forty-something mums on here will have been 17 in the 2000s. We’re not talking about completely different times

For those of us who are 60 - maybe.

But many people on this thread will have been 17 within the last 10 years.

And many will have been parenting 17 year olds within the last 10 minutes.

And very different times in what way? Oh, before mobile phones enabled you to keep in touch with your parents or before they could see your location? Before Uber, before crime was invented?

We know more about it now, and the media and R Wing ramp it up. Ignoring the stats abut London being much safer than it was 10 years ago...for example.

17 year olds have always been 17 year olds, on the cusp of adulthood, needing to learn to be independent and out and about.

So...not rubbish.

You’re massively infantilising her.

She’s 17! She’s almost an adult. It’s only the cinema. Why does she even have to ask permission?

Your dd must be having a very different upbringing to the kids round where I live op. From about 15yo onwards, there’s a party in someone or others house most weekends. At least 30 guests each time, finish between 11pm to midnight normal. I do tend to pick my girls up, but it’s 50/50 amongst their friends with many expected to find their own way home. I know you’ve taken the comments with good grace op, but the fact that you asked the question suggests your dd is possibly years behind where she needs to be to be ready for uni etc

Honestly OP, I was driving at seventeen, so I would just have gone without having to bother a parent.

Another vote to give her some freedom. I didn’t do enough of this stuff when I was 17 living in a small village in Wales… then I moved to London for uni at 18 and did some really stupid shit cos I had zero street smarts!!

No it’s not hard in this day and age. It’s much easier. Our kids have trackers and phones, we can track them in uber, public transport in many places runs much later that it used to. It’s much easier.

Same, I was a waitress in a pub at this age, and would regularly creep back home at sunrise as the birds were singing! My Mum had me at 17 and was living with my Dad! At that age, a cinema trip with a parent waiting outside as soon as the film is finished should not be anxiety inducing.

Have you all missed that the OP is expected to pick her up at midnight?

That’s a different scenario.

Because the OP is expected to pick her up. Is this a thread of Russian bots?

That wasn't the point of the OP though? Not that she was unhappy having her evening disturbed to ick her up but about whether to let her go as it was late.

What do you suppose teens with non driving parents do?

No, we haven’t missed that. OP is concerned with the safety of a 17 year old attending a cinema, and was considering not allowing her to go on that basis.

The permission comment comes from OP asking (essentially) "should I let my daughter stay out this late" and thinking about telling her "she's not allowed to go".

Nothing to do with OP not wanting to pick her up. In fact she said she didn't want to "let" daughter to take a taxi.

I think if anyone is misunderstanding the issue, it's you.